Why is he always talking about teenagers?

[Elviva]

Been dating for ten months. Both mid fifties and divorced for some years and both with adult children in their twenties.

Earlier today we popped into a local pub for a bite to eat. I'd just had minor surgery and was feeling huge relief and fancied a wee tipple as well. It was a busy Wetherspoons, Friday afternoon, loads of students and young people. The minute we sat down he could not take his eyes off four young women right in his line of vision. He commented as I noticed him staring, "oh look how she's almost wearing nothing, the top, it's backless, got no back at all" Then looking and looking. I looked around and four very pretty young girls sitting having fun. Yes a backless top. They all looked barely a day over 18. He then said "They look sooooo young. Like children... "

He stared and stared. Not long after they left. I only hope not because of him.

Then he said... "What shall we talk about then.... " He looked very embarrassed as I said nothing. I felt very uncomfortable.

A couple of weeks back we were out in a cafe and a group of girls came in, around 16 to 17 if not a bit younger at a guess. He stared and stared and said "Look at those teenage girls. I can watch exactly what's going on from where I'm sitting"

A few other times he has commented on teen clothing and how tight it is and done the staring thing.

Am I reading too much OK into this?

He's a nonce. Report him before he ruins some poor girls life.

I agree. If you are worried enough to write a thread about it then go with your instincts and leave the man.

Yuk. He sounds absolutely vile 🤢🤢I hope you’re gonna get rid of him (and make a police report while you’re at it).
grim

Hi OP,

I really don’t think you are reading into this. Do you feel like you can talk to him about it?

I’m not even sure I would do that in your position.

What do you want to do about it?

Nonce or not, you don’t like it and that’s enough to end it.

I’m glad to see other people have mentioned leaving him because that is what I was hinting at above.

Pervert at best but he’s not even trying to hide it from you so I’d worry worse. I’d absolutely be dumping him and reporting to the police.

Why is he always talking about teenagers?

(And staring at them) He's clearly mesmerised.

Get rid, and fast.

I doubt the police will do anything if you report him; he hasn't, in the eyes of the law, committed a crime.

But we all know these types of men. We were all 18 (and younger) once.

This is really not normal.

Thinking of all the men I know, the only time one of them would ever look closely at a teenage girl in public would be if they thought it was one of their children’s friends.

Seeing a group of them would be more likely to prompt an anecdote about what one of the teens in their life was up to than anything else.

ExH and I have many, many discussions about teen girls (as we have some) and any discussion of clothes revolves around practicalities - those shoes are too small, DD needs a new raincoat. We have literally never talked about clothes being tight or whatever else (unless literally outgrown!)

I'd be very tempted to have a sort of serious intervention with him where he really has to squirm in the knowledge that you know. You know what he's thinking. And make it clear as you were once a teenage girl, what they think of when they see a leery old creep. He might be just shamed enough to stop.

A man In his 50s discussing young women like their objects for his appraisal is absolutely grim. And they probably did leave because of him. I’m sure we all remember men old enough to be our dads being sleazy. Trust your instinct you’re not reading into it. Yuck.

First post nails it.

how disgusting. I guarantee his browsing history Is cause for concern too

Revolting creep, get rid. And if you feel you can and the opportunity, let him know you know.

Ten months and the mask has fallen completely @Elviva. The girls absolutely left because some sleazy old man was staring at them.

Just reading about him makes my skin crawl, all too familiar as a teenager being leered at by men older than my dad.

ETA my friend and I did actually discuss how some young women were dressed this Summer, out of pure envy that they must have been a lot cooler in crop vests and short shorts that we can't decently wear in public anymore! Both happily wear bikinis in the garden.

You need to report him and the police need to check his devices. Hideous.

What the fuck. He's dangerous. He's doing it in front of you, openly, like its normal. What else has he done.

He's talking about them because he wants them.

What did you do the first time he mentioned staring at young girls, OP?

he sounds vile. Could you report him to the police?

I would find that super creepy and disturbing. So not ok

I would perhaps start with a Clare's Law check.
then I would either say something or think very seriously about reporting him to police. The focus on them being 'so young' makes it even worse imo than if he was just commenting on their appearances.
I definitely couldn't stay with someone like that though.

A nonce when they are16-18? It might be inappropriate and sleazy, disgusting, but not a nonce

Reading too much in to it?!?

no where near enough!!

most women would have dumped him the first time he did this for the grim misogyny, as they should.

I can remember being stared at like this and thinking "but he has a girlfriend/wife - I wonder why she is with a such a creepy man. She seems nice, too"

He is a disgusting individual OP, but you know that. You are just trying to talk yourself out of it.

I would assume he's trained himself over decades of increasingly perverse porn use to only ever see young women and girls as sexual objects.
Normal men don't perceive or talk about teenage girls like this.
Edit: typo