Anyone else have a husband who avoids daytime sex at home?

[YMK2]

We’ve got to the stage in our lives when our kids are often all at work and we have the house to ourselves.

I’ve suggested a few times that we could take advantage of this and have ‘fun’ without worrying how much noise we’re making or anyone potentially opening the door.

My DH reacts like this is the dumbest idea ever, and acts like he’d rather just watch TV or do household chores. I’m left feeling ridiculous and like I’m a massive fool.

We do have a great sex life a couple of times a month, but it’s always at night / early morning when he feels like it and I’m very conscious not to be heard.

Does anyone else have this issue? I feel like a freak because none of my female friends are the slightest bit interested, and all moan about their DHs and I seem to have the opposite ‘problem.’ 🤔

The problem is there is not a lot going on 😂

What on earth is Tracey’s dog??
If the house is empty we make the most of the time and have sex. But you can’t force your husband, if he doesn’t feel that it’s something for you talk to him about

What do you mean 😂

I’d be happy if my husband was like yours 🤣

I feel like the odd bod here. My husband & I are both 60, enjoy sex whenever the mood takes us there are no set times or rules in our house....variety is the spice of life😉 we have also been married for nearly 36 years!

Sorry for you OP. It's such a negative impact on your self-esteem when a guy isn't actively 'trying' to have sex with you(!) - it shouldn't be, but it is. Maybe he has low testosterone or has gone off sex for other reasons - has his sex drive changed / was it always like this. Definitely have a chat with him. You obviously need to respect each other's needs but if there's a disconnect on this issue, it could cause problems.

Omg… google Tracey’s Dog reviews, you’ll have the best laugh ever, I think the Amazon ones were the funniest.

There’s not a lot going on here….

The “dirty teaspoon” bit made me laugh out loud 😂😂

Sounds like a lot of fun to me, his loss 😯

We almost always have sex in the afternoons when kids are working. One works afternoon/early evening, the other normal office hours. Not an option when they are in. I'm not a morning sex person anyway.

Oh @YMK2 no. The late, great Victoria Wood. She had a song for every occasion

So it sounds like he only wants sex on his terms. But if you keep mentioning it it could make him feel under pressure. I was with someone who never reciprocated when I wanted it. It was only when he wanted it.Now im with someone who wants it all the time and loves it when I initiate it at any time of the day.

Agree! Spontaneity is great. I understand needing to schedule it to fit it in if you're very busy, but if you've got some free time and you're both in the mood, why not?? Whether full sex, or something in between.

I think a bigger issue for OP might be that her husband just has a low sex drive, though. It's an unfortunate mismatch, and I'm not sure what can be done to fix it if he just isn't interested - it's not fair to expect him to perform on command, but it's not fun for OP to go without either.

You'll just have to go to hotels more often ...

Yes! It’s almost like pathological demand avoidance! He knows I really want to so he does anything else…putting stuff away / tidying up etc and then I can’t be ‘annoyed’ because he’s such a good DH so helpful around the house.

I much prefer daytime sex! At night I’m too tired, and mornings are no good, I wake up feeling groggy and grumpy! Dh would like sex anytime of the day. Our libidos don’t match so well these days though, I’ve had a really tough menopause, and can’t take HRT as I had breast cancer.

I think you and your dh need an honest conversation though.

Well we all like different things don't we?

Whilst I wouldn't be happy with 'sex by schedule', I too have a preference. I think most people do.

I’m older than you, and in perimenopause. And I’m not on HRT.

It isn’t actually lack of libido I’m talking about, though. Of course people can lose their sex drive or just have a naturally lower one.

What I mean is the way so many Mumsnetters talk so disdainfully about the very idea that women might enjoy sex. They seem to think that seeing sex as a chore, and finding it all a bit icky, is actually the normal default and that women who don’t feel the same are somehow a bit grubby and not ‘nice’, or are just trying to be ‘cool wives’ and ‘pick mes’.

My ex after getting in the mood: ok, lets undress, put our clothes away tidily, get under the duvet and now we can have sex. Erm no, I lost all interest!

I prefer being spontaneous, and do it anywhere/ everywhere anytime fancy takes you. I find spontaneity and passion really exciting.

It went from a couple of times a month to a couple of times a year for me :/ and I’m only 47 :(
i ended up feeling like a pest in the end and gave up completely! Always an excuse in the morning or evening !

There are loads of threads on MN where it's the other way around, with the DH bewildered and upset that his DW isn't constantly wanting sex with him. The response is usually that it's his issue to come to terms with; not hers - and the word 'pest' or 'pester' is frequently used.

Okay.. why are you telling me this? Was I involved in those threads?

You most probably weren't... but this is a very wide public forum, where people expand on posters' thoughts to add their own; it's not just a discussion between the two of us.