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Original poster

Partner having doubts about moving in together before house completion

80 replies

Greenfinger555 · 28/07/2026 12:22

My partner and I are around two weeks from completing on our first hone together. We are both selling our homes. He has three teenagers and i have 1. He is moving to my area as it is closer to his family and we prefer it here. The closer it gets the more he doubts he is doing the right thing, as he worries about taking his children away from what they know (he has 50:50 custody). He also days things haven't been right with us for a month. Granted, it has been a busy stressful month for me, but he has been distant whilst obviously holding these thoughts. I'm in a horrible limbo now of seeing what he will choose. He expects me to be normal to prove we are fine, yet how can I be after what feels like such an betrayal? I am trying so hard but feel physically sick. The new area will be 30 minutes drive from their school (which they are staying at). Any advice would be welcome, as I feel like I'm spiralling.

OP posts:
WelshRabBite · 28/07/2026 12:27

Do not buy the house.

It’s a huge financial outlay. You’ll potentially have 3 miserable teens living with you who have been moved away from their school and friends and have their social lives curtailed as a result.

He’s right to have concerns and if you’re not certain about it, don’t do it. You’ll be throwing money away if you have to sell again in a few months.

Enrichetta · 28/07/2026 12:29

Could it be that his children are less keen to move?

Their school will be a 30 minute drive away. Who will drive them?

Or, if they can take public transport, how long will this take?

Original poster
Greenfinger555 · 28/07/2026 12:30

WelshRabBite · 28/07/2026 12:27

Do not buy the house.

It’s a huge financial outlay. You’ll potentially have 3 miserable teens living with you who have been moved away from their school and friends and have their social lives curtailed as a result.

He’s right to have concerns and if you’re not certain about it, don’t do it. You’ll be throwing money away if you have to sell again in a few months.

Thank you- I do see this point, but don't know where it will leave our relationship. I love him dearly and will be devastated to lose him, and am unsure how we'd stand after such a U turn.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 28/07/2026 12:31

Have you exchanged contracts? I mean, are you legally bound to go ahead?
If you haven't, I would pull out.

Original poster
Greenfinger555 · 28/07/2026 12:32

Enrichetta · 28/07/2026 12:29

Could it be that his children are less keen to move?

Their school will be a 30 minute drive away. Who will drive them?

Or, if they can take public transport, how long will this take?

He will drive them, then work remotely until school finish time. This will be on a week on week off basis.

OP posts:
RoseField1 · 28/07/2026 12:33

Have you lived together before this? Because if not...don't do it.

Original poster
Greenfinger555 · 28/07/2026 12:33

DelphiniumBlue · 28/07/2026 12:31

Have you exchanged contracts? I mean, are you legally bound to go ahead?
If you haven't, I would pull out.

No, not yet.

OP posts:
Possiblynever · 28/07/2026 12:34

Better you find out before completion. I can't see that blending homes with 4 teenagers involved is ever a good idea, particularly when moving them away from their school/friends etc. I can see why he's having doubts but he shouldn't have agreed to it in the first place. .
If this is how he deals with you being stressed it doesn't bode well. Life is not a bed of roses.
Just wait until your kids are grown.

Original poster
Greenfinger555 · 28/07/2026 12:34

RoseField1 · 28/07/2026 12:33

Have you lived together before this? Because if not...don't do it.

He lives with me half of each week at the moment, when he doesn't have his kids.

OP posts:
MyDarlingRose · 28/07/2026 12:36

I would say that it’s either now or we wait until the youngest is 18 then. It’s not a never but it gives everyone breathing space even if it’s not exactly what you want.

Or, call a family meeting with all the teens. Find out what everyone truly thinks and if they’re not happy to move… then you don’t.

Original poster
Greenfinger555 · 28/07/2026 12:36

Possiblynever · 28/07/2026 12:34

Better you find out before completion. I can't see that blending homes with 4 teenagers involved is ever a good idea, particularly when moving them away from their school/friends etc. I can see why he's having doubts but he shouldn't have agreed to it in the first place. .
If this is how he deals with you being stressed it doesn't bode well. Life is not a bed of roses.
Just wait until your kids are grown.

I am starting to agree. The kids will be staying at their school, and the train to their city is 35 mins from the new place. They have already moved away from this place with their mum and her new husband, so lots of change for them. He was the one who pushed for this, and I have had a lot of emotions to deal with with my own daughter, so feel doubly let down as he knows this.

OP posts:
Likeiloveyou · 28/07/2026 12:36

I would postpone living together for now. Just take a step back, carry on with the relationship but no plans to live together.

Original poster
Greenfinger555 · 28/07/2026 12:38

Likeiloveyou · 28/07/2026 12:36

I would postpone living together for now. Just take a step back, carry on with the relationship but no plans to live together.

I hope that if this happens we can survive it. I do love him dearly, but I'm feeling so hurt and exposed right now.

OP posts:
WelshRabBite · 28/07/2026 12:40

So the four teenagers have never lived together before?

What if they hate living with each other and all the kids are unhappy?

You're worried about what NOT moving in together will do to your relationship with your DP, but you don’t seem to be considering what moving in together will do to his three kids who have their lives fucked about with and your DC who goes from having your undivided attention to having to share you with four other people.

Surely what the children want is more important here?

purplecorkheart · 28/07/2026 12:42

I think he is right and I think you should pull out of the sale (feel very sorry for the seller though). This is nothing personal to you or your relationship but rather the impact on three children who seem to have alot already happen to them.

You can continue with this relationship the way you are doing but I think it would be selfish on both parties to put their relationship ahead of four children who could be very very unhappy. When your kids are older, doing their own thing that is the time to move in.

Original poster
Greenfinger555 · 28/07/2026 12:42

WelshRabBite · 28/07/2026 12:40

So the four teenagers have never lived together before?

What if they hate living with each other and all the kids are unhappy?

You're worried about what NOT moving in together will do to your relationship with your DP, but you don’t seem to be considering what moving in together will do to his three kids who have their lives fucked about with and your DC who goes from having your undivided attention to having to share you with four other people.

Surely what the children want is more important here?

Yes, I get your point. They have all said they are okay with it. My daughter was unsure to begin with, but now seems excited.

OP posts:
Original poster
Greenfinger555 · 28/07/2026 12:43

purplecorkheart · 28/07/2026 12:42

I think he is right and I think you should pull out of the sale (feel very sorry for the seller though). This is nothing personal to you or your relationship but rather the impact on three children who seem to have alot already happen to them.

You can continue with this relationship the way you are doing but I think it would be selfish on both parties to put their relationship ahead of four children who could be very very unhappy. When your kids are older, doing their own thing that is the time to move in.

I see your point. I'd also be gutted for the seller as their house has been on the market for so long.

OP posts:
youalright · 28/07/2026 12:45

Have you sold your house

Original poster
Greenfinger555 · 28/07/2026 12:45

MyDarlingRose · 28/07/2026 12:36

I would say that it’s either now or we wait until the youngest is 18 then. It’s not a never but it gives everyone breathing space even if it’s not exactly what you want.

Or, call a family meeting with all the teens. Find out what everyone truly thinks and if they’re not happy to move… then you don’t.

I think this is the way it may go.

OP posts:
pillorinjection · 28/07/2026 12:46

My daughter was unsure to begin with, but now seems excited

So your daughter wasn't sure and you decided to go ahead anyway?

Speaking as a fellow single parent here - what on earth were you thinking?

AmandaHoldensLips · 28/07/2026 12:47

Don't worry about the seller. You won't be the first person to pull out of a sale.

Do not buy a house together. You can revisit this when the kids are grown up, but believe me when I say keeping your own home is a wise decision.

The relationship will work itself out. He might be a lot happier knowing that the current status quo will remain.

purplecorkheart · 28/07/2026 12:48

MyDarlingRose · 28/07/2026 12:36

I would say that it’s either now or we wait until the youngest is 18 then. It’s not a never but it gives everyone breathing space even if it’s not exactly what you want.

Or, call a family meeting with all the teens. Find out what everyone truly thinks and if they’re not happy to move… then you don’t.

I actually don't think a family meeting is fair on the children. Can they be honest or will they be made feel they are responsible for making their parent unhappy.

Op you and your partner are the grownups here. You need to put the kids first and pull out of the sale.

Original poster
Greenfinger555 · 28/07/2026 12:48

Likeiloveyou · 28/07/2026 12:36

I would postpone living together for now. Just take a step back, carry on with the relationship but no plans to live together.

Yes- this seems to be the best thing to do. I just wish he'd not push for this and put us all in this situation. I hope we can stay together, as he really is a good man.

OP posts:
pillorinjection · 28/07/2026 12:48

call a family meeting with all the teens. Find out what everyone truly thinks and if they’re not happy to move… then you don’t

I don't think it's fair to place the blame so obviously on them. The teens shouldn't have to argue their case, you should be their primary advocate. Blended families are so often a shit show I don't understand why anyone would be anything other than massively massively cautious. It's not long till they will have left home, and then you can do what you like

purplecorkheart · 28/07/2026 12:49

pillorinjection · 28/07/2026 12:46

My daughter was unsure to begin with, but now seems excited

So your daughter wasn't sure and you decided to go ahead anyway?

Speaking as a fellow single parent here - what on earth were you thinking?

Is she happy about it or being a good actress honestly?

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