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Made a comment about my partner's physical appearance

83 replies

BeChirpyCoralOtter · 06/09/2026 15:04

So basically, my partner and I were having a conversation about how we're working out and trying to lose weight. He said that since he wants to look lean and have lean muscle mass, and then later on gain weight, I told him that I don't like skinny guys if that's his goal. I also don't want to be skinny myself, since I like guys who are bulky, and I want to be more thick—not fat, but fit.

So he said, "Oh, we have different opinions, and we should, you know, look for something else since we want different things," and all that. I was hurt by that because of the way he was putting it out there.

Then I told him that I never liked him based on his physical appearance. Even when we started talking, I never actually saw him because we met online. I liked him as a person, and then later on, things happened between us. I told him that if I had met him at that time and judged him purely based on his physical appearance, I probably wouldn't have liked him because he was fat—not even bulky. He wasn't fit.

I apologized for not framing it correctly and for hurting him, but I honestly just don't know what else to say.

He himself said, "Oh, I know. I've told you this before. I know you probably would have never liked me like that because I've seen your taste in men but you saying this and after so long has just hurt me so deeply," and all that.

But hearing him say that, especially in this context and after we've been together for so long, has really hurt me very deeply and also I know it has hurt him as well maybe made him insecure but I don't know what to say or do so I really need advice.

Also before you say anything about fat shaming or anything of that sorts I feel everyone has their own opinions, preferences and choices so I won't shame anyone else for having theirs and neither would I do that to myself.

OP posts:
moderate · 09/09/2026 10:20

Missj25 · 09/09/2026 08:31

Kinda disagree here a little .
Whilst of course it’s ok to have preferences & each person wants what they want , in OPS story here she is with her partner & he had a certain body frame from when they first met , to him it reads now , “ Well this is what I like “ , as though she never found him attractive.
Obviously feelings will be hurt here & that’s not ok .

When I first met my now DW I had long hair and I simply did not register to her as a potential romantic partner until I cut it short. This information will inform my choice of future hairstyles. I don’t take it personally. Should I?

Missj25 · 09/09/2026 10:41

moderate · 09/09/2026 10:20

When I first met my now DW I had long hair and I simply did not register to her as a potential romantic partner until I cut it short. This information will inform my choice of future hairstyles. I don’t take it personally. Should I?

Ah come on now moderate that’s not a fair comparison 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Your DW did not consider you a potential suitor because of your hair , you knew this from the get go .
OP on the other hand has been with her husband looking exactly now as he then then , now she’s turning around to him & saying , “ actually I don’t like your body “ ( I know not in those exact words) .
I realise also she was trying to get across to him she is with him for the person he is , not his physical appearance , it’s just her choice of words were clumsy .

Plus I wouldn’t be offended over my hair style versus my body shape

moderate · 09/09/2026 10:58

Missj25 · 09/09/2026 10:41

Ah come on now moderate that’s not a fair comparison 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Your DW did not consider you a potential suitor because of your hair , you knew this from the get go .
OP on the other hand has been with her husband looking exactly now as he then then , now she’s turning around to him & saying , “ actually I don’t like your body “ ( I know not in those exact words) .
I realise also she was trying to get across to him she is with him for the person he is , not his physical appearance , it’s just her choice of words were clumsy .

Plus I wouldn’t be offended over my hair style versus my body shape

In that case I have misread the OP. I took her to mean that he had already lost weight and is trying to lose more. If that’s not the case then please disregard all my earlier comments!

metameta · 09/09/2026 11:35

You’ve basically said to him you didn’t find him attractive initially. Imagine if he had said the same to you? What a horribly insensitive thing to say.

DahliaSmith · 09/09/2026 11:43

There's a special uncomfortable place in the afterlife who hurt someone's feelings and then make that the issue by becoming hurt themselves.

When something hurtful has come out of your mouth, you own it, and apologise, and repair, and learn not to do it again.

You do not jump on the bandwagon and make it all about your feelings being hurt. Relationships 101.

Missj25 · 09/09/2026 12:16

moderate · 09/09/2026 10:58

In that case I have misread the OP. I took her to mean that he had already lost weight and is trying to lose more. If that’s not the case then please disregard all my earlier comments!

Well my take on the post is OPS partner is just beginning his fitness journey .
She said to him she doesn’t like skinny if that is his goal .
He went onto say maybe they should look elsewhere then , she retaliated with something along the lines of , when they met first it wasn’t his physical appearance that drew her as he was fat .

If you ask me both said unnecessary hurtful comments.
Hopefully they’ll sort it out & move on 🙂

fatphalange · 09/09/2026 12:27

Yikes. So in conversation about his health goals, you told him you wouldn’t find him attractive if he achieved them. Then you tried to rewind by saying, it doesn’t matter because you didn’t find him physically attractive anyway, making whatever he does with his body completely irrelevant. To which he said he knew you felt that way, poor sod. So not the first time you’ve bashed his self-esteem is it.

Thepossibility · 09/09/2026 22:12

Jesus. So you told him he wasn't attractive to you when he started and he still won't be after all the hard work he's doing on himself? And now YOU are deeply hurt?? Yikes.

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