Considering legal advice on ex-husband’s pension

[Anonymouseky]

I split from my ex husband about 6 years ago. We divorced about 4 years ago. We were married for 6 years, together for 12. I supported his career, moved my whole life to another UK based country. I gave up my job and had to start again somewhere else. I had career aspirations myself and, had I followed these aspirations, I would have been a very higher earner now. He is a very high earner. He talked me out of it as he wanted me to move to be near him. We ended up marrying and having kids. He built up a good pension which I didn’t go for in the divorce. This has enabled him to consider an early retirement. He is now talking about 50% custody. Now the hard work is done and he has his pension pot to look forward to. I must admit, I am sickened by this. The whole reason he can do this is because of my sacrifices. He has our children 2-3 days a week anyway but I feel he is pushing for 50% because he wants to reduce maintenance. I’m now considering taking legal advice re the pension. We didn’t sign a financial order in the divorce. I wouldn’t have gone for the pension but feel I have been pushed. Has anyone done this before? We’ve been divorced a few years now, but he has clearly benefitted from my sacrifices. I’m very annoyed that now the hard work is over with the kids, and now it suits him, he suddenly wants the kids more.

Spot on.

@BeenThereBackThen The op should only consider not having a portion of his pension IF she has sufficient funds for her needs. The whole object of a financial settlement is to ensure, as far as possible, the needs of each party are fairly met. The op also has the issue of him wanting dc to have more time with him and this will interrupt routines. Again it’s what’s best for dc and not a parenting power grab. The op should be very very wary of his motives and should see a family divorce solicitor urgently because the sand is shifting.

Thanks all for your advice. I’m now going to start looking for a family lawyer. Not sure whether to go local or for one of these big companies you see advertised. Obviously want to keep costs down. Can anyone recommend one? Not sure what to set aside to fund this.

DP was in court 4 times during his divorce and they were bloody rich at all. All case are different

I didn’t go to court at all for mine.

@Blushingm That’s not the same for every divorce though and this is not very complex. Not being reasonable causes 4 hearings.

I’m just really disappointed in him for pushing 50/50 after everything I’ve done and sacrificed.

Why would you be disappointed that he wants to see his kids more?

I don’t understand that.

You speak of sacrifice but you CHOSE to move countries and give up your job.
You could have said no.

He did not choose to only see his kids a couple of times a week.

You need to think about what’s best for the children, which may or may not be 50/50.

You can’t try and punish him for wanting to see his children more.

Exactly - it could be OP is seen as being unreasonable (she’s left it 4 years to suddenly feel bitter about ex’s pension and is also trying it to the fact her ex would like the dc more) or her ex is considered unreasonable as he’s tried to reduced income by increasing pension contributions. It could cost OP significantly more in legal fees than she could get from cut of 6-10 years of pension contributions

There's thousands and thousands of solicitors in the UK. We have no idea where you live. And even if we did, taking random recommendations from people you don't know is not the best idea.

You started this thread on Tuesday 8 September.

We all advised you within minutes to see a solicitor. You had 4 working days last week (Tues, Weds, Thurs, Friday) in which you could have googled / made phone call enquiries to local solicitors in your area.

Just Google solicitors in your area and have a look.at some of their websites. They may have information about fees and funding options on their website.

Most (but not all) family solicitors offer a free half hour of initial advice before you decide whether you want to proceeding.

Funding for your legal fees may also be available:

1. If you are on a very low income with UC top up you may qualify for Legal Aid.

1. If your income is too high, there may be a "no win, no fee" arrangement available with your solicitor - but that means he gains your fee out of your win.

1. If you have house insurance or car insurance you nay have purchased "legal expenses insurance" with your insurance policy. **

** If that is the case, phone them first as the insurance is only redeemable against their own nominated solicitors.

If Yoy divorced but didn’t compete a financial order then you can bring that process now either via mediation or solicitor route. Your entitlement to some of his pension will be calculated from the moment you started to live together not just your marriage.
Anyone going through a divorce should ALWAYS complete a financial order. Everything will be taken into account, property jointly owned, pensions, savings etc etc It will all need to be paid out.

Oh so grabby and disgusting get some self respect ffs

@beeautifullif3 There is no financial order! Do you think every women should just roll over and say a financial order doesn’t matter then? There is every need to get a fair settlement and the law insists every aspect of matrimonial finance is on the table so an order can be made! It’s not a clean break divorce without it and it’s important. Fairness is not grabby.

I think I tend to think if he wants to talk about what’s fair with regards to the kids, then we should also talk about what’s fair for the financial assets. He has always wanted his own way (very controlling). I don’t think it’s fair that he wants 50/50 for so many reasons which would be a bit outing if I were to detail them. Besides, I believe his main motivation is financial, plus the fact that it now suits him to see them more now his most recent relationship has broken down.

Thank you, you’ve given me some really useful info there. I will start to make enquiries. It just felt like a lot to deal with this week, but I know I need to do this.

I don’t know how you can think that a man having everything his own way, controlling literally everything in a relationship and walking away with no detrimental effects to his finances is grabby on my part. He’s had the benefit of having children and it’s had absolutely zero impact on his career or stability. Me, conversely…

You don’t get free legal advice under your home insurance unless you’re using it to get advice about something to do with your house….eg boundary disputes

This sounds sensible advice to me.
Stop being so nice @Anonymouseky

let your children are the reality - never mind if they think poorly of him; that’s his problem.
Definitely do not agree to 50:50 and find yourself a good solicitor.

@Anonymouseky House insurance doesn’t cover divorce info. Some of the family divorce specialists like Stowe are not bad. You need a divorce finance specialist in a family law solicitors.

With dc - I’m not sure you have mentioned their ages, but they need to maintain their routines. So going to clubs, maintaining friends and knowing where their school uniform is should be maintained. Often parents do 5/9 split in a 2 week cycle. They are with you 9 nights. What do you do now? The older dc are, they get a say in their living arrangement too. 10 and upwards, they do have valid views and should be listened to. Parents should not attempt a power grab to save themselves money. In these situations children come first. Always.

Just google:

litigation funding for divorce
litigation funding for financial settlement

and also Google

insurance funding for divorce
insurance funding for financial settlement

There is so much information available at the click of a few buttons, a few Google searches will give you answers as to how it can be funded and paid for.

You cannot insure for divorce costs! The op is divorced.

Google doesn’t return what you think it does

Oh dear. We don’t need Google ! There’s umpteen very good family solicitors. Choose one that’s not a one man band. You need expertise in finance and child arrangements but most family law firms are conversant with this. Most decent sized towns will have a family law specialist.

But you need to say the general reasons of why you think it’s unfair, else how can we possibly say?

You admit that you’ll likely keep the maintenance and you want to keep it.
You don’t want to share your kids with their biological father and want them more than 50/50.
Now you also want half his pension.

If he gave you half his pension, would you then allow him to have 50/50?

Are you essentially holding the DC ransom to try and get more money out of him?

Him having them 50/50 vs you getting half his pension is not correlated in any way and so unless you’re using them as a weapon to try and get more money out of him, they are 2 completely separate issues.

This is why not getting the finances legally locked down at the point of divorce feels wild to me.

You've left it years. It was a relatively short marriage. I think you're coming from a place of malice and envy.