Heartbroken at 45

[Reno18]

feeling heartbroken at 45!
I’ve been seeing a man (49) for around3 months. He’s been asking me out for years but I was never single until a few years ago and we finally went on a date in June. Since then we spent a lot of time together. He works abroad, I’ve been there twice and when he’s here we’re together all the time. We both say we love each other, when we’re together it’s great. The problem is that he has a problem with my past, 3 of my 4 children (22,19,17) are mixed race and he says it’s something he struggles with because he thinks I want to be with a black man and that he is inferior in bed to him (he’s not). Because of this, when he’s away he can be really horrible, like really really horrible. Saying my body’s ruined (it’s not) and that im white whore. This is always when he’s drunk but doesn’t excuse his behaviour. We had a disagreement a couple of days ago and he’s blocked me on everything. I know this is the best thing, but I’m so upset and need to know how to get over this. I’m 45 and want to be happy with someone.

I was seeing someone before him who was lovely but just too much. I wish I wanted him but I just don’t.

You can do better.

This x 100

Wow. Read that back. This man is not for you. He’s is disgusting, racist and he calls you awful names? But he was drunk? Nah. Life is way too short for this kind of shit

OMFG - you have dodged a massive bullet here. He sounds abusive and deranged - and you are only 3 months in? That's supposed to be the honeymoon period, not fraught with stress and insults and animosity. Your life with this guy would have been a misery, he's not a keeper - hold out for someone better. With time and space you will look back and be relieved he's gone.

If someone told me my body was ruined that would be an instant dumping offence btw, who the fuck does he think he is?

Fucking hell, you're heartbroken over a drunken misogynistic racist twat who you barely even see

Get therapy before you date again. your bar is so low it's buried underground

He's an abusive, racist piece of shit. Why would you want to be with someone like that?

Sounds like you’re mourning the loss of who you HOPED he was and what you HOPED the future together would look like.

I’ve been there, and it’s so painful. The loss of what you’d hoped for is awful. It will get better though - he showed you time and again who he REALLY IS.

We - impartial strangers - can promise you you’ve dodged a bullet - please keep looking forwards and not backwards to what you’d hoped and imagined would happen.

It makes me so sad to know that HE blocked YOU and not the other way round. A drunken racist who insults you and your body isn't a good man and you should have dumped him when he first spoke to you that way. You aren't the problem here, you deserve 10000% more.

You have to be joking surely? Please someone tell me this is a joke.
why would you even want to spend a single second with this vile man. You need serious help to work out why you would think yourself ‘in love’ with someone like this, you must have serious trauma.

He's a racist.

You've dodged a bullet - move on.

He is a nasty insecure bully racist.

Heartbroken over someone who is a racist when you have mixed race kids? Read it through again, he's a twat, a drunk, insulting you, your kids.
What more do you need to understand? He is a disgusting piece of shite.
Someone who loves you does not treat or talk to you the way he has.
The rubbish has gone, time to move forward.

Almost anyone you could meet would be better than this. He’s a stupid, delusional racist who despises you. Leave. Just leave.

If he says that to your face, WHAT would he say to your kids? What is he thinking bout your kids? Insecure racist shit! Hope the door hit him on his backside on the way out!!

Im sorry for you he was not who you hoped he was.

Fgs. You have mixed race children and you've entertained this racist for months.

Wtf? He called you a white whore and you still want to be with him? What have I just read

Omg leave him, he is abusive at three months. You can’t go into a long term relationship with this man. Your whole sense of self and self esteem will be completely ruined having to listen to this stuff.

Yeah right 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

His treatment of you is vile. You deserve better. Way better. Gather up your self respect and move on. Be glad he’s blocked you. Good luck OP.

You should have been the one to block this vile man.

I hope he never met your poor DC.

In the kindest way, open your eyes and have some self respect.

You are only 45 find someone who is kind.

Omg your poor children!

What the hell is wrong with your maternal instincts?

You're pinning for a man who was racist about your children. YOUR CHILDREN!!

My children are mixed race and if someone gave me even a slight hint that there was anything wrong with that I'd hit the roof, have the ick, be livid and block them on ALL platforms. My attraction would instantly die in that second.

I am so gobsmacked that not only did you continue to entertain him, you reassured him, told him you loved him AND let him block you! Now you're even heartbroken about him.

Imagine your children finding out their mum was dating an openly racist man who said she is ruined for dating someone of their race, and their mother was chasing them! I have no words.

You clearly have some internalised racism of some sort. You may not think you do but you do. You feel it's 'not that bad' clearly.

Well, now I’m wondering why YOU would want to be associated with someone like that? Why do you??

This x a million!

You've only been with him 3 months. Its barely a relationship. He's a racist misogynistic bully. You've dodged a bullet. Concentrate on being happy with yourself then the right person will come along.