Page 10 | Boyfriend ended relationship after gym misunderstanding with friendly personal trainer

Wittypeach · 2026-08-27T22:17:10+00:00

Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective because I am in shock and questioning myself. My boyfriend and I have had trust issues and were trying to rebuild. We started going to my gym together. I am 35, and there is a young PT there (around 20) who is just a naturally friendly person. He gives out fist bumps and hugs to regular members. I’ve only ever spoken to him about gym classes, a lost ring, and a minor incident at the gym. It is purely polite, casual small talk. Today, as we walked into the gym, the PT smiled and walked over to give me a hug. Knowing my boyfriend's jealousy, I immediately backed off, refused the hug, and gave him a fist bump instead, whispering "no". The PT got the message and walked away. My boyfriend immediately snapped. He told me I could finish my workout but that he was leaving. I followed him out to his car to try and talk to him, but he was having none of it. He ended our relationship right there in the car. He called me a "liar" and a "slag", saying no woman of his should be close enough for a man to feel comfortable hugging her, and insisted something is going on between us. He then drove me home, made me go inside to get all of his belongings from my house, and drove off. He has now blocked and deleted me on absolutely everything and refuses to speak to me. I feel completely blindsided, humiliated, and sick to my stomach. I actively tried to stop the hug to respect his boundaries, and now I'm being punished and dumped over it. Am I crazy? Is this reaction normal, or is this extreme control and an excuse to leave? Has anyone experienced a partner completely cutting them off like this?

FlayOtters · 28/08/2026 08:28

Sparkletastic · 28/08/2026 07:52

Your ex sounds like a psycho.
Huggy personal trainer needs to rein it in.

er no, friendly affectionate PT is not responsible for said psycho's insane reaction. He can carry on being a nice person.

Agapornis · 28/08/2026 08:28

Please read up on what coercive control is. Him insisting that you train together at your gym, but then making the actual training very difficult/impossible for you, is a great example of it.

The 'trust issues' you've had were all his and not yours.

You don't need to know why he does that and find a way to fix him. You don't need to analyse his personality. He's not a project or an obligation. He's abusive, that's all you need to know.

If you're worried about telling your friends (has he tried to alienate you from them?), that's a good indicator to end it.

LatteLady · 28/08/2026 08:29

All you can do is block him, you do not deserve such bizarre treatment, it is not normal and he certainly does not deserve to have you in his life.

Have a lovely weekend, enjoy a better and brighter future.

MyMilchick · 28/08/2026 08:30

OP this guy cheated on you but he's acting like you're the one who needs to prove yourself. There is a very good chance that he will unblock you and expect you to grovel and make yourself even smaller for him. Please do not allow this to happen, he is not a good man and that was not a healthy relationship

Original poster

Wittypeach · 28/08/2026 08:30

This is the first time I have actually reached out, so you have no idea how helpful all of you have been.
If it helps I have been in terrible relationships before.
I was with a cheater who actually had a baby with another woman when I was younger and the one before this one drank a lot and used drugs and when I left harassed me non stop for about 9 months which I had to get police involved to find out that he had done this before when I did the Clare's law.
So I don't think I know what a healthy relationship looks like.
He came in and he was perfect and I have always felt like the issue here, that I wasn't good enough, I'm doing something wrong .. if I do this , if I hadn't of done that ..
He tells me that he loves me that's why he is still here after all of this and told me that I don't know how to behave while been in a relationship.
I think I am definitely low on self esteem and scared to be abandoned and having a family who all have wonderful relationships and and a mom and dad who have been married forever makes me feel it's me and that I need to fight more to make it work.
After reading these comments I think I have been an idiot.

OP posts:

poachy · 28/08/2026 08:32

Wittypeach · 28/08/2026 08:00

I honestly wished I hadn't, he didn't even tell me I found out and then had the crying and grovelling at my door, I still loved him and he said he would 'fix it'
I really need this comments m, I feel I have been such a fool.

You’re not a fool. Men like this do this gradually to women, and abuse like this is found in all sections and classes of society, it’s not about intelligence. It’s about gradually manipulating and coercing you to share his twisted narrative.

When I was very young I had a boyfriend that would accuse me of cheating, told me I was staring at his friends etc. To the extent I started to believe it. But I wasn’t! I loved him (or thought I did). Love isn’t full of all this anguish and proving your worth. He manipulated you but that is his shame, not yours. His cheating was his responsibility and his decision, you did not make that happen and the fact he tried to make you believe it was - absolutely grim.

He will come grovelling after this when he realises you’re not grovelling over him. Prepare yourself love. There is so much better for you.

Holdinguphalfthesky · 28/08/2026 08:32

Wittypeach · 28/08/2026 08:00

I honestly wished I hadn't, he didn't even tell me I found out and then had the crying and grovelling at my door, I still loved him and he said he would 'fix it'
I really need this comments m, I feel I have been such a fool.

You’re not a fool, you’ve been manipulated and coerced. You’re well out of this, if I were you I would block him myself so that if he decides he wants a shag he can’t actually get back in touch with you.

If you stay/ get back with him, he’ll be increasingly worse. You know who says “You made me do that”? Men who’ve beaten their partners. Men who’ve cheated. Men who are abusive men. Whatever they do, someone else made them do it. No matter what you do to try and be acceptable to him, you will always do something (or not do something) which he’ll use as a reason to abuse you. I include cheating in that. If he had anything about him he would have taken full responsibility for cheating before, not twisted it around to make HIS behaviour YOUR fault.

JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome · 28/08/2026 08:33

How long had you been together? I hope you have somewhere to go op.

Hankunamatata · 28/08/2026 08:33

Op just nope
He is jealous because he is a cheater.
Run op. Do freedom programme perhaps

gazelka · 28/08/2026 08:33

To play Devil's Advocate your initial behaviour does look a bit sketchy. Whispering 'no' to the PT and him sheepishly disappearing does seem like suspicious behaviour.

I also don't think you should be hugging a PT who is clearly an aquiantance as opposed to a friend. I think quite alot of women on here would be pretty unhappy if their partners were hugging the young PT from the gym.

That aside you're clearly better off without your ex boyfriend. The way he spoke to you is disgusting and he's emotionally immature if he can't discuss relationship issues without taking a strop.

MyMilchick · 28/08/2026 08:34

Wittypeach · 28/08/2026 08:30

This is the first time I have actually reached out, so you have no idea how helpful all of you have been.
If it helps I have been in terrible relationships before.
I was with a cheater who actually had a baby with another woman when I was younger and the one before this one drank a lot and used drugs and when I left harassed me non stop for about 9 months which I had to get police involved to find out that he had done this before when I did the Clare's law.
So I don't think I know what a healthy relationship looks like.
He came in and he was perfect and I have always felt like the issue here, that I wasn't good enough, I'm doing something wrong .. if I do this , if I hadn't of done that ..
He tells me that he loves me that's why he is still here after all of this and told me that I don't know how to behave while been in a relationship.
I think I am definitely low on self esteem and scared to be abandoned and having a family who all have wonderful relationships and and a mom and dad who have been married forever makes me feel it's me and that I need to fight more to make it work.
After reading these comments I think I have been an idiot.

Sounds like you need to stay single for a while and work on yourself, a man should compliment your life not make you smaller or change who you are. Please dont take this man back if he tries

NancyThompson · 28/08/2026 08:34

If the personal trainer has any astuteness at all, he will now be worried about you and think your boyfriend is abusive.
By leaving you and blocking you, the prick has done you an enormous favour because that type of man also likes stalking and harrassment.

RunningJo · 28/08/2026 08:34

I understand you feeling hurt, he’s accused you of things that aren’t true.

The PT shouldn’t really be hugging anyone, it’s a bit unprofessional tbh. Good to be friendly, but a hug, a bit much imo
but that absolutely doesn’t excuse your partners name calling/behaviour. He’s shown you, more than once who he is, believe him.
His reaction was over the top, it’s childish and unhealthy, before long he’ll be telling you how to dress and who you can see.

Leave now before it gets worse, don’t waste anymore more time on someone like this x

borborygmus1 · 28/08/2026 08:36

Have a look at the book running on empty by Jonice webb. I don't know whether it applies to your situation but it may be worth a read for you. Repeated bad relationships doesn't usually come from nowhere. There's usually a reason for it.

Pipsquiggle · 28/08/2026 08:36

@Wittypeach due to your relationship history, I don't think you should be going out with anyone until you have worked on yourself - particularly your confidence and self esteem.

Original poster

Wittypeach · 28/08/2026 08:36

I spoke to the lady who owns the gym, I am quite close with her and told her what had happened that day and she said she will have a word with him as he shouldn't be doing that but just kind of laughed as if you know what he's like type of vibe .

OP posts:

SoftSpotForDandelions · 28/08/2026 08:36

You have dodged a massive bullet. The universe has given you a gift saying this repeated behaviour of getting into relationships with terrible men and believing what they say rather than what they do needs to end.

I know therapy is expensive but I think it would be a great investment in your future. Men can spot vulnerable women a mile off and until you have the tools to spot the signs early on you are going to be lovebombed into another abusive relationship and you might not survive the next one.

You have an amazing chance to change your life for the better. Best of luck out there!

SoftSpotForDandelions · 28/08/2026 08:37

You have dodged a massive bullet. The universe has given you a gift saying this repeated behaviour of getting into relationships with terrible men and believing what they say rather than what they do needs to end.

I know therapy is expensive but I think it would be a great investment in your future. Men can spot vulnerable women a mile off and until you have the tools to spot the signs early on you are going to be lovebombed into another abusive relationship and you might not survive the next one.

You have an amazing chance to change your life for the better. Best of luck out there!

AbsolutelyAvocadorable · 28/08/2026 08:37

Wittypeach · 28/08/2026 08:30

This is the first time I have actually reached out, so you have no idea how helpful all of you have been.
If it helps I have been in terrible relationships before.
I was with a cheater who actually had a baby with another woman when I was younger and the one before this one drank a lot and used drugs and when I left harassed me non stop for about 9 months which I had to get police involved to find out that he had done this before when I did the Clare's law.
So I don't think I know what a healthy relationship looks like.
He came in and he was perfect and I have always felt like the issue here, that I wasn't good enough, I'm doing something wrong .. if I do this , if I hadn't of done that ..
He tells me that he loves me that's why he is still here after all of this and told me that I don't know how to behave while been in a relationship.
I think I am definitely low on self esteem and scared to be abandoned and having a family who all have wonderful relationships and and a mom and dad who have been married forever makes me feel it's me and that I need to fight more to make it work.
After reading these comments I think I have been an idiot.

You’re not an idiot! Anyone who makes you feel you have to moderate innocent behaviour is controlling. Using things that happened before you were even together to excuse cheating?? That’s manipulative, crazy behaviour. I’m not going to tell you what to do, but please stay strong, don’t let this horrible person back into your life, you deserve so much better. X

MyDeftDuck · 28/08/2026 08:37

Seriously OP……..you’re upset because your BF didn’t like the fact that you talk to people of the opposite sex and he dumped you?! He has done you a massive favour!
That ‘hurt and abandonment’ you’re currently feeling is FREEDOM! Go live your life.

StandingDeskDisco · 28/08/2026 08:37

Wittypeach · 28/08/2026 08:30

This is the first time I have actually reached out, so you have no idea how helpful all of you have been.
If it helps I have been in terrible relationships before.
I was with a cheater who actually had a baby with another woman when I was younger and the one before this one drank a lot and used drugs and when I left harassed me non stop for about 9 months which I had to get police involved to find out that he had done this before when I did the Clare's law.
So I don't think I know what a healthy relationship looks like.
He came in and he was perfect and I have always felt like the issue here, that I wasn't good enough, I'm doing something wrong .. if I do this , if I hadn't of done that ..
He tells me that he loves me that's why he is still here after all of this and told me that I don't know how to behave while been in a relationship.
I think I am definitely low on self esteem and scared to be abandoned and having a family who all have wonderful relationships and and a mom and dad who have been married forever makes me feel it's me and that I need to fight more to make it work.
After reading these comments I think I have been an idiot.

He tells me that he loves me that's why he is still here after all of this and told me that ...

Words are cheap.
Don't listen to any man's words. Instead, look at his actions.

AdeleRochester · 28/08/2026 08:38

He’s going to get back in touch soon expecting you to beg for forgiveness.

Don’t.

He’ll use it as a lever to continue to abuse you.

Keep him blocked everywhere and don’t let him in your house. You owe him nothing.

PS the hugging trainer is also unhealthy. You didn’t do anything wrong but it’s entirely inappropriate for a gym staff member to be hugging their customers. Cut him off too.

Purplerubberducky · 28/08/2026 08:38

He is abusive and this all sounds very immature. Things will only get worse. Please do not go back.

Sereine · 28/08/2026 08:38

He expects you to come grovelling and begging him to return. Whatever you do, don't fall for that.

QiBengong · 28/08/2026 08:39

crazymommaclub · 28/08/2026 07:15

Thank the universe that he’s shown you his true colours and run for the hills!

'no woman of his' is a really revealing phrase about his thinking and attitude to you. As well as being dehumanising, possessive and controlling, it also implies a plural.

'My woman' would be bad enough but 'no woman of mine' suggests that you are one of an interchangeable group of possessions rather than an active person in a relationship.

Using 'my girlfriend' or' my fiancé would still have been controlling and possessive but would at least have acknowledged your relationship, you as an individual, a human rather than implying you are part of an interchangeable string, or harem he owns and has control over.

I wasn't surprised when your later posts revealed he has cheated on you. He sees himself as human, the main player character (he can do whay he wants, cheat, lie, whatever) and he sees you as a lesser being, where he gets to define and control. He sees you as not as important as him, not as a person but as an interchangeable asset, who shouldn't step out of the role he has assigned you, and he punishes you when you inadvertently do, to keep you unbalanced and train your behaviour.

TLDR: This isn't love, this isn't a relationship, he's a pathetic weak and abusive individual and you are so much better out of it. I really hope you cut ties and go on to find a relationship with an normal, emotionally mature man ( they do exist!) who is a real partner and values his relationship with you.