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Relationships

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Made a comment about my partner's physical appearance

83 replies

BeChirpyCoralOtter · 06/09/2026 15:04

So basically, my partner and I were having a conversation about how we're working out and trying to lose weight. He said that since he wants to look lean and have lean muscle mass, and then later on gain weight, I told him that I don't like skinny guys if that's his goal. I also don't want to be skinny myself, since I like guys who are bulky, and I want to be more thick—not fat, but fit.

So he said, "Oh, we have different opinions, and we should, you know, look for something else since we want different things," and all that. I was hurt by that because of the way he was putting it out there.

Then I told him that I never liked him based on his physical appearance. Even when we started talking, I never actually saw him because we met online. I liked him as a person, and then later on, things happened between us. I told him that if I had met him at that time and judged him purely based on his physical appearance, I probably wouldn't have liked him because he was fat—not even bulky. He wasn't fit.

I apologized for not framing it correctly and for hurting him, but I honestly just don't know what else to say.

He himself said, "Oh, I know. I've told you this before. I know you probably would have never liked me like that because I've seen your taste in men but you saying this and after so long has just hurt me so deeply," and all that.

But hearing him say that, especially in this context and after we've been together for so long, has really hurt me very deeply and also I know it has hurt him as well maybe made him insecure but I don't know what to say or do so I really need advice.

Also before you say anything about fat shaming or anything of that sorts I feel everyone has their own opinions, preferences and choices so I won't shame anyone else for having theirs and neither would I do that to myself.

OP posts:
Anothercake · 06/09/2026 15:08

You've made some absolute clangers here. You don't get to dictate what sort of body he has. You can be attracted or not attracted, but saying you don't find your partner attractive because they are too fat (in one example) or too thin (in your other example) makes you sound like a total cow.

ShotDowninFlames · 06/09/2026 15:17

I’m really struggling to see how your takeaway from this exchange is that he’s really hurt you deeply! I’m not sure what he’s said that’s wrong other than reacting to your comments

So have said to him
-you don’t want him to lose weight and become skinny as you don’t like lean men
-you never liked his physical appearance
-that when you first met him you wouldn’t have wanted to be with him as he was too fat
-he acknowledge that he recognised this was the case for you

And you are ‘deeply hurt’ by his comments?

bunnypenny · 06/09/2026 15:21

You’re hurt deeply? Yeah, struggling to see why after what you said.

ShitFacedShakespeare · 06/09/2026 15:24

ShotDowninFlames · 06/09/2026 15:17

I’m really struggling to see how your takeaway from this exchange is that he’s really hurt you deeply! I’m not sure what he’s said that’s wrong other than reacting to your comments

So have said to him
-you don’t want him to lose weight and become skinny as you don’t like lean men
-you never liked his physical appearance
-that when you first met him you wouldn’t have wanted to be with him as he was too fat
-he acknowledge that he recognised this was the case for you

And you are ‘deeply hurt’ by his comments?

Exactly! 🤦‍♀️

FannybygaslightinGovan · 06/09/2026 15:24

Why are you feeling hurt?

TruffleSlinky · 06/09/2026 15:25

Clearly, she's hurt because he said they should look for something else.

Does he mean you should break up OP?

moderate · 06/09/2026 15:25

If I understand you correctly, OP, you didn't criticise his current weight, but rather the overweight he used to be. And the point you were making is that you didn't even care about that once you got to know his personality.

I don't know why you're getting such a hard time for expressing this.

And you also expressed that you hope he doesn't lose too much weight as you don't fancy skinny guys (basically you like something in the middle)... whereas he said you should probably call it quits then.

I don't know why people are having such a hard time understanding why this is so hurtful

I'm Team OP.

OriginalUsername2 · 06/09/2026 15:31

You say sorry and you don’t turn it around and make it about your feelings.

Huckleberries · 06/09/2026 15:34

I had to read that twice because I thought I’ve got it wrong

Why are you hurt? You said some awful things and why did you say them?!

Huckleberries · 06/09/2026 15:35

moderate · 06/09/2026 15:25

If I understand you correctly, OP, you didn't criticise his current weight, but rather the overweight he used to be. And the point you were making is that you didn't even care about that once you got to know his personality.

I don't know why you're getting such a hard time for expressing this.

And you also expressed that you hope he doesn't lose too much weight as you don't fancy skinny guys (basically you like something in the middle)... whereas he said you should probably call it quits then.

I don't know why people are having such a hard time understanding why this is so hurtful

I'm Team OP.

Well, of course he wants to call it quits if he’s got somebody telling him what to do with his body bloody hell!

honestly, there are a lot of post on here that that make me wonder why I’m single, doesn’t anyone cherish their partner?

bunnypenny · 06/09/2026 15:38

moderate · 06/09/2026 15:25

If I understand you correctly, OP, you didn't criticise his current weight, but rather the overweight he used to be. And the point you were making is that you didn't even care about that once you got to know his personality.

I don't know why you're getting such a hard time for expressing this.

And you also expressed that you hope he doesn't lose too much weight as you don't fancy skinny guys (basically you like something in the middle)... whereas he said you should probably call it quits then.

I don't know why people are having such a hard time understanding why this is so hurtful

I'm Team OP.

Nah. The guy’s trying to lose weight for himself and his health and the OP’s made it all about her and whether she’ll still fancy him.

borborygmus1 · 06/09/2026 15:39

You sound like an insensitive knob who just called your partner fat and unattractive and implied you needed to overcome your revulsion to date him..... And your feelings are hurt how?

He should dump you.

AmusedMember · 06/09/2026 15:40

Wait... What? Why are you upset? Boohoo, YOU hurt his feelings, quite horribly tbh and him telling you so has upset you? It's not about you.

grinandslothit · 06/09/2026 15:44

I'm not sure why you would say those things to him they are rather unkind
Are you trying to end things with him? You sure are making good progress if you are

moderate · 06/09/2026 16:09

Huckleberries · 06/09/2026 15:35

Well, of course he wants to call it quits if he’s got somebody telling him what to do with his body bloody hell!

honestly, there are a lot of post on here that that make me wonder why I’m single, doesn’t anyone cherish their partner?

Edited

Not telling him what to do. Expressing a preference: neither too far nor too skinny. The horror!

moderate · 06/09/2026 16:11

bunnypenny · 06/09/2026 15:38

Nah. The guy’s trying to lose weight for himself and his health and the OP’s made it all about her and whether she’ll still fancy him.

How is becoming skinny better for your health than remaining within the boundaries of the ideal weight for your height and age?

DramaAlpaca · 06/09/2026 16:11

Oh dear... What on earth were you thinking?!

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 06/09/2026 16:13

Wow you said that, which is hurtful and then pretended you were the hurt one. How awful

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 06/09/2026 16:13

Oh god is this a reverse.

SilenceLaySteadily · 06/09/2026 16:13

> I told him that if I had met him at that time and judged him purely based on his physical appearance, I probably wouldn't have liked him because he was fat—not even bulky. He wasn't fit.

> But hearing him say that... has really hurt me very deeply

Fuuuuukin ell.

shhblackbag · 06/09/2026 16:15

He should LTB.

Random321 · 06/09/2026 16:17

He's not the problem here.

It also sounds like you want a bigger man so you look smaller.

JustMeSimply · 06/09/2026 16:17

Your remarks are beyond nasty and unpleasant in more ways than one. I hope he finds someone that truly loves and appreciates him for being as he is or will be

moderate · 06/09/2026 16:19

SilenceLaySteadily · 06/09/2026 16:13

> I told him that if I had met him at that time and judged him purely based on his physical appearance, I probably wouldn't have liked him because he was fat—not even bulky. He wasn't fit.

> But hearing him say that... has really hurt me very deeply

Fuuuuukin ell.

Am I the only one here who can read?

She’s talking about a version of him that doesn’t exist any more.

And she’s saying that she likes his personality so much that it wouldn’t even matter now.

turnthefanonpls · 06/09/2026 16:20

Are you attracted to him now?
Your comments were quite mean whether or not you meant it to be. If my partner said that to me I don’t think I’d be able to move past it 😬

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