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Original poster

Considering legal advice on ex-husband’s pension

81 replies

Anonymouseky · 07/09/2026 23:41

I split from my ex husband about 6 years ago. We divorced about 4 years ago. We were married for 6 years, together for 12. I supported his career, moved my whole life to another UK based country. I gave up my job and had to start again somewhere else. I had career aspirations myself and, had I followed these aspirations, I would have been a very higher earner now. He is a very high earner. He talked me out of it as he wanted me to move to be near him. We ended up marrying and having kids. He built up a good pension which I didn’t go for in the divorce. This has enabled him to consider an early retirement. He is now talking about 50% custody. Now the hard work is done and he has his pension pot to look forward to. I must admit, I am sickened by this. The whole reason he can do this is because of my sacrifices. He has our children 2-3 days a week anyway but I feel he is pushing for 50% because he wants to reduce maintenance. I’m now considering taking legal advice re the pension. We didn’t sign a financial order in the divorce. I wouldn’t have gone for the pension but feel I have been pushed. Has anyone done this before? We’ve been divorced a few years now, but he has clearly benefitted from my sacrifices. I’m very annoyed that now the hard work is over with the kids, and now it suits him, he suddenly wants the kids more.

OP posts:
Boomer55 · Today 16:25

Anonymouseky · 07/09/2026 23:41

I split from my ex husband about 6 years ago. We divorced about 4 years ago. We were married for 6 years, together for 12. I supported his career, moved my whole life to another UK based country. I gave up my job and had to start again somewhere else. I had career aspirations myself and, had I followed these aspirations, I would have been a very higher earner now. He is a very high earner. He talked me out of it as he wanted me to move to be near him. We ended up marrying and having kids. He built up a good pension which I didn’t go for in the divorce. This has enabled him to consider an early retirement. He is now talking about 50% custody. Now the hard work is done and he has his pension pot to look forward to. I must admit, I am sickened by this. The whole reason he can do this is because of my sacrifices. He has our children 2-3 days a week anyway but I feel he is pushing for 50% because he wants to reduce maintenance. I’m now considering taking legal advice re the pension. We didn’t sign a financial order in the divorce. I wouldn’t have gone for the pension but feel I have been pushed. Has anyone done this before? We’ve been divorced a few years now, but he has clearly benefitted from my sacrifices. I’m very annoyed that now the hard work is over with the kids, and now it suits him, he suddenly wants the kids more.

You need proper legal advice.

bababamama · Today 16:33

If you haven’t signed a financial order then legally you haven’t fully separated your finances. Speak to a solicitor

Original poster
Anonymouseky · Today 18:08

EdP00 · Today 08:55

But you need to say the general reasons of why you think it’s unfair, else how can we possibly say?

You admit that you’ll likely keep the maintenance and you want to keep it.
You don’t want to share your kids with their biological father and want them more than 50/50.
Now you also want half his pension.

If he gave you half his pension, would you then allow him to have 50/50?

Are you essentially holding the DC ransom to try and get more money out of him?

Him having them 50/50 vs you getting half his pension is not correlated in any way and so unless you’re using them as a weapon to try and get more money out of him, they are 2 completely separate issues.

Show quote history

If I’m completely honest, I don’t think 50/50 is right for the children. They need a consistent and predictable routine due to ASD. I have them 4 or 5 nights a week at the moment so it’s not like it’s that far off 50/50. I have no doubt in my mind that his drive is financial and that it’s suddenly convenient for him. He’s made his pension calculations based on not paying as much towards them. This has then highlighted to me just how unfair our situation is. He didn’t want me to see a solicitor when we split because he knew what I had given up and knew I would be able to take a fair share (not necessarily half). I am, and always have been, a reasonable person. Like many women/ mums, I put the children’s needs first and then pretty much everyone else before myself. He has primarily done whatever suited, whenever it suited. It now suits him to go for more time with them (until he meets someone else or has something ‘better’ to do) and we are all just expected to fall in line with his plans. It’s simply not acceptable.

OP posts:
MeetMeOnTheCorner · Today 18:55

@Anonymouseky The dc and money are two separate orders and he’s clearly going for 50:50 to avoid paying for them. Their routine should not be disrupted because he wants to pay less. There’s good reasons why many parents do the 5/9 night split - exactly as you do. It’s almost certainly not best to alter these arrangements and there’s no positive reason to do so.

Please ignore people who have no idea about how divorce actually works. You have been shafted by not doing a financial order upon divorce. He hoped to get away with it. It’s now got to be done and a child order too. I really hope you ignore some of the rubbish on here and see a decent family solicitor who will get the ball rolling for you.

Original poster
Anonymouseky · Today 19:14

MeetMeOnTheCorner · Today 18:55

@Anonymouseky The dc and money are two separate orders and he’s clearly going for 50:50 to avoid paying for them. Their routine should not be disrupted because he wants to pay less. There’s good reasons why many parents do the 5/9 night split - exactly as you do. It’s almost certainly not best to alter these arrangements and there’s no positive reason to do so.

Please ignore people who have no idea about how divorce actually works. You have been shafted by not doing a financial order upon divorce. He hoped to get away with it. It’s now got to be done and a child order too. I really hope you ignore some of the rubbish on here and see a decent family solicitor who will get the ball rolling for you.

Thank you. He keeps telling me about cases where 50/50 has been awarded. I know they are moving towards awarding that a bit more than they used to, but with 7 days in a week I just don’t think it works, especially for kids who need to know when they are on set days. They are used to their current routine and they don’t want it disrupted.

OP posts:
ThatShyMoose · Today 19:29

6 years is not a long time when it comes to a marriage. It will also be taken in to account the ages the children were during the marriage and how much pension he saved during that time. You won't get half of his whole pension, you might get some of the 6 year part, but you may lose your maintenance. You won't get any of the pension from after the split and you won't be able to prove that he was trying to withhold money. The judge will likely award 50/50. I'd also consider asking the children and actually listening to them, if they have a good relationship don't mess that up as they'll hold you responsible in the future. Just be aware that with legal fees you may not be much better of, if at all.

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