My teenage son has just blindsided me by talking about how he views mine and his dad's relationship - he said:
-dad doesn't do anything with us as a family (me, Ds 15 and Ds 10)
- our family is me, you, my brother and my grandparents - if dad moved out it wouldn't impact our lives, it would be easier because you wouldn't be looking after a grown man.
- dad doesn't help around the house, I see you doing everything even though you work full time.
- dad isn't interested in what we have to say, just his own interests, he's stuck in his phone
- dad prioritises his work and interests over all of us and we have to live in stressful conditions because of this (he runs his own business which has yet to turn a wage - almost there - and the business takes over the whole house to the detriment of family life)
- when dad isn't in the house, I'm so much happier and you're less stressed
- I don't think you love each other anymore
Problem is, he is absolutely spot on with every observation and it makes me very sad. I actually started crying while he was talking. These are the things that run around my head on the daily and why i've initiated separation conversation twice over the past three years with my partner of over 20 years. Both times he has persuaded me that it would be the wrong decision to split and we should communicate better and not throw away years of life together, that our better life is on the horizon within reach. It's improved for a short while and then gone back to the usual
The fact that my son has noticed all this and how angry he is about it is a massive wake up call. I don't want my youngest to feel this way in coming years, and I wonder if I should make the decision to leave. It scares me greatly because I'd miss him, he's my best friend when he's on form, but my son is right - life is easier when he's not here in the house. I'm less stressed, happier, the kids are happier. He causes conflict and resentment.
I had resigned myself to just crack on and try and be more tolerant as long as it didn't affect the kids, because I don't want to split up a family ( we're both from single parent households) and the youngest would be so upset. Should I allow my feelings to be swayed by my son's observations or should I just carry on?