AIBU to resent my husband criticising me while I manage everything at home?

[Mummytobr]

AIBU?

my husband works full time, I’m a stay at home mum as I was made redundant while pregnant.

we have a 5 YO and a 9 MO. I do 99% of the parenting. Because I’m a stay at home mum I also do the majority of the housework. When my husband gets home if there’s something not done (like the dishwasher emptied, washing not sorted etc) he’ll be in a mood with me. I do try to keep up with the household stuff but having a baby to look after and food shopping/house admin/everything else on top of it is sometimes hard but to be honest I think I do keep up quite well.

He makes his own dinner when he gets in at night (I offer but he doesn’t like my food) and will sometimes do a little bit of housework (maybe he’ll mop once a month or fold some washing?).

he plays football 4 times a week and again, I’m doing 100% of the parenting in this time. I do all meal times, bath times and lie with the kids til they’re asleep too. I honestly don’t mind as I love being a mum, I feel like it was my sole purpose but what I do mind is when he gets home and is in a mood because X, Y and Z hasn’t been done. Or like tonight when i nip out for 20 minutes (with the 5 YO) and he’s phoning me because he can’t cope with the baby and again, in a horrid mood because I shouldn’t have left the house at that time apparently.

like I say I don’t mind doing all of the parenting, I love my babies so much but I hate how he goes in a mood with me and I’m beginning to wonder if I’m in the wrong. Should I be more more on top of things as I don’t work? I feel like I need to walk on eggshells as he pays the bills. Am I being totally unreasonable?

I think you're being completely fair OP. He's got options. There's no way I'd rely on him pulling out. My DH had a vasectomy because I'd had enough of hormone contraception and the copper coil was causing really heavy periods.

Am I in the wrong for being so set [on] wanting him to use condoms or get a vasectomy?

No, of course you aren't. You said his body, his choice. Correct, but also your body, your choice! The consequence of unprotected sex is a baby. That's a pretty damn big consequence for your body - if you choose not to be pregnant again (and you should choose this, at least with him) then you must either abstain or have sperm-free sex. His choice this time! Vasectomy or no sex.

Have you thought that he might be trying to get you pregnant again to keep you tied to his home?

It sounds extremely unlikely that he'd want 50/50 when you divorce. He'd say he did, to minimise costs, but he doesn't know how to parent, does he? And his sporting schedule doesn't exactly leave oodles of time for Peppa Pig on repeat.

Of course married men wear condoms. My h did. What a tool.

I’m not sure why you even want to have sex with him…

it sounds like a miserable life.

Do you really think he’d want to see the dc every other when though? He doesn’t have much interest in them…

You should be sharing household jobs and childcare 50/50 when he's not at work. He should also try a day in your shoes so he can see how difficult it is to get household jobs done when you have a baby. He doesn't sound like good husband material and you will be vulnerable if you don't go back to work.

You have drip fed more reasons to leave this prince of men. Footy four times a week
almost makes him a full time player

You say you love your babies very much. Ok fine, but what about you as a person? Do you not have or want an identity beyond being a mother? Your children will grow up and you won't be needed as much. Perhaps it's time to change your mindset too, and ask the father of the children to also step up. He is living is life fully, with work and hobbies. There is no detriment to him. He has no respect or love for you or the kids. Why can't he take care of the baby? His nonsensical attitude towards condom wearing should be proof enough that he doesn't care. Because if you do get pregnant, it has no impact on him. Have a honest conversation with him about how the household dynamics need to change. And if he isn't interested, then it's best to leave him and live a happier life.