Boyfriend ended relationship after gym misunderstanding with friendly personal trainer

[Wittypeach]

Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective because I am in shock and questioning myself.
My boyfriend and I have had trust issues and were trying to rebuild. We started going to my gym together. I am 35, and there is a young PT there (around 20) who is just a naturally friendly person. He gives out fist bumps and hugs to regular members. I’ve only ever spoken to him about gym classes, a lost ring, and a minor incident at the gym. It is purely polite, casual small talk.
Today, as we walked into the gym, the PT smiled and walked over to give me a hug. Knowing my boyfriend's jealousy, I immediately backed off, refused the hug, and gave him a fist bump instead, whispering "no". The PT got the message and walked away.
My boyfriend immediately snapped. He told me I could finish my workout but that he was leaving. I followed him out to his car to try and talk to him, but he was having none of it. He ended our relationship right there in the car. He called me a "liar" and a "slag", saying no woman of his should be close enough for a man to feel comfortable hugging her, and insisted something is going on between us.
He then drove me home, made me go inside to get all of his belongings from my house, and drove off. He has now blocked and deleted me on absolutely everything and refuses to speak to me.
I feel completely blindsided, humiliated, and sick to my stomach. I actively tried to stop the hug to respect his boundaries, and now I'm being punished and dumped over it. Am I crazy? Is this reaction normal, or is this extreme control and an excuse to leave? Has anyone experienced a partner completely cutting them off like this?

Thankyou so much

I can’t imagine how awful your relationship history with men must be @Wittypeach for you to be in this relationship

at 35

You say that you loved him so much but he really doesn't sound lovable. He sounds like a complete hypocrite as he has actually been unfaithful and you haven't.

Honestly, you will be much better off without him and you will be able to see that more clearly once the shock of him just dumping you like that has worn off.

Won’t take you long to realise you’ve dodged a bullet (and a bully) there. 🚩🚩🚩

So he gaslighted you and blamed you for his cheating? Oh my goodness, I’d say you’ve dodged a bullet but I feel you’ve already wasted 2 years with this abusive excuse of a man. Thank your lucky stars you never married or had children!

Your ex is a jerk and you're well rid, but honestly? I'm looking a little sideways at the PT, too.

It feels like that now but this man doesn't love u he wants to control u and this behaviour is conditioning u to comply !
U have made a lucky escape ,n
Been with my hubbi 30 years and not once have I ever had to treat on eggshells to appease him !
Normal relationships u can be yourself and happily engage with other people of the opposite sex.

So he cheated, but it’s your fault? You do see how warped and crazy that is don’t you?

Naturally and that that is how you feel at the moment but over time you will shift your perspective. That guy sounds absolutely awful. I’m married decades and have had cause to hug multiple men over that time in front of my DH as he has hugged women. There has never been a minute of my relationship that I have felt I need to moderate my behaviour to appease DH because respect and trust are absolutely integral to our relationship.

You will feel better soon once your emotional side catches up with your logical side. It just takes a bit. This guy was one for the scrap heap, he has done you a favour.

He sounds a nasty controlling piece of work, you are well rid. Block him back on everything especially socials and focus on yourself.

he doesn’t sound like someone you should be trying to have a future with, he would have you walking on eggshells constantly.

Why are you with this controlling jealous moron? You should be happy to be rid of.him not stressing yourself asking about YOUR behaviour.

He’s a controlling prick

He’s done you a favour. Get celebrating 🥳

He doesn’t trust you as he can’t be trusted.

This is a poignant moment for you, but also a really important moment in your life to do what is best for you….not him.
Your update shows that you are low in self esteem and you should work on that. He is able to be like this with you, because you are letting him. Come on girl, you’ve got this!

Also, PT’s should not be hugging their clients unless they know them personally.

good luck in starting over again 👍

Dear Lord. You’ve had a lucky escape, why on earth are you upset and ‘feeling abandoned’ about this? I think you may need to work on your own self esteem if you are prepared to put up with that and be upset when he resolves the issue for you by leaving.

You have to run away from this man. He is a manipulative liar.

I completely agree with this. Counselling was the thing that really helped me understand why I was choosing a relationship like this.

Yep, like others have said, this man had so many red flags he probably bought the company. But this comment “no woman of his” wtaf??? Is it 1342?? What a relief OP. There’s plenty more fish in the sea, this one was a rotting corpse of a shark

Over the years, I have tried so hard to show him that I can be trusted and I have done everything humanly possible but nothing has ever been enough, he just takes things and makes up his own version of events and no matter what I say it doesn't make a difference.
He has done this a few times but not to this extent.
I think that I am just so in love with him that i have been trying so hard to prove my innocence and to make it work then seeing what he has been doing to me! These messages are really opening my eyes and after some research I think he might be a dismissive aviotant aswell.

"no woman of his"
He regards you as a possession.
This incident has saved you from many such incidents of controlling abusive behaviour.
So it is a good thing he has gone - it really really is.

I'll echo what others have said - he has done you a favour.

He's looking at you through the lens of his own behaviour - because he has cheated he thinks that you are capable of it too.

He won't change OP. I hope you are strong enough to walk away and find someone more worthy of you.

He is definitely training you. He will be back, ready to forgive if you have learned your lesson and behave how he thinks you should and have you subservient and obedient.

If you waver, just ask yourself if you want to live your life like that - isolated and unable to do, or talk to, anyone he doesn't approve of while he f*cks around (then blamed you for him doing it).

It's abuse, so hold strong & don't let him back in, no matter how he live bombs you.

Do you live alone? Work? Have friends?

Yes, I have been in a similar situation. He turned violent, and it took many years for me to recover.

Has he ended the relationship? If so, good. Never mind what he says at this stage -that you’re having an affair with the PT, whatever. Keep denying (obviously), say that you accept his decision to end the relationship, go to ground. You deserve someone who lets a huggy person hug you without it ruining your life.

I don't live with him, I work and have friends but I have not told anyone the full extent of what he's done as I've been too embarrassed.