Considering legal advice on ex-husband’s pension

[Anonymouseky]

I split from my ex husband about 6 years ago. We divorced about 4 years ago. We were married for 6 years, together for 12. I supported his career, moved my whole life to another UK based country. I gave up my job and had to start again somewhere else. I had career aspirations myself and, had I followed these aspirations, I would have been a very higher earner now. He is a very high earner. He talked me out of it as he wanted me to move to be near him. We ended up marrying and having kids. He built up a good pension which I didn’t go for in the divorce. This has enabled him to consider an early retirement. He is now talking about 50% custody. Now the hard work is done and he has his pension pot to look forward to. I must admit, I am sickened by this. The whole reason he can do this is because of my sacrifices. He has our children 2-3 days a week anyway but I feel he is pushing for 50% because he wants to reduce maintenance. I’m now considering taking legal advice re the pension. We didn’t sign a financial order in the divorce. I wouldn’t have gone for the pension but feel I have been pushed. Has anyone done this before? We’ve been divorced a few years now, but he has clearly benefitted from my sacrifices. I’m very annoyed that now the hard work is over with the kids, and now it suits him, he suddenly wants the kids more.

I've always been under the impression that not having a financial order is a
potential disaster waiting to happen.

@justcallmemarywhitehouse In this case, look at the issues that have arisen because the op and ex have not done one! The court signs off the order regardless of how agreement is reached but not doing it is foolhardy and there’s no reason whatsoever not to get started on this. Also ex is talking about different child arrangements too.

@AnonymousekyHave you seen a solicitor?

I may be an outlier here, but I don't quite understand the bit about sacrifice. If you had wanted a high-earning career, you should have done that. It's no one else's fault that you chose to give that up.

it seems you chose a life where you were not career focussed, and spent more time with your children. That's lovely, but a choice you made. I have chosen not to step back from my career. It's really as simple as that. There are benefits to you from both options, and you are responsible for the choice you made and the benefits and downsides to that choice.

Have a quick Google of what financial abuse is. Nothing the OP has described fits into this category, unless you know more than I do about their situation?

Unfortunately there is no black and white answer

if party’s can’t reach agreement a court will
there are broad principles to apply

more marital assets can be included but is not automatic
post separation assets can be included but not automatic
inheritances received can be included but not automatic

shares will be awarded based on needs and assets available plus ability to recover

a whole range of outcomes are plausible

in regards 50-50 childcare if he can demonstrate he can do it and show how that looks he’d likely be awarded it.. it’s up to op to demonstrate why she thinks it’s not suitable. Ultimately a judge will make an arbitrary decision using where necessary recommendations from professionals

@millymollymoomoo Marital assets are fairly tightly defined. 50:50 is not the default position when a different split of care has been working for the dc for several years. This is not a new arrangement. It’s a change for a child who is currently settled. It’s a way of ex getting out of CMS payments.

Financial orders must be agreed by a court. They can be negotiated outside of court.

Not everyone has that choice eg as has been pointed out there are many " trailing " wives.

@MirrorVent I’ll give you an example. My dd is a barrister. She earns well in London. Would she go to some other country and give that up? No. Other dd has a job that doesn’t pay anywhere near as much. If she had a partner who needed to work abroad, would she go? Yes. However she would never know what she could have achieved here. I know quite a few women who have arrived at a similar crossroads and gone abroad with DH. As I said, military wives do this all the time and they frequently have “career breaks”when abroad. It’s easy enough to say what you would do, but until you are faced with it, it’s easy chat!