August 2026 - Well we took you to Stately Homes

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

I have started a new thread as the other one is now full.

I think they would do anything for attention. I think they all just messed up, bits of this, fragments of that all pieced together to form a human. Any old tactic to get attention works. Kids get attention so why not act like one. None of it makes much real sense, they messed up.

I can pretty much guess that this is about inheritance. Your brother doesn't want her to go into a care home, so he is doing what he thinks is right to keep her at home.
He thinks you need to stay far away, because you are the sensible one and can upset his plan.
Your brother hasn't quite worked out how ehausting it will be for him to look after your Mum...but certainly keep an eye on things.

I found this and it makes so much sense. A narcissist parent won’t let a child go. This ego is a huge problem. I get the giving out of roles depending on how they benefit them. How the poor children must feel having to live up to a role that could be completely alien to who they are just to keep up an image that feeds an ego. The cutting off of family who interfere with the image. Family becomes another orchestrated resource to a narc, it’s an abuse of the nature of a family. I am so glad I have taken a step back. What would have happened if I got caught up. It would have been so easy to have been jealous of this family. At the beginning I was but on the inside it’s awful. No one tell me or my children who they are. I’m not afraid to be told I’m bad either, I’m not afraid to be left out of this hell hole. I never realised the level of orchestration going on, the children must have so much fear to line up to.

I think I have levelled up to be more of a “regular” person. That thought that no one tells me who I am….that must be what a regular person would say who had a good stable childhood!? I can see how they attract broken and vulnerable people, must have previously had a sign on my head that said please tell me who I am!

Hi everyone,
Anyone around for me to offload a bit please?
I have a thread running about my father being at end of life - been NC for 10 years.
He and my mother divorced 35+ years ago, very acrimoniously. He remained with his mistress (DM's best friend), she remarried and was with DSF for 15 years until he died.
I'm not close to DM. She has many narc traits and isn't particularly interested in maintaining a relationship with me.
She's called me tonight, out of the blue, to say she's been wondering whether to go to the funeral. She then went on a rant about how someone on fb had mentioned her and SM in the same sentence and she was outraged.
I asked why she was considering going to the funeral (of someone who hasn't actually died yet!!) - if it was to support her children (I'm the youngest and late 40s), I'd suggest discussing this with dsis but absolutely not right now. If it was to pay her respects to him, that was an entirely different angle and only she could make that decision. I also asked how she'd feel when she came face to face with SM because it wouldn't be right to turn up to a funeral and be openly hostile to the grieving widow.
I find it all so attention seeking and I can see absolutely nothing positive in her wanting to attend.

@Bottl Feel free to offload. We all know that sometimes just being able to (virtually) sound off helps.
From what you've said I also can't imagine any good reason that your DM would be even considering going to your father's funeral. The only reasons I can thing of that she'd even mention it to you in these circumstances are

1. A weird jealously that your father might be getting attention or even just be in your thoughts and she wants to remind you that she's the injured party
2. She's considering going to the funeral (for attention) and wants to claim she spoke to you and thought you agreed she should go
3. She has no intention of going to the funeral but wants an excuse to stir up difficult feelings with you and your siblings to make herself centre of attention

Thank you @formalwellies

1. This was exactly how things went from the time they split up until I left home at 17.
2. Yes, this is also possible - she does like to misremember/misunderstand things.
3. Possibly this too but she'd usually pick middle dsis for maximum impact. Really hoping she hasn't actually spoken to either dsis about this already and I'm torn between warning them or hoping now she's made the suggestion out loud to me she'll let it go.

She really does boggle my brain!!

Yes, @Bottl it sounds like main character syndrome. I would do my absolute best to not feed it with any attention if you can 💐