I cheated, he's tracking me.

[Selfhatredandshame]

This could be so long so I'll keep it brief

• I have been miserable in my marriage for years but he's a 'good guy', just lacking any emotional capacity or communication skills
• 3 months ago I cheated and kissed another man, told my husband straight away and felt awful. Explained why I did it, he wanted to forgive me and try to make it work.
• we tried for a week, my heart wasn't in it, I broke up with him.
• lots of long conversations about his part to play in what led to me to where I was, he promises to change, I don't want a relationship. I have the ick and have for years, I resent him a lot, he's hurt me too much over the years.
• we start a 50/50 nesting rota and on my off days, I sometimes still meet up with the other man (not publicly). I don't have feelings for him but I've been starved of affection and honestly it feels great.
• I stop seeing the other guy, need to focus on the breakup.
• husband is still questioning me, waiting up for me, entering the bathroom or entering my bedroom (separate bedrooms). Seems to think that me not seeing the other guy is a green light, leads to hours of conversations of him trying to change my mind. He's still paranoid about where I am obviously. Says that we can't work on the marriage with 3 people in it... I'm shocked as as far as I'm concerned, it's over it's been over for 7 weeks.
• husband starts following me around the house, messaging my friends about my mental health, asking other people where I am even though he's agreed to give me space and we agreed what we do in our own time is private to us. It's infuriating.
• I meet up with guy again.
• husband wants us to live together and coparent workout nesting. We have a big chat where he is acting so strangely, saying I need to choose between him and the other man, asking if I've seen him. I lie because I don't want to upset him and I should be allowed to do what I want in my own time. And the marriage ending for me is nothing to do with the other guy but if people went to believe that then I don't really care.
• I take my car to the garage for tyres, they find a tracker. When my husband is upstairs later on , I find the app on his phones that confirms he has been GPS tracking me.

We can't afford for one of us to move out. The house will need to go on the market. His parents live nearby and have loads of space, I don't have anywhere else to go.
I don't think I can live with him now I know about the tracker.
Should I ask him to leave? Should we go back to nesting?.I'm worried he has bugs in my bedroom or something.
Do I bring up the tracker?
Sorry that's all rushed.... It's a right mess.

I don't want to worry you but I find that very concerning for your safety.

I don't think you should be in the same house.

I think you should not pursue another relationship until you get this properly resolved, because it could be quite provocative. No judgement, just thinking of your safety.

I think you need proper advice. I would call women's aid perhaps. Or even the police?

As I say, I don't want to worry you but I think this sounds quite a dangerous situation.

I would. I would make it clear that it is over, and if you had been wavering, the discovery of the tracker clarified that it is over. I would not tolerate that.

I’m not sure of the law on installing trackers - but it might well be worth checking. If it is illegal then he could be in huge trouble.

Leave him. Yes, you shouldn't have kissed someone else, but your husband is doing now is abusive. Yes, you should be worried about hidden cameras. How do you unlock your phone? Is there any possibility that he has the PIN? Could he have used your finger to unlock it as you slept?

It's illegal to monitor someone without their consent.
I would not share the same space as him.
I would speak to the police for advice.

Please phone the police asap he is breaking the law by tracking you and his behaviour is a massive red flag and you are at serious risk of harm from him

If this is a serious post ...

You leave 🙄

Call Womens Aid if you need help.

Its okay for him to move out if the marriage cannot work. You can use the space for your own family. Or you can try and patch up the differences of your relationship if you choose to. I believe divorce is the last option, but in your case it might be best. I think counselling might be helpful though.

He goes to his parents or you report him to the police. His choice.

Stick the tracker under his bed. The knob. He sounds unhinged and you need your space to make better decisions. This situation with the other guy will make things messier.

Why the eye rolling emoji?

Because leaving is so clearly and obviously the only sane option. This guy is stalking her.

why don’t you leave? If house in joint names, you both have right to live there as are married

There are children involved, hence the nesting rota. Are you suggesting that OP abandons her children?

Leaving is the most dangerous time in a relationship. I would not say a word to him.

for now, be squeaky clean. Don’t date. Don’t do anything to provoke him.

see a solicitor and figure out how to divorce as cleanly as possible.

If you know the house must be sold anyway, I recommend finding a place to rent and moving there with the children now. Don’t tell him in advance that you are making the move.

This.

It’s a serious offence, i think it would be enough to get him to go. Make sure you have evidence.

When you said you were doing the 50/50 nesting rota I presumed that meant that each of you lived in the house 50% of the time when you were with the dc and when you weren’t with the dc you would live elsewhere (my friend and her ex do this, they each have their own separate places but I’ve heard of the parents also sharing one place to keep costs down). But from what you said later it’s clear that you are both living in the same house? So how does that work?
Either way it’s clearly NOT working, he’s tracking you. You need to move out or he needs to move out or you need to sell and both move out.

It’s not about whether you can’t afford to do anything other than nest. You can’t afford not to now. He leaves your home. You register the incident with the police.

Don't tell him anything. He's not at all a safe man to be around. You are going to HAVE TO find yourself somewhere else to live. Start very quietly and secretively doing that right now.

Have you left the tracker on? I would go and talk to the police and see if you can use that as evidence that you want him to leave the house.

He is going to know that it has been found because when he checks the app he will see you apparently haven't moved, unless you've kept it in the car.

How can you be sure there isn't a device in the house. You need to leave immediately.

wtf is nesting?

You should leave now. Talk to the police or women’s aid for advice.

Be aware that he could have put trackers / key loggers on your phone.

I haven't touched it, I'm not sure if he tell how angry I was but he removed it yesterday. I have photos of it, I have photos of the app on his phone showing my location and of the empty box.
I can't afford to rent anywhere.
My children are 3 and 5.
We started with nesting then tried a more laid back arrangement.
There's no history of abuse.
It's very illegal and from what I've read the police take it extremely seriously. He will have to leave the home and there will be a restraining order.
Those saying leave - with the children? Without? I can't do that.

Have you used websites like turn2us or entitled to to check what benefits you might be able to claim?