My wife created a whole diet and exercise plan to fix my libido

[joshhk]

Okay, I'm writing this openly, not as an attack on my wife of course haha. I just can't really talk about this with anyone in real life, so I figured I'd ask here.

My wife and I are both 44. We've been together since high school, so we've got a very long history together. We have three kids, both have good jobs, and thankfully neither of us has much work-related stress. We genuinely love each other, still find each other attractive, and our relationship is good.

We're both fairly slim and in decent shape for our age. Neither of us is a model or anything, but we're healthy. My wife does yoga and jogs, and she runs/exercises around three times a week. I used to be reasonably active too, although I wasn't nearly as consistent as she is.

Our sex life used to be pretty normal for us usually once or twice a week. But for roughly the last year and a half, my libido has dropped quite a bit. There have been weeks where I just haven't felt interested at all, followed by periods where things go back to normal.

My wife has a much higher libido than I do. For her, sex is pleasure, relaxation, stress relief, intimacy basically an important part of our relationship. I know it's important to her.

About two weeks ago, she got pretty disappointed and honestly a little angry with me. Her point was basically that it's partly my responsibility as her husband to take care of my health and make sure we're not neglecting our sex life.

I didn't really have an answer to that. I understand where she's coming from, but I also can't exactly switch my libido on like a light.

Then last Saturday she arrived with a PLAN.

She had apparently decided that we're changing my diet, and she had basically planned out what I'm eating for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She's also added a proper exercise/running routine for me every weekend because I haven't been consistent.

She even spoke to a doctor about it and got the okay before adding some vitamins and other things.

And now, on top of all that, she keeps sending me Instagram reels from women talking about improving men's sex lives/libido.

She's become extremely strict about the whole thing.

I know she's coming from a good place. She's not trying to shame me, and I know she wants us to have a good sex life. She's also probably right that I should take better care of my health and be more consistent with exercise.

But at the same time, I'm sitting here thinking this diet and new routine are going to kill me before they fix anything.

I love my wife, I'm attracted to her, and I absolutely want our sex life to be good. This isn't a relationship problem.

I'm just wondering if anyone else around their 40s has experienced something similar one partner having a much higher libido while the other's suddenly drops, and whether lifestyle changes actually helped.

And has anyone else's spouse ever basically taken over their health routine because they decided your sex life needed fixing

You should at least try and show some leadership here, you’re lucky she still fancies you at all. Unless you make some changes there is a good chance she’ll have an affair or leave you

That’s what I thought. If it was their own GP, they wouldn’t be allowed to discuss a patient with their spouse without consent, and if it was just a friend who is a GP, it would still be grossly unprofessional IMO.

The OP hasn't said erectile dysfunction is a problem though?

Sod that. Try black maca first. And get your testosterone checked. However, I'd also try and keep her satisfied now because in a few years when her menopause symptoms kick in the roles could well be reversed. So if you cooperate now, she'll have no excuse not to reciprocate later.

WTF!?!? OP, this is not okay at all!!!

I know a way you can lose about 10st overnight.

‘No excuse not to reciprocate’ sounds a tad creepy @cheshirebloke.

It's tough. A year and a half is a long time for libido issues like this to go on with no outside stress. If you put yourself in her shoes she is thinking, is this the rest of my life and I'm only 44? What have you done in the last 18 mths to address this?.Your wife is feeling unattractive probably. Her approach is over the top but I can bet she has already tried more subtle means?

If I were you, I’d ask myself what are her actions telling me. We discussed difference in libido. I want sex back to what it was. We love each other and attracted to each other. I should take action and do some research and try out some changes. I haven’t done that in over a year. We’ve both continued to experience some frustration as a result of this her more than me and I can see that but took no action. Wife has now done the work I should have done. What in her plan works and doesn’t work for me. How can I take her plan tailor it and try it out.

I would be annoyed that she went ahead and did what she did. But I would be more embarrassed and disappointed that I have taken no action. So in a healthy marriage, I’d call it even and do some work on the plan and execute on the plan.

That’s really awful! She’s being really controlling.

If YOU want to go to your own GP to discuss YOUR health.

This would be a major turn off for me!

Then you have the talk, obviously.

This sounds awful!
Usually these threads are the other way round, with the woman with lower libido.
Can you imagine if a DH turned up with a diet and exercise plan? 😂
PS. Usually when the man has lower libido he is accused of being addicted to porn. Are you?

Have you been to your gp and got hormone levels checked? Tried Viagra or similar?

What???

Op could you research and create a lifestyle plan for your wife to help her with additional ways to relieve stress maybe?

No more creepy that what the OP's wife is saying and doing to him. She's got the same responsibility to look after herself and make sure their sex life is healthy, no?

It’s way OTT but I can see where she’s coming from tbh. I’ve been overweight and out of shape due to health issues and my libido plummets drastically. When you don’t feel good about your body it can affect sexual confidence and therefore sex life as well as the energy levels needed etc.
In an ideal world she would have gently suggested that making lifestyle improvements might help and ask if you’d be willing to give it a go but she’s been very heavy handed/ micromanaging and her approach is surely
going to put you off even trying !
I won’t pretend to know anything about men’s hormonal health but maybe your testosterone levels need checking ?

Urgh I couldn’t think of anything less sexy

The OP doesn't say he has erectile dysfunction.

Why should he do anything? He still sounds like he can perform and he has regular sex with his wife. Just doesn’t always want it when she wants it, that’s just a natural part of life sometimes and ageing, not some problem that needs fixing.

Imagine someone saying their wife didn’t want sex with them as much as they used to and what steps must she take to keep up with them in the sack?!

Dear god that's not reasonable behaviour. If someone doesn't want to have sex, you deal with it without making the other person feel bad about it. I don't think thus is acceptable behaviour from yiur wife and I suggest some couples counselling to help you renegotiate what you are both happy with/willing to accept. You may both need to accept that if there isn't enough overlap between the boundaries of what you are happy with, you may need to call it a day on your relationship. That's ok, it's not a failure to bring things to a close with mutual compassion and respect.

Wow !!!!! .. If you felt pressure to perform before, I bet you are crumbling under it now!!! 😬

I'm sorry but this cries selfishness on her part .. Sex for me is a very big thing for me too, so normally I would sympathise .. but this way is too controlling and OTT !! Not nice !!

Apologies if I have missed some responses or convo - I am merely commenting on the initial post!

Has she actually tried to sit down and talk to possibly unpick any issues/reasons behind it?

I would seriously have a word!

For some men, losing an election is something that happens naturally when they get older, and there can be other issues causing it, and the "blue pill" doesn't help everyone.

There are other ways to help .. for example, having a relaxing night being intimate, maybe making it all about her with foreplay and look to pleasing her with your help or using toys .. that way the "pressure to perform" is off you, you both relax and if it stimulates you, you can join in so can be a win/win without all the stress.

Then when both relaxed, have a good kiss and cuddle AND talk about things.

Good luck !

I meant "Erection" !!! Lol .. 😂.. although I do wish they would call a general election ! 😂🤣

Diet can totally affect libido, see Tim Ferris' 4 Hour Body for somethings a man can do. Sadly nothing similar written for women that I've seen...

Neither of them has an obligation to put out whenever the other person wants it, no. (Absolutely not defending the wife’s behaviour btw, not sure why you would assume that).

Have you had bloods done? Testosterone levels? Do you enjoy sex once you get started?

Would you consider something like viagra or cialis both available over the counter.