Boyfriend ended relationship after gym misunderstanding with friendly personal trainer

[Wittypeach]

Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective because I am in shock and questioning myself.
My boyfriend and I have had trust issues and were trying to rebuild. We started going to my gym together. I am 35, and there is a young PT there (around 20) who is just a naturally friendly person. He gives out fist bumps and hugs to regular members. I’ve only ever spoken to him about gym classes, a lost ring, and a minor incident at the gym. It is purely polite, casual small talk.
Today, as we walked into the gym, the PT smiled and walked over to give me a hug. Knowing my boyfriend's jealousy, I immediately backed off, refused the hug, and gave him a fist bump instead, whispering "no". The PT got the message and walked away.
My boyfriend immediately snapped. He told me I could finish my workout but that he was leaving. I followed him out to his car to try and talk to him, but he was having none of it. He ended our relationship right there in the car. He called me a "liar" and a "slag", saying no woman of his should be close enough for a man to feel comfortable hugging her, and insisted something is going on between us.
He then drove me home, made me go inside to get all of his belongings from my house, and drove off. He has now blocked and deleted me on absolutely everything and refuses to speak to me.
I feel completely blindsided, humiliated, and sick to my stomach. I actively tried to stop the hug to respect his boundaries, and now I'm being punished and dumped over it. Am I crazy? Is this reaction normal, or is this extreme control and an excuse to leave? Has anyone experienced a partner completely cutting them off like this?

I wish!
Sadly this is my life right now and looking back and reading these comments does sounds absurd but I'm only just seeing this now, it's very different when you're living it and someone is telling you things and one min wants everything with you and the next your nothing ! You feel you need to fight to prove yourself

I was in my local shop and saw a young man wearing a black tee shirt with Personal Trainer printed on the back.
He didn't hug me though.
Hope your ok today OP.x

No one should be begging in a relationship. Any man who says, if you really love me, you would do x, should be avoided. As well as any man who says well I love you that’s why I’m still with you even though you’re awful.

You should feel cherished in a relationship. And if you don’t, get out of there.

If you are feeling constantly confused or anxious, needing to prove yourself

then there is an issue.
That’s a red flag. Just because it feels ‘normal’ to you does not mean it’s right.

I know a man.The gym like that too one of the trainers.

One I'm flagging in class and not keeping up. He goes come on, I got you....

he's also, as a joke said, I love you... i've always got you.

i told my partner this, and we laughed.

The trainer is not only gay, but his partner is also a trainer in that gym and we are also on friendly terms

It's just a joke and there's nothing in it.Anyone should know that.

Your boyfriend is an arse

You have your own house thank God. You don't need this man child wanker in your life x

‘it's very different when you're living it and someone is telling you things and one min wants everything with you and the next your nothing ! You feel you need to fight to prove yourself’

Read that back to yourself, that there, right there is why you are trauma bonded not ‘in love’ you’re desperate to prove yourself to a worthless jackarse!

Love is reciprocal it is an action it is a verb. He is not showing you he loves you at all. He’s showing you that he wants complete control and you subjugated.

What are you going to do when he comes back? You do realise this charade of ‘ending it’ is all part of your training?

You are going to feel so happy and relieved when he ‘gives you another chance’ that you might forget this thread and be back into the spider web again. Be careful out there.

So ask yourself how much freedom you are prepared to give up to feel ‘happy and secure’.

Have your boundaries be set and policed by someone else?
Be humiliated in public by having to signal to a sociable person that you ‘belong’ to someone else?
Walk on eggshells for fear of invoking jealousy, wrath and revenge?

OP, this man doesn’t sound safe to be around.

I know it must hurt now, but look after yourself and recover with one object in mind: know how to look after yourself.

If you need a man to feel worthwhile then you are at risk of depending on hhe ones who do you most damage.

This man was one of those.

Good luck as you rebuild yourself, stronger and safer.

Lucky escape if you ask me.

Be thankful he's done this, now get back to the gym and start to enjoy life again..........

I remember this well. I would say to you that the last chain you have to blast through is the desire for justice. He will use it as a weapon. He will say terrible things like “I can prove you were unfaithful” or on the other hand “I think I realise where I went wrong”. Anything to get you to engage. You need, for your future life and happiness, to disengage

Please don’t take this guy back especially I’d you have children or could possibly fall pregnant. He is showing you who he is and it will not get better.

this is totally normal. It took my shitty ex just a couple of months and I started questioning my sanity and all my decisions ever.

+1 for he's a bellend and you are well shot of him.

However, I am astonished by the attitude of the PT. IME they have a no touch policy and no exclusions. If the bellend made a complaint to the gym, PT could well lose his job.

This.

@Wittypeach Do the Freedom Program if you genuinely thing any part of this shit is OK.

You will all be pleased to know I have gone on to everything and BLOCKED HIM! ( well on what I could)
I feel like my life is falling apart and can't get him off my mind even though I know I'm innocent and he has been cruel to me.
Any advice on what to do next ..

Congratulations @Wittypeach
You have successfully eradicated the Andrew Tate wannabe 👏😁

So he fucks around, abuses you, and treats you like shit and now you're desperate for him to take you back. Good lord. See a therapist to uncover why your standards for yourself are so low.

This is so sad to read. He cheated becysse he wanted to then blamed you. You can't have loved him so much as you barely knew him. You are 35! You should not be acting like this. Block and ekete him as he'll come crawling back. Get yourself some therapy. BTW you weren't abandoned, as he was never there for you. Get some self esteem and respect.

When you say “we have trust issues”, what you really mean is “my boyfriend has trust issues. He’s jealous, insecure and controlling”.

Theyre his issues and make him an unattractive partner. Dont choose to live your life walking on eggshells. Choose better, a nice partner who doesn’t make you choose between a happy life and them.

He has done you a favour, this kind of behaviour is a huge red flag and will only become more abusive as time goes on. Be warned though, men like this always come back so start strengthening yourself against the charms he will try and use to worm his way back in.

Aw hun that is horrible and although you feel sick and upset because you've done nothing wrong, you are so much better off without him. If he is so jealous and controlling then it would only have become worse. Even if he drags himself back and begs your forgiveness, it will happen again because these men don't change.
Be glad he's out of your life and.in time you will feel better. You deserve so much better. Sending hugs xx

I am so glad you have seen his true colours.
Remember you do not need a man, especially one like this.
Your man should make you feel like the only woman in the world and the only issues are his.
What it boils down to is, he does not trust you as he knows what he is like and what he has done and will continue to do.
He is so not worthy of you or any other woman.

Pick yourself up and give the PT at the gym the hug you both deserve.

What to do next? As well as celebrating getting rid of that abusive wanker (and well done you for blocking him), you could look into getting some counselling and work on your self esteem and boundaries - try to figure out why you don’t have the self worth to reject these men who abuse your trust and blame you for the abuse they mete out to you.