Boyfriend ended relationship after gym misunderstanding with friendly personal trainer

[Wittypeach]

Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective because I am in shock and questioning myself.
My boyfriend and I have had trust issues and were trying to rebuild. We started going to my gym together. I am 35, and there is a young PT there (around 20) who is just a naturally friendly person. He gives out fist bumps and hugs to regular members. I’ve only ever spoken to him about gym classes, a lost ring, and a minor incident at the gym. It is purely polite, casual small talk.
Today, as we walked into the gym, the PT smiled and walked over to give me a hug. Knowing my boyfriend's jealousy, I immediately backed off, refused the hug, and gave him a fist bump instead, whispering "no". The PT got the message and walked away.
My boyfriend immediately snapped. He told me I could finish my workout but that he was leaving. I followed him out to his car to try and talk to him, but he was having none of it. He ended our relationship right there in the car. He called me a "liar" and a "slag", saying no woman of his should be close enough for a man to feel comfortable hugging her, and insisted something is going on between us.
He then drove me home, made me go inside to get all of his belongings from my house, and drove off. He has now blocked and deleted me on absolutely everything and refuses to speak to me.
I feel completely blindsided, humiliated, and sick to my stomach. I actively tried to stop the hug to respect his boundaries, and now I'm being punished and dumped over it. Am I crazy? Is this reaction normal, or is this extreme control and an excuse to leave? Has anyone experienced a partner completely cutting them off like this?

I’m sorry to say that I think he will be back in touch today, or over the weekend, offering you the opportunity to ‘redeem’ yourself and beg for forgiveness.

I know it’s really raw, but you need to protect yourself from this. Can you block his number so he can’t get through.

In the long term you will be so much happier without him in your life.

Come back in a month when you’re well rid of this prick and tell us how you feel! Relief and freedom

You really need to work on your self confidence. This guy is woeful. But the next will be too until you understand that you are worthy of a healthy respectful loving relationship and anything else is beneath you. Men like this have a radar for women who will accept shitty treatment. I'm a firm believer in "show me your partner, and I ll show you how much you love yourself".

I would rather be alone than put up with this sort of violence. And this sort of treatment is violence and is correlated to physical violence. He's basically testing your boundaries. If you put up with this shit, he could easily start using his fists.

Yes, I agree that he will reappear - abusers dont let go of their playthings so easy - I'm feeling anxious for OP even though she is a total stranger to me.

Please tell someone close to you about this situation and make sure you are not on your own, if possible - so if he reappears he can be made to leave asap. If he refuses to leave, please call the police.

Also second blocking him on everyhting - but this goes without saying.

I don’t think you have been a fool, @Wittypeach , but your so called “boyfriend” has been bullying you psychologically for so long that you are now willing to try to do anything to try to appease him. You deserve so much more than this from a relationship. As others have advised, get rid of him. He is so unworthy of your time, love and devotion. Best of luck and DON’T let him work his way back into your heart with promises. He has shown you by his actions (jealousy/unfaithfulness to “punish” you etc) how unworthy of your love he is, and what an absolute horror of a lifelong partner/husband he would be.

You’re not a fool, you’re human and you’ve made an error in judgment. Don’t worry about what happened in the past as there’s nothing that can change it.

We’ve all been in relationships that weren’t suitable in one way or another and have been blinded by them (some of us more than others, so I’m not judging).

You’re here now and that’s what matters - you now decide where you go from here.

He will come back, his type always do, so you need to be really honest with yourself here and decide if you think you’re strong enough to not give in and take him back. If you don’t think you are, please block him and delete his number.

I truly understand how hard that is, and unless someone has been in this type of relationship, it’s really hard for them to understand why it’s not easy to just walk away, but trust me, this will be the best decision you ever make.

It took me an embarrassingly long time to get there, but you’re only two years in, so walk away now and don’t let him come back.

Christ he had done you up like a kipper here. Get out and don't look back.

Your grief is for the man you want him to be and not the man he is.

He's done a dramatic flounce but he'll be back. With you a little more cowed and him with even greater power.

Take back control or this will escalate and you'll be a shadow of yourself without realising it's happening.

If this was a friend what would you say? And you've not told yours because you know what they would say.

I know it doesn't feel it now but he's done you a favour. Please don't take him back when he comes calling.

Then THANK GOODNESS for your sake he ended it, because it looks like you didn’t have the tools to spot the huge red flags. You may not feel it now but you have been very very lucky op. PLEASE be single for a while whilst you work out what is acceptable, and what you MUST walk away from in future forever much you think you’re in love.

at the start of our relationship he found some old messages from before we was together, he told me I hadn't protected the relationship and that I guess as revenge he cheated.

How were you supposed to ‘protect the relationship’? By being Mystic Meg and predicting you would be with him one day so not messaging other men?

He was looking for an excuse to cheat. He is likely cheating on you now. Men tend to find another woman first before leaving their existing girlfriend.

You have had a lucky, lucky escape.

I would also get tested for any STDs he might have have left you with.

*however much

this. he showed you your potential future

So he was blaming his cheating on you?? Now any man that looks your way is potentially sleeping with you (in his mind)?? You would be mad to take him back! Run and dont look back!

And yeah, he will be back grovelling! Don't take him back!!!

Your only a fool if you go back to him

My ex was exactly the same-it wouldn't surprise me if it was the same bloke

I once smiled at a bloke who served me in a shop-i smiled and said thank you

The shit that caused-id been shagging him for months apparently (never met this guy in my life)

Another time I stopped to say hello to a guy I'd been on one date with

3 months of sulking and trying to force me to admit I was still shagging him (I didn't but he's still convinced i was)

It got that bad that one day I was out shopping with my female friend and he rang-apparently we where 'talking about him' (we wheren't) and ended with me 'trying to get in her knickers' (she was like a sister to me)

Its not love,its trauma bonding and low self esteem

Leave this tosser to sulk-youve done nothing wrong

Give him a shock and block him-dont speak to him again (that was the biggest shock to my ex,that i wasnt playing the game anymore-be prepared for the begging and when that doesn't work,the smear campaign-mine is still telling people I was shagging anything that moved,15 years on)

I promise that one day you'll look back and wonder what the fuck you ever saw in him-its the hardest thing you'll ever do but i swear,life will be on the up from now on

Good riddance to him. You should be celebrating the fact he’s no longer your problem.

I always think this is such a good telling point. If you’re too embarrassed to tell friends about his behaviour, you know it’s wrong.

he’ll come crawling back op and you must not let him back in your life . This would only get worse he sounds utterly obnoxious and abusive

He sounds awful.

Sounds like my daughter's ex actually who constantly accused her of cheating throughout their relationship (she wasn't) and used abusive language like "slut" if she was friendly to other men.

Eventually she finished with him. Guess who had a new partner within a week as he had another girl on the back burner all along? Yes it was him.

He was a cheater and accused her of the thing he was guilty of.

You're well shot of this controlling, abusive arsehole. Please don't go crawling back to him, it is what he will be expecting.

He’s done you a favour by fucking off.

I always look at both sides, sounds like hes been hurt before.
But he should have had a health conversation about it, ive an ex who suddenly ended our relationship with some very serious accusations, no clue why snd didnt anticipate, turns out they were in contact with a previous person ghey hsd an affair with. Lesson lesrnt i guesd.

If Andrew Tate wasn’t in custody I’d be asking if it was him. Sounds like one of his disciples though.
He has done you a huge favour now do yourself one and go and get some counselling to work on your self esteem and boundaries.

This might help …

“Trust issues”, so the trust issues are with him because he cheated and so he now expects that you will! He is outrageous and you are honestly better off without this horrible person. It’s time to block him. I promise he will be back, wanting to get back with you, but it won’t work. Imagine if you were married - he would be off doing all sorts and you would trust him because you would not expect him to be unfaithful: and he would be putting you in solitary confinement due to his “trust issues”. Is this the future you want?

Please, please, please do not carry on a relationship with this person. He has twisted your reality so that his behaviour seems reasonable to you. It really isn’t. I had a partner like this many years ago - reading your posts has flashed me back to living like that. I remember once being a few minutes late to his house (before we lived together) because the bus had been caught in traffic, and spending the whole rest of the evening desperately trying to convince him that I hadn’t been 10 minutes late because I’d been doing something I shouldn’t. We were together for 4 years until I finally realised I needed to get out. Please, please, please block him, tell some friends, and get some therapy as soon as possible, before he weasels his way back and you’re living like that again. You deserve so much better than this. Wishing you strength and better times in your future.

The ones accusing so much are always the ones cheating so he probably is tbh. Lucky escape hes gross