Hello,
I’m looking for some advice as I’m pretty isolated and too embarrassed to open up to close family and friends.
My husband passed away during Covid following a brave battle with cancer over a two year period. My mother-in-law and father-in-law passed away shortly after. I have a very dysfunctional family on my side and we’re not close at all. My husband and my family were everything to me.
I have two children who were quite young when my husband passed (9 and 11) and the scars of Covid and bereavement through such a challenging time has been very hard, to say the least.
As I mentioned previously, I’m now quite isolated. I have some friends who aren’t in close proximity - all of whom have been amazing. But they have families/lives of their own and don’t like to bother anyone with all the sadness we’ve been experiencing.
Anyway, in pursuit of moving on I met someone online a couple of years ago (with my children’s consent). He seemed really nice, lots of fun and just what we needed in our lives and he recently moved in with us. Since moving in our situation has become concerning. He doesn’t get along with my eldest daughter, he drinks too much and has anger issues (shouting and banging mainly).
He has no children of his own and has struggled to adjust to their ways (mainly mess, eating things and leaving wrappers about etc). He’s very tidy and helps out a lot around the house. He has tried hard with my kids in his own way, but mainly superficial where he’ll buy them things and make treats which they can be a bit indifferent to.
As a couple we aren’t sexually active. When we first me he said he didn’t really have much of a sex drive, which I was happy about as was just looking for companionship.
He quit his job last year due to a toxic relationship with his partner and spent all his savings trying to create his own business over the past 8 months. He recently began earning again, however, his car died and I agreed to loan him money to buy a new one. I was expecting he’d choose something reasonable but picked a high end car under the premise he’d pay me back. This left me feeling uneasy but he had a bit of an outburst when I queried it and to keep things peaceful for my kids I agreed. I’ve never received any repayment.
My husband and in-laws left us with some inheritance and I stupidly passed on this information. I feel this has been the main attraction on his part.
Things have become unbearable at home, especially between him and my eldest daughter. He works from home which has forced me to change job and reduce my hours to ensure I’m around to monitor what’s going on.
I asked him to move out today and he told me he has a bankruptcy order in place and can’t afford a deposit to rent anywhere.
He’s requested I withdraw some money from my mortgage which he’s been paying towards over the past year to assist him. I’ve told him under no circumstances will I be doing this and that he should sell the car I bought for him.
He has no friends here, doesn’t speak to any family (has fallen out with them all during our time together). I feel utterly ashamed to have been so stupid and to have put my children in this situation.
I feel completely trapped.
Just to add, I’m a low income earner. All the money we’ve inherited has gone into ISA’s for my kids and I’m not willing to give him another penny. Feel responsible for helping him to find somewhere to stay though, especially to keep things calm for my kids sake.
Any advice would be gratefully appreciated please (and yes, I know I’m a complete idiot!).
💗