What would you choose? Major broken heart, or regret that you never tried?

[Ihaveregrets]

N/C but long time user.

Would you rather have had a (potentially brief but amazing) relationship with someone you were mad about, followed by a guaranteed utterly heartbreaking split?

Or regret that you never tried 25 plus years later when you reconnect, but it's just not possible now?

If it's the latter, how do you cope with that?

You'll never get those years back, and I'm struggling with the reality of that tbh. I always thought the heartbreak would have been worse but would it really have been?

It's kind of pointless now because I can't change anything, but I need to talk about it anyway.

Exactly. I think it depends really.

Some people have that attitude of it’s better to have loved that lost and apply it to the max , and go through life a complete mess after a series of terrible relationships they never recover from and I think really? This was better?

I don’t think that necessarily applies to the OP’s situation though but just a general observation.

Conventional heartbreaks were easier than this!

Amen @Tithe 🙏

I'm not. It simply can't happen!

He was pretty honest in his last one and I haven't really reciprocated so I think he deserves that. And it might draw a line under things for me.

I have been adding bits and removing bits for days.

I'll probably wait a few days before finalising it. My brain won't leave it alone so I have to get it gone sooner or later.

Hmm. I used to think like this but now having had my heart/soul/mind/finances and family utterly decimated, I'd dodge the bullet - every time!

Not knowing. Dealing with a broken heart at the moment means I wish I'd never met him in the first place.

I sent my message about 4 days ago. I suppose to him it sounded like a goodbye of sorts. I felt better after sending it.

I've had no reply, and in fact I've had nothing at all from him for over 6 weeks. The last message of his was his most honest and the saddest, but still friendly and chatty. We've never gone this long without communicating in the last 18 months since we've been back in touch.

So I think that's it now, and we will fall into a kind of agreed silence. I'm sure it will help us both to function in day to day life. But I know we will always have something that ties us together.

And the sadness I feel, whilst it's getting easier to cope with, and consumes me less, it almost feels welcome as some kind of ongoing connection to him. I'm not as teary, but when I am, I'm learning to value it to a certain extent. If that makes any sense.

Me too. I dont know if I am too sensitive or just not cut out for this relationships thing but I absolutely cannot bear being heartbroken romantically. Life is too short. Once was enough for me to learn the lesson.

I see time spent broken hearted as time on this earth wasted (yes a broken heart will last me years. As I said - too sensitive)

Hard to know. I had two short relationships in my 20s that were always going to end due to geography. Both were wonderful experiences that I wouldn’t have missed out on - but it isn’t true heartbreak when the end was always inevitable and you started knowing these parameters.

True heartbreak is when they leave you and you weren’t expecting it, or down the line when you’ve built a life together and it unravels.

Meh, I have repeatedly tried and suffered mentally and physically as a result. Freeing yourself from the expectation that another person will complete you doesn't come with regrets for me.

Because being in love is the best feeling. And loving and being loved is the best feeling. Hence the heartache when you do lose it.

Yes! But oh such a vulnerable.state to be in! You really have you lay yourself completely bare to be in love, don't you? For the full experience.

@Minasama geography came into play for me too. Easier to say goodbye or let things fizzle out without getting to the vulnerable bit.

Do you never just wonder what it would have been like though?

Or what it would be like to see them again now that time has passed?

It is all brain chemicals followed by dependancy. "Love" is more often than not long lasting, all the stats show.

The heartbreak every time! Not least of all because the heartbreak is hypothetical and may never happen (unless you’ve revealed something to say otherwise), plus the alternative is a cautious half lived life. No thank you! My best friend didn’t go for it with a love of her life because of some uncertainties. She married an absolute bell end instead who destroyed her life for a period anyway. And is left wondering what could’ve been.