Partner having doubts about moving in together before house completion

[Greenfinger555]

My partner and I are around two weeks from completing on our first hone together. We are both selling our homes. He has three teenagers and i have 1. He is moving to my area as it is closer to his family and we prefer it here. The closer it gets the more he doubts he is doing the right thing, as he worries about taking his children away from what they know (he has 50:50 custody). He also days things haven't been right with us for a month. Granted, it has been a busy stressful month for me, but he has been distant whilst obviously holding these thoughts. I'm in a horrible limbo now of seeing what he will choose. He expects me to be normal to prove we are fine, yet how can I be after what feels like such an betrayal? I am trying so hard but feel physically sick. The new area will be 30 minutes drive from their school (which they are staying at). Any advice would be welcome, as I feel like I'm spiralling.

i have read ever comment and agree with what has been advised. However, whilst I appreciate that you think he is a good man and that you are worried about the relationship, please do not be a door mat and a push over, please stick up for yourself and advocate your needs and be a good role model to your daughter.

Your partner is absolutely allowed to have his doubts and his worries, however, he does not get to abdicate the responsibility. He also does not get to manipulate you by telling you to be kind and be normal when he is potentially making a decision which has major implications for you and your daughter and your relationship. He’s causing this drama not you and you absolutely have the right to be fuming about this and want answers.

These doubts should have been sorted and put to bed way before you agreed to even go and look at a house. This is not a situation where you can pat his back nicely and be all ‘there there darling you take your time and I’ll just wait until you have made your mind up’. It. Is not fair. Absolutely not! This is not how you treat your partner.
Please be really clear with him that he needs to stop dilly dallying and give you a clear answer of whether he is in or out within a certain time scale other wise you will make the decision.

If he decides to pull the plug which is his right and you’ll be ok with this then be clear that he is responsible for any lost money that have been spent on solicitor’s fees and surveys etc to this point and you expect him to repay your half asap. I really do hope you have not completed on your sale.
As for the relationship that’s really a question only you can decide on. However, I would ask yourself whether you can depend on him in the future as it’s not a positive outlook and whether you can really be with someone who hurtles into selling houses and buying houses and pulling out of sales and purchases at this stage of proceedings and wasting everyone’s time effort and money. I’d also be really clear that if it is a no then he can be the one who makes all the calls to inform everyone. Whilst it’s easy to explain it away that these things happen and buyers pull out, actually it’s really unethical to do so at this point and it’s going to p off a lot of people and that’s not your making but his. I mean what with your sale and his sale and the joint purchase the chain could be massive at this point. That is not your drama to be reasonable for he can have that to deal with.

Oh lord this is going to be a train wreck 🤦‍♀️
Absolutely PULL OUT NOW!!!! If he really loved you and was 100% committed, it wouldn't even have crossed his mind to get cold feet. He does not love you if he feels its ok to be distant and leave you in limbo. How dare he think emotional abuse is acceptable?!
Yes it'll be shit for a while and be prepared for the relationship to take a tumble but far better that than lose thousands of pounds and living miserably for many months whilst you try to navigate this shit storm and sell up!!!

The kids are 30 minutes from school thats over 2 hours driving a day thats not do able,.do you really want 4 teenagers living with you, pull out and live together in the future

You're basically sat waiting to see if he wants to be with you or not.... And you know you deserve better than that. I would take control back and tell him you think it's best if you back out now. But be ready for him to say he agrees, it'll sting, but it will be better (and cheaper) in the long run.

Just cancel it and let it end. Selling and buying is stressful and he’s clearly not thought anything through. How much time do you want to waste ?