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Original poster

AIBU to resent my husband criticising me while I manage everything at home?

55 replies

Mummytobr · 31/08/2026 19:05

AIBU?

my husband works full time, I’m a stay at home mum as I was made redundant while pregnant.

we have a 5 YO and a 9 MO. I do 99% of the parenting. Because I’m a stay at home mum I also do the majority of the housework. When my husband gets home if there’s something not done (like the dishwasher emptied, washing not sorted etc) he’ll be in a mood with me. I do try to keep up with the household stuff but having a baby to look after and food shopping/house admin/everything else on top of it is sometimes hard but to be honest I think I do keep up quite well.

He makes his own dinner when he gets in at night (I offer but he doesn’t like my food) and will sometimes do a little bit of housework (maybe he’ll mop once a month or fold some washing?).

he plays football 4 times a week and again, I’m doing 100% of the parenting in this time. I do all meal times, bath times and lie with the kids til they’re asleep too. I honestly don’t mind as I love being a mum, I feel like it was my sole purpose but what I do mind is when he gets home and is in a mood because X, Y and Z hasn’t been done. Or like tonight when i nip out for 20 minutes (with the 5 YO) and he’s phoning me because he can’t cope with the baby and again, in a horrid mood because I shouldn’t have left the house at that time apparently.

like I say I don’t mind doing all of the parenting, I love my babies so much but I hate how he goes in a mood with me and I’m beginning to wonder if I’m in the wrong. Should I be more more on top of things as I don’t work? I feel like I need to walk on eggshells as he pays the bills. Am I being totally unreasonable?

OP posts:
Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 19:07

The marriage - sounds crap. So would be good to start earning asap

LateAgainJeeves · 31/08/2026 19:07

I would tell him that I'm going out for the whole day (at the weekend). Go and turn your phone to silent so you only have to answer in a real emergency. See how he copes!

ToKittyornottoKitty · 31/08/2026 19:09

If you don’t mind doing 100% of the parenting and you basically live separate lives… what are you keeping him around for? Is it just the money? If so it sounds like you need to get back to work ASAP so you can leave when you’ve had enough

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 19:10

LateAgainJeeves · 31/08/2026 19:07

I would tell him that I'm going out for the whole day (at the weekend). Go and turn your phone to silent so you only have to answer in a real emergency. See how he copes!

Could you relax knowing you have left your baby with someone this shite?

I couldn’t

Pinkchickenwine · 31/08/2026 19:15

So what are his redeeming features?

NigellaAwesome · 31/08/2026 19:16

We started to fall into this when I was on maternity leave. DH viewed that he was going out to work, and I was looking after kids and house, as I wasn’t working. Except it meant he got 16 hours a day off duty, and I didn’t, not to mention weekends. It was a long time ago, but I think in the end we agreed that I was ‘on duty’ for the time that he was out working, and outside of those hours childcare and housework needed to be shared. We did get through it, but it was a brutal time and really strained our marriage.

Original poster
Mummytobr · 31/08/2026 19:21

@ToKittyornottoKitty if we were to split the thought of having to go weekends without seeing my babies breaks my heart.

@Pinkchickenwine we’ve been together 12 years, he’s loyal, the breadwinner, he is good with our 5 year old at times

OP posts:
Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 19:22

Mummytobr · 31/08/2026 19:21

@ToKittyornottoKitty if we were to split the thought of having to go weekends without seeing my babies breaks my heart.

@Pinkchickenwine we’ve been together 12 years, he’s loyal, the breadwinner, he is good with our 5 year old at times

But Op… think about your children as well. This is not going to be a happy and harmonious childhood

ToKittyornottoKitty · 31/08/2026 19:25

Mummytobr · 31/08/2026 19:21

@ToKittyornottoKitty if we were to split the thought of having to go weekends without seeing my babies breaks my heart.

@Pinkchickenwine we’ve been together 12 years, he’s loyal, the breadwinner, he is good with our 5 year old at times

It’s not just about you though Op, it’s about what’s best for the kids too and long term that probably won’t be a miserable household with parents who don’t like eachother. So I’d prioritise finding a job and tell him to do his half of the housework.

1986Massive · 31/08/2026 19:25

I would think about earning again as the marriage doesn't sound in a good place. You might not want to leave, but could easily have an affair or leave and you will be screwed

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/08/2026 19:35

You’re basically a single parent with him having a
moan about stuff you have not done indoors. What’s the point of him?

Do you really think he would be bothered about his children in the event of you separating from him?. No because they would interfere with his work and football time. He’d likely farm them out to his parents instead.

I would readily assume he will sabotage any and all attempts you make to get back into the workplace.

Your bar here is very low if all you can write about him
id that he is loyal ( well a dog can be loyal too) and can be good with the five year old sometimes. Would you want your kids to be in such a poor marriage: no you would want better for them. Do not continue to show your kids that yes this is how men treat women in rey. Teach them better lessons about relationships. You have a choice re this man, your kids do not and it will do them no favours to see their dad treating you like this.

Dumbledore167 · 31/08/2026 19:37

Mummytobr · 31/08/2026 19:05

AIBU?

my husband works full time, I’m a stay at home mum as I was made redundant while pregnant.

we have a 5 YO and a 9 MO. I do 99% of the parenting. Because I’m a stay at home mum I also do the majority of the housework. When my husband gets home if there’s something not done (like the dishwasher emptied, washing not sorted etc) he’ll be in a mood with me. I do try to keep up with the household stuff but having a baby to look after and food shopping/house admin/everything else on top of it is sometimes hard but to be honest I think I do keep up quite well.

He makes his own dinner when he gets in at night (I offer but he doesn’t like my food) and will sometimes do a little bit of housework (maybe he’ll mop once a month or fold some washing?).

he plays football 4 times a week and again, I’m doing 100% of the parenting in this time. I do all meal times, bath times and lie with the kids til they’re asleep too. I honestly don’t mind as I love being a mum, I feel like it was my sole purpose but what I do mind is when he gets home and is in a mood because X, Y and Z hasn’t been done. Or like tonight when i nip out for 20 minutes (with the 5 YO) and he’s phoning me because he can’t cope with the baby and again, in a horrid mood because I shouldn’t have left the house at that time apparently.

like I say I don’t mind doing all of the parenting, I love my babies so much but I hate how he goes in a mood with me and I’m beginning to wonder if I’m in the wrong. Should I be more more on top of things as I don’t work? I feel like I need to walk on eggshells as he pays the bills. Am I being totally unreasonable?

What does he say when you ask “don’t you think it’s pathetic that you can’t cope with your own child for a few minutes?”

This is not a good husband/father.

RinklyRomaine · 31/08/2026 19:37

He’s a tosser, OP.

I regularly don’t unload the dishwasher, and the clean washing pile is legendary. I don’t work and my children are older. It’s our home, tho, not mine, and I’m not the domestic help. If it doesn’t get done, we do it together, or another day. No one is moody about it, because, what’s to be in a mood about?!

So out of interest, if you do everything anyway, what earthly reason does he HAVE to be in a mood with you if it’s not emptied when he gets home? It’s nastiness. Nothing more. Given his attitude, I highly doubt you’d be giving up much time with the kids at all without him. I’d be making a plan, looking at getting back to work, and telling him if he doesn’t like it, he knows where the door is.

Comtesse · 31/08/2026 19:40

Why on earth does he feel the need to tut at you if some minor tasks aren’t finished? He sounds unpleasant.

Scout2016 · 31/08/2026 19:41

Mummytobr · 31/08/2026 19:21

@ToKittyornottoKitty if we were to split the thought of having to go weekends without seeing my babies breaks my heart.

@Pinkchickenwine we’ve been together 12 years, he’s loyal, the breadwinner, he is good with our 5 year old at times

When is he good with the 5 year old? Doesn't sound like he is ever there and he does no parenting.

Loyalty is a great trait but you can get that from a friend or pet.

I don't think he will want weekends with the kids, he can't cope with 1 and spends no time with them. Football 4 times a week compared to how much time with the kids? Do you honestly think he would want whole weekends? Would he keep it up or rope his mum?

Original poster
Mummytobr · 31/08/2026 19:45

@Dumbledore167 when I mention anything like this he hits me with ‘but you know I think you’re amazing for doing it all yourself’ and ‘you do it all day, every day so you’re used to it’.

he says I’m amazing in one breath but then is annoyed in the next so I can’t keep up 🙈

OP posts:
KippyMcKippy · 31/08/2026 19:48

Are there other reasons he might be angry with life?
Is it that he just resents the fact you don’t work or does he hate his job?
were the kids planned? What was he like after the birth of your first child?
Football 4x a week is a bit much and I’m all for people having hobbies.
I’d absolutely hate to be treated like you are being treated by him. Something would need to change. Would he be open to counselling? Does he ever say anything about the relationship?

I agree with posters saying that you need to get a job asap. I know that is much easier to say than do but you need to do what you can to put yourself in a good position.

Scout2016 · 31/08/2026 19:51

Also, I would take a partner who didn't always manage to empty the dishwasher or sort the laundry by the end of the day over one who couldn't/ wouldn't manage to care for their own child for 20 minutes. Despite it being their second one, he's not even new parent. Who does Mr Important Job Breadwinner think he is?

Original poster
Mummytobr · 31/08/2026 19:53

If I’m being completely honest I have a good back up of savings. I don’t have a job but I do manage to make some money with sidelines and I have a good amount put by in case of emergency.

his parents are a whole other story - we don’t have the best relationship with them so I would hate to think he’d pass the kids onto them when they barely know them

OP posts:
Scout2016 · 31/08/2026 19:55

Mummytobr · 31/08/2026 19:45

@Dumbledore167 when I mention anything like this he hits me with ‘but you know I think you’re amazing for doing it all yourself’ and ‘you do it all day, every day so you’re used to it’.

he says I’m amazing in one breath but then is annoyed in the next so I can’t keep up 🙈

You shouldn't have to do it all.
And he should want to do it. They are his children. You aren't arguing about who does the tax returns or the food shop. It's parenting and spending time with your children. He knows full well you do it all and is happy to let you - he's a disgrace.

Backfrombright · 31/08/2026 20:04

Mummytobr · 31/08/2026 19:53

If I’m being completely honest I have a good back up of savings. I don’t have a job but I do manage to make some money with sidelines and I have a good amount put by in case of emergency.

his parents are a whole other story - we don’t have the best relationship with them so I would hate to think he’d pass the kids onto them when they barely know them

Realistically… when you say you have a good amount set aside… could this actually set you up with independent life Op? Or are we talking a few thousands?

BitOutOfPractice · 31/08/2026 20:07

Mummytobr · 31/08/2026 19:21

@ToKittyornottoKitty if we were to split the thought of having to go weekends without seeing my babies breaks my heart.

@Pinkchickenwine we’ve been together 12 years, he’s loyal, the breadwinner, he is good with our 5 year old at times

Don’t worry. He can’t cope for 20 minutes with the baby. There is absolutely not a snowball in hell’s chance he’ll take them for the weekend.

he sounds nasty, abusive and a complete waste of space

Doozycan · 31/08/2026 20:10

Mummytobr · 31/08/2026 19:05

AIBU?

my husband works full time, I’m a stay at home mum as I was made redundant while pregnant.

we have a 5 YO and a 9 MO. I do 99% of the parenting. Because I’m a stay at home mum I also do the majority of the housework. When my husband gets home if there’s something not done (like the dishwasher emptied, washing not sorted etc) he’ll be in a mood with me. I do try to keep up with the household stuff but having a baby to look after and food shopping/house admin/everything else on top of it is sometimes hard but to be honest I think I do keep up quite well.

He makes his own dinner when he gets in at night (I offer but he doesn’t like my food) and will sometimes do a little bit of housework (maybe he’ll mop once a month or fold some washing?).

he plays football 4 times a week and again, I’m doing 100% of the parenting in this time. I do all meal times, bath times and lie with the kids til they’re asleep too. I honestly don’t mind as I love being a mum, I feel like it was my sole purpose but what I do mind is when he gets home and is in a mood because X, Y and Z hasn’t been done. Or like tonight when i nip out for 20 minutes (with the 5 YO) and he’s phoning me because he can’t cope with the baby and again, in a horrid mood because I shouldn’t have left the house at that time apparently.

like I say I don’t mind doing all of the parenting, I love my babies so much but I hate how he goes in a mood with me and I’m beginning to wonder if I’m in the wrong. Should I be more more on top of things as I don’t work? I feel like I need to walk on eggshells as he pays the bills. Am I being totally unreasonable?

Sounds like a right plonker by the sounds of it. Cant cope with family life and escapes doing his footie. What a twat. Lets see how he copes if you go off for couple of hours with baby and leave him the 5 yo

Beelzebob · 31/08/2026 20:12

I told my dh that I was his wife, not his employee and he should be showering me with hugs and kisses when he came home and not constructive feedback.

Pashazade · 31/08/2026 20:13

What would happen if you pulled him up hard and told him unless he is opting to start doing housework as well he can hold his tongue and you find his attitude deeply unpleasant and are beginning to wonder if he actually even likes you let alone your children…..
Oh and he won’t want the children if you split. Far too much like hard work.