Anyone else have a husband who avoids daytime sex at home?

[YMK2]

We’ve got to the stage in our lives when our kids are often all at work and we have the house to ourselves.

I’ve suggested a few times that we could take advantage of this and have ‘fun’ without worrying how much noise we’re making or anyone potentially opening the door.

My DH reacts like this is the dumbest idea ever, and acts like he’d rather just watch TV or do household chores. I’m left feeling ridiculous and like I’m a massive fool.

We do have a great sex life a couple of times a month, but it’s always at night / early morning when he feels like it and I’m very conscious not to be heard.

Does anyone else have this issue? I feel like a freak because none of my female friends are the slightest bit interested, and all moan about their DHs and I seem to have the opposite ‘problem.’ 🤔

We never have a empty house so always have to be mindful . Would take full advantage if had an afternoon free 😂

Has your libido increased recently compared to your husband's?

I’ve never in my life felt the need to have a shower after sex.

I really don’t understand the “Ooh I’d rather have a cup of tea haha” and “no thanks, too much faff” and “ew I don’t want my DH touching me unless he’s been scrubbed in Dettol first” or “I can’t focus on sex with him if he’s left a dirty teaspoon on the draining board” attitude to sex that seems to be prevalent on Mumsnet. It’s so, so alien to me that people feel that way about sex. Bleak as hell.

We definitely make the most of it if all the teens / young adults are out.

We do the quiet mornings / evenings too but I definitely prefer it when no one is home and I can totally relax.

Oh and maybe I’m doing it wrong / I’m minging but I don’t always need to go in the shower especially after a quickie on the sofa.

If anything it feels like he just doesn’t want to because I’ve suggested it. It has to be his idea.

This feels a bit concerning. Do you ever have sex that you've initiated? If he's aware that you can't properly relax when there are other people in the house (which is a normal feeling to have) but refuses to have sex on any of the frequent occasions they're out I think that's really weird behaviour from him. Why doesn't he want to have sex with a relaxed person, why only with a slightly uncomfortable one? Do you ever turn him down when he initiates sex? Do you worry that if you told him you'd much prefer to have sex when you're properly alone it'd never happen?

I thought you were going to say mid 60s at least the way you were talking. I'm sure there are masses of women still enjoying sex at your age. I'm 56 and I still am very much.

I think your DH needs a bit more lead in his pencil though assuming he's the same age as you as twice a month isn't very satisfying!!

If I suggested this to my DH, he'd be marching me to bed 🤣
Unfortunately for us, we have 2 that aren't old enough for jobs.... Yet!

I would have felt exactly like that when I was younger, but I’m 45 now and all the HRT in the world hasn’t made any difference to my sudden polar opposite view now. It’s very odd because if you’ve not experienced your libido suddenly switching off you won’t understand it but having been on both sides of it all - and having had a lot of sex (and not showering afterwards!) when I was younger- it’s really normal for a lot of people to just go completely off it or only want it under certain circumstances. It doesn’t make people wrong for feeling that way, either way. We’re all different.

'Day time sex'?
It's known as Bargain Hunt in our house!

No, it’s probably decreasing but not in line with his decreasing

I’m the same, I’d have a shower in the morning afterwards or if I’m leaving the house, but otherwise it waits till my usual daily morning shower.

No, we’re taking every quiet hour we can get. I cannot wait till they move out!!! But if your dh doesnt feel that way when the house is empty I’m not sure what you can do!

I would prefer it too, but it never happens. We worked at home together for a couple of years and I would have liked to take advantage of the kids being at school and having a quickie at lunch, but it never happened even though he knew damn well I really wanted to.

I'd be whacking on Freda and Barry until he got the message. Life is short

I don’t turn him down because I never know when the next opportunity will arise - no pun intended! 😂Imagine if that time had been the last for weeks / months or the last full stop.

Barry White?? Freda who?? 😂

Nearly spat my tea out 😂

Exactly what do you do? Invest in Tracey’s dog???

That day comes around too quickly. Secondary school goes by in the blink of an eye unlike primary which feels forever.

My friends are all older 50-66 and none of them are interested.

Each to his/her own I suppose but be rest assured there's nothing wrong with you for wanting sex.

This sounds miserable. I’m older than you, and DP 70. I suppose we average every four days but it’s morning noon or night whenever takes our fancy even after all these years. Nothing nicer than an afternoon nap/cuddle/maybe more together.

I really would just bring up how it makes you feel and discuss if he really wouldn’t want it (which is obviously fine) or if he just doesn’t think but isn’t anti the idea.

Thanks everyone for your input and kind comments. I couldn’t discuss this with any of my female circle because they just laugh and say they’d love it if their partner wasn’t interested. But for me it’s important and I feel rejected and ridiculous.

I also think WTF are we going to do when everyone’s left home? I won’t even have the promise of more afternoon fun to look forward to as it doesn’t happen now.

You have a great sex life "a couple of times a month" 👀

Yeah there is a lot going on here. How does he react if you sit down for a genuine discussion about your needs and his needs/your desires and his desires.

Relationships are compromise and putting the other person first sometimes but it has to come from both sides.

We have sex whenever, not on a schedule, the beauty is its different at different points of the day. Morning sex is great because we have to be quiet and quick but were already all entangled and sleepy.....night time sex is all abour romannce and closeness and talking ....daytime sex is the experimental/noisy one 🤭

2 young children here for reference