What would you choose? Major broken heart, or regret that you never tried?

[Ihaveregrets]

N/C but long time user.

Would you rather have had a (potentially brief but amazing) relationship with someone you were mad about, followed by a guaranteed utterly heartbreaking split?

Or regret that you never tried 25 plus years later when you reconnect, but it's just not possible now?

If it's the latter, how do you cope with that?

You'll never get those years back, and I'm struggling with the reality of that tbh. I always thought the heartbreak would have been worse but would it really have been?

It's kind of pointless now because I can't change anything, but I need to talk about it anyway.

Would rather the broken heart than not knowing. Its the unknown and what ifs that damage most people IMO

Much, much rather not have had my heart broken, absolutely no question. Presuming it definitely couldn't have worked out there's something in a love that only ever existed in potential and never went through the normality of changing into a day to day relationship or morphing into hatred etc., can always think of it in its idealized state and not have it tainted with reality

The fact you are asking says that there is a gap in your life as it stands today

Not relevant to this ex!

To be honest i would suggest choosing the path that won't get you stuck tjinking and overthinking. For some it is getting out of the system, for others it is letting the feelings fade.

I never understood the saying "it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all". It doesnt make an ounce of sense to me. Losing someone you love is the absolute worst thing that can happen, so why would I prefer that over not having had anyone to lose? Nah, I'd choose the latter any day.

There's not enough detail in your post. So, I started a relationship with similar details. However the 'love' of my life turned out to be a liar with zero pension etc etc ... I put my all into the relationship finding out all 'real' details too late well, I say too late, I'm 40 with hopefully 25 years to fix my siuation.

Hmm, not sure how to answer this. Met at 14 and were on and off 15-18. Short fling early 20s. Like one night 😂 Chatted briefly every few years then bam, back in it. Still loved each other. Never stopped thinking about each other. Will never be anyone else, even if this ends. It's the real deal.

Interesting question. People say it’s better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. But those people haven’t seen women have their teeth smashed in by bad men or their self esteem on the floor afterwards.

I had my heart broken almost 35 years ago. I don't think I've properly gotten over it, it affected me in a way that has influenced how I've made other decisions in my life. I approached him, and I regret it. I wouldn't have regretted never making that decision, so rather have never experienced the pain.

If the amazing relationship was probably/possibly going to be brief then there is very likely something wrong somewhere (married/dodgy/weird)

I'd never go into a relationship which had an expectation of it ending quickly

However if I was happy with FWB then that's a different thing altogether

So.... the fact we can be so friendly now is obvs because we never got to the point of hurting each other. It was fun, and fairly brief and we were both young (like 20 ish).

It would also have involved some kind of visa to make it a long term thing, neither of us were ready for that.

Lots of other issues too. I would love to think it could have lasted but being so young I think we both had other stuff to work out before settling down. It would have been amazing, but something would have gone wrong eventually.

It seems people are split on this. I can definitely see pros and cons for both.

This is so true. It's so hard though when you feel the potential could still be there 😭

Sleepless night.

I could of course reduce contact and try to forget.

I'm interested if others have been through this, and what, if anything helped?

I would always choose a fond regret and a kind of nostalgic 'what if' dream over real actual heart break and the tarnishing of knowledge.

There's a kind of innocence in the 'what if' dream that would have been completely ruined by heart break and the occasions in my life when I've had my heart broken it has gone so deep that it has affected the way I behave in other relationships.

Sweet pining all the way.

Oh I have lost in love several times and it's been the spice of my life. A few broken hearts here and there on both sides but it taught me so much about love, relationships, not staying in rubbish or mediocre relationship and recognising, when a relationship is really worth fighting for and making longterm.
Taking chances is always worth it.
When I met my DH i was definitely not looking for love.I was not long split up from my ex, and very bruised. Turns out, if I hadn't taken a chance on DH I would have missed out on the love of my life and nearly thirty years later I'm so glad I did.

I wouldn't choose the guaranteed heartbreak. I'd rather have a 'one that got away' sort of memory.

I would avoid heartbreak at all costs. Real heartbreak is long term damaging. I can live with a sliding doors question mark.. that’s just life.

You actually make it sound so lovely. But sweet pining makes me cry every single day.

I think that might be indicative of more being wrong in your life overall than a missed opportunity.

I don’t really understand this. Plenty of people stay together, things aren’t doomed by default simply because you meet at 20 ish.
Why isn’t it possible to get together now ?

I think you maybe underestimate the opportunity that I missed.

Can you clarify the circumstances, OP? I think you mean that you could have had a relationship with someone you liked a lot years ago, but you felt at the time that you didn't want to as you knew the person would break your heart?

I would have gone into the relationship and did, at 18 with someone who did break my heart. Heartbreak is part of life, especially when young. I was young and impulsive and going with the flow. You sound like you were more considered.

It may help you to know that years later, heartbreak lad did ask me if I would like to go out again (at a time we were both single, in our late 20's) and I said no. I remember at the time that I felt absolutely nothing at all. I was by then working with loads of slightly older than me, very smart, great looking, fun guys. Ex by then seemed very dull.

I’d choose the third option. I wouldn’t waste time pursuing a brief but intense relationship and instead would focus on finding someone who wanted us to build a happy long term relationship. It’s most likely you’ll forget being lovestruck over time. I have about three ‘ones who got away’. None of them could hold a candle to the one who didn’t and if they arrived on my doorstep now I’d send them in their way. I like the expression ‘what’s for you doesn’t pass you by’.

@PixieFairySprite I didn't think he liked me enough. So I kept him at arm's length emotionally. Now I can see that he actually did like me more than I thought but he was also being cautious. However his life was chaotic, and looking at what's happened with him in between, he had a LOT of things to work out after we lost touch - this is why I think I would have been collateral damage.

Thank you. I really do appreciate that sentiment.