Anyone else have a husband who avoids daytime sex at home?

[YMK2]

We’ve got to the stage in our lives when our kids are often all at work and we have the house to ourselves.

I’ve suggested a few times that we could take advantage of this and have ‘fun’ without worrying how much noise we’re making or anyone potentially opening the door.

My DH reacts like this is the dumbest idea ever, and acts like he’d rather just watch TV or do household chores. I’m left feeling ridiculous and like I’m a massive fool.

We do have a great sex life a couple of times a month, but it’s always at night / early morning when he feels like it and I’m very conscious not to be heard.

Does anyone else have this issue? I feel like a freak because none of my female friends are the slightest bit interested, and all moan about their DHs and I seem to have the opposite ‘problem.’ 🤔

Yeah but then reply to the OP by adding a post. No need to quote me and reply just to me!

Expensive solution when we’ve got an empty house most weekends from lunch time to 11pm

Sorry to hear this. Are you female? I only ask because it’s so rarely this way around and against societal norms that the man has lost interest whilst his wife desperately wants more.

Yes I am :(

It does cause problems. My ex H was never into it, never held my hand or showed much physical affection, my DH knows this and knows how crappy and unwanted / undesirable that made me feel.

Admittedly we have had a very good ‘innings’ (no pun intended!) up till the last 2 years or so when it’s petered off to 2-3 times a month and sometimes less.

I can’t be bothered to try anymore or suggest anything in the day time as I’m left feeling like a ridiculous pest.

😔 I’m sorry for you, it’s not nice feeling like an anomaly amongst women.

Ironically a few weeks ago I had a conversation with DH about a friend who’s not had sex for 6 years and her DH slept with someone else. DHs very misogynistic instant response was “well if she’s not putting out I’m not suprised.” Yet he’s so rarely ‘putting out’ himself!

I do suspect a degree of stubbornness and withholding because he knows it’s what I want. Weird because he mostly a great DH in all other aspects.

He WFH, shares his Life360 location with me… so the chances of him having an affair are very slim.

Bloody frustrating for you OP. It does sound like he’s purposely not doing it because he know you want it.

if it was me, I would stop mentioning it and instead be making an extra effort to look even more fabulous and going out a lot more at times when I would have previously suggested it - e.g to walk/coffee/yoga/gym/tennis/riding. It’s not true of all men, but in my experience, men value what is difficult to get.

OK, apologies - I was adding my response to what you had posted, hence the quoting... but I won't do so again (after this one!).

I do think they like the ‘chase,’ and lose motivation if they don’t have to try. Although in his case I don’t think he’d be bothered, he’ll just sleep instead.

Im at the complete opposite end of this 🤣 been married for 8 year and ive had it up to here 🤦 trying to make love to my wife.. im 38 & she's 40.... I feel your pain, I really do

Middle of the day, noisy sex in an empty house is my favourite!!! 🤩 you are not mad, but your husband, sadly, can feel a different way of course.

I wfh full time and DH a couple of days a week. When DS is in school we occasionally have a long lunch and have sex. Makes the afternoon fly by as I in a good mood afterward.

Next time it could happen. Simply say well I'm in the mood for some sex & you don't seem to want it, so I'm popping upstairs for a wank, so if you want to join me it's up to you.

I'm a man, I'd be taking those stairs 4 at a time 😂

If husband doesn't want it in the daytime I tell him some of the other local dads who wfh will gladly step up... jk of course ;)

I really wanted to do this when I used to WFH, but an entire 18 months of us both WFH went by and it never happened despite several
suggestions on my part.

no I’m with you
far better stuff to worry about than bloody having sex in the middle of the day and having to get a shower and mess about - far too much to be doing!

We’ve just got to this stage OP and it’s brilliant. Am so sorry it’s disappointing that your OH is not up for enjoying the free afternoons. It’s so nice to be spontaneous again and totally get the freedom of net havinb to think about other people int he house

This time of year when it’s hot my partner becomes like a dog on heat and he’s found me in the kitchen or living room and instigated sex during the day all over then house. I am enjoying it while I can as come the change in weather it will be morning or night. There is something about doing it in the day time which feels extra hot and naughty!

Is your husband a bit uptight op? It seems a bit unfair that you have sex when he feels like it. Does he reject you in the night as well? Is the sex all on his terms? Nothing wrong with you at all!

But isn't it a bit selfish to only be up for it when you want? What about what your partner wants? A bit of compromise is needed.

That’s really odd, no? The withholding? Usually partners want to make each other happy? Sounds a bit controlling and it would turn me off.

Any chance he has a hidden ritual type thing beforehand like showering, blue pill, organising penis beaker etc that means he struggles with the spontaneity?

No, I don’t think so. I don’t see any of this going on. What on earth is a penis beaker?

Oh, you must be new round here - Google "Mumsnet Classic Penis Beaker" 😀.

Ah lucky you!

He used to be more touchy feely around the house, for the past few years barely bothers with any other physical contact aside from maybe holding hands on a walk.