My wife created a whole diet and exercise plan to fix my libido

[joshhk]

Okay, I'm writing this openly, not as an attack on my wife of course haha. I just can't really talk about this with anyone in real life, so I figured I'd ask here.

My wife and I are both 44. We've been together since high school, so we've got a very long history together. We have three kids, both have good jobs, and thankfully neither of us has much work-related stress. We genuinely love each other, still find each other attractive, and our relationship is good.

We're both fairly slim and in decent shape for our age. Neither of us is a model or anything, but we're healthy. My wife does yoga and jogs, and she runs/exercises around three times a week. I used to be reasonably active too, although I wasn't nearly as consistent as she is.

Our sex life used to be pretty normal for us usually once or twice a week. But for roughly the last year and a half, my libido has dropped quite a bit. There have been weeks where I just haven't felt interested at all, followed by periods where things go back to normal.

My wife has a much higher libido than I do. For her, sex is pleasure, relaxation, stress relief, intimacy basically an important part of our relationship. I know it's important to her.

About two weeks ago, she got pretty disappointed and honestly a little angry with me. Her point was basically that it's partly my responsibility as her husband to take care of my health and make sure we're not neglecting our sex life.

I didn't really have an answer to that. I understand where she's coming from, but I also can't exactly switch my libido on like a light.

Then last Saturday she arrived with a PLAN.

She had apparently decided that we're changing my diet, and she had basically planned out what I'm eating for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She's also added a proper exercise/running routine for me every weekend because I haven't been consistent.

She even spoke to a doctor about it and got the okay before adding some vitamins and other things.

And now, on top of all that, she keeps sending me Instagram reels from women talking about improving men's sex lives/libido.

She's become extremely strict about the whole thing.

I know she's coming from a good place. She's not trying to shame me, and I know she wants us to have a good sex life. She's also probably right that I should take better care of my health and be more consistent with exercise.

But at the same time, I'm sitting here thinking this diet and new routine are going to kill me before they fix anything.

I love my wife, I'm attracted to her, and I absolutely want our sex life to be good. This isn't a relationship problem.

I'm just wondering if anyone else around their 40s has experienced something similar one partner having a much higher libido while the other's suddenly drops, and whether lifestyle changes actually helped.

And has anyone else's spouse ever basically taken over their health routine because they decided your sex life needed fixing

I think you should report back in a few weeks. If it makes you into a sex machine i'd like the regime please for my DH 😁

As someone who needs a dietician for medical reasons I'd be very wary of a diet from someone who hasn't been formally trained, even things like vitamins can be toxic in the wrong amount.

Did she not discuss it with you before hand ? I think i would feel very pressured to not fail and force myself to have a higher sex drive. Which then would probably make it worse because my mental health would suffer.
Seeing a therapist would probably help. I do agree diet and exercise cant hurt but with anything like this it has to be things you want to do. Otherwise you wont stick to it.

If you were a woman telling us her husband was controlling her exercise, food etc to get more sex you’d be being sent links to abuse charities.

Or if you were talking about changing your wife’s routine to reduce her sexual appetite, ditto.

I think this is outrageous.

That said, libido mismatch is a marriage killer and you would be wise to take the issue seriously if you are happy in your marriage.

DWs approach might be scientific but it's definitely not sexy

How do you feel about your diet and health and sex life ?
it’s not up to your wife to dictate those things to you and it’s absolutely not her business to tell you what to eat.
if you think your sex drive is a problem in your relationship then that’s your business and you need to a GP and maybe a relationship counselling as well, don’t forget that you don’t owe her sex in the same way that women don’t owe men sex either,

You're at the same age as my husband was when he went to his GP and found out that he had low testosterone. It very commonly starts in a man's mid to late 40s.

Low libido is just one symptom. Hypogonadism is linked to a substantial increase in the risk of cardiovascular disease.

Male hypogonadism: The unrecognized cardiovascular risk factor

For the sake of your long term health, get your levels checked and get treatment if they are subnormal.

Edited to add that treatment is easy. DH uses a transdermal gel that he rubs into his upper arm once a day, and there are other options as well. His libido came back, and he started feeling better within two days of starting treatment.

Could you be going through andropause and your testosterone been plummeting? If so, the diet and exercise will not reverse the cooling of libido. She has gaps in her research 😅

How would she feel if you start changing her exercise and diet when her libido drops, which its likely to?

Its one thing giving your partner a nudge and making suggestions to improve things but planning out everything you eat is way ott. That wouldn't put me in the mood that's for sure. I think you need to tell her that this is for you to sort out, and on that note, have you visited the Dr or taken any steps to improve things?

If you want your libido back, check your testosterone level at the Drs. Don't let them fob you off if it is on the very low side of normal, ask for replacement. It should help make a difference.

What if his libido ‘problems’ aren’t really a problem for him? What if he’s ok with the way things are?

This doesn't sound great, but I'm curious about this diet and supplement regimen.

This is completely unacceptable, how dare she speak to a Dr about you any reputable GP would not have provided her with any information about vitamins etc…. This is really not okay this is border line controlling!!

If you are worried see your GP rule out any underlying causes, ask for blood tests etc… then if YOU want to plan your own exercise and diet and tell your wife you appreciate her effort and concern but this is not helping and its not appropriate.

Not sure how your own sex life is relevant to the thread or the OPs predicament as you don’t seem to have any of the same issues in your relationship.

"For her, sex is pleasure, relaxation, stress relief, intimacy"

I think she needs to find another outlet for stress relief and relaxation that doesn't involve you performing sexually. That's not a reasonable from her.

The intimacy and pleasure is more relationship based. But I don't know as I'd be too impressed if my husband presented me with a plan designed to get me to perform more sex. That is rather unsexy. I'd 100% get the ick if he sent me Instagram bullshit of men talking about how they got their wives to have more sex. Yuck.

It also depends if any of the plan appeals or is to your tastes. The health aspect I would think about but I don't want to live miserably eating food I don't want just so I can service my husband more often.

If I went weeks without having sex with my dh.. I'd have sex with someone else. Sorry..not sorry.

Whole things sounds pretty weird though.

Oh dear. Sounds like you don’t respect or value your DH @Justaquestionplease.

I think that if you have noticed a change in your libido you should visit your GP. A drop in libido can be an indicator of medical problems. Its also worth the GP looking at your current medications and seeing if they could be an issue.

I think your wife is going about things the wrong way. She's not helping or suggesting but dictating. Its controlling. If my husband gave me a diet and exercise programme, even with good intentions, it would make my insides shrivel up and clamp shut.

Jesus this is way too much. She should Get herself a decent sex toy having a high sex drive does not give you access to control someone’s diet and exercise routine to try and have sex with you more.

No doctor would have advised her on this

I admit, I curious about the plan for my own self, but it's not something I would thrust on my husband. I would encourage him to go to the doctors or take positive steps to resolve it if there was a noticeable drop because there could be an underlying cause.

OP, it's a, crass move on the part of your wife, but it's also a sign that your sex life is badly mismatched and she's desperate to fix it. I would visit the doctors or decide on your own terms what you want to do about it, before having a discussion with her about the next steps. Ultimately, if you don't communicate and find a solution (less sex, more sex, a vibrator etc), then it could break your marriage.

Not only you will be following her diet and exercise plan, you will also be told of if you deviate from those.

This sounds suffocating, i think if i were you the overbearing-ness and overinvolvement of my partner in the issue would decrease my libido even further.

She needs to wind her neck in.

Though if you survive this you can have a good laugh reminding her about these days when she hits menopause.

This is quite controlling, have you had your testosterone levels checked?

@joshhkgosh. It’s a lot. And the best way to scare away a shy libido is by trying to force it and shame you. God it’s bad enough going on a diet to look better, let alone because your partner says you aren’t satisfying them!

Can you get to the doctor? Get your testosterone checked, it does drop as men get older. Also there’s always viagra