DP and I have been in a relationship for nearly 4 years. We don't live in one house, but spend 4 nights a week together, sometimes more. I have two teenage DC who adore him and he's brilliant with them. He has 3 adult DC — two live away and I have no relationship with them (their choice), one lives with him and we get on very well; she'll likely move out in a year or so.
DP has said he assumes we'll live together at some point. But he's also made clear that, after a marriage where he was cheated on and lost half of everything in the divorce, he's not looking to marry again.
He contributes to my household financially via a monthly standing order, cooks and buys food when he's here, and is generally very generous — he pays for everything when it's just him and me (holidays, meals out, weekends away), and we tend to split in half when my DC are with us, though he'll often still pick up the bill. He's generous with my friends, has paid for various things for my kids, and is always mega thoughtful for birthdays/Christmas. I mention the money side purely to show he's not tight (because I know that £££ will be seen as the main cause here, most likely) — quite the opposite. He's not rich, but he's risen further in his career so has more income and assets than me. He's 10 years older.
He's a high-quality partner in more ways than I can explain - romantic, loving, supportive, pleasant temperament (in a world full of angry men!). Just a gorgeous character all round. I'm madly in love with him, in a way you'd absolutely never expect at my age (51). I struggle to imagine being without him and day to day, I know I can count on him, whether it's remembering something small I mentioned once, or collecting my daughter from a school trip at midnight.
And yet. The fact he won't marry me is never far from my mind. It's not that I necessarily want a married life, as having some space is actually quite nice — but I struggle with him not wanting me for a wife, and I think it would be a dealbreaker for him if I pushed. I've said I'd sign a prenup because I'm not after his assets whatsoever (and I'd love him the same even if he didn't have a penny), but he insists it isn't about money (he's not planning to leave his kids anything, he expects to spend it in retirement). He just doesn't believe in marriage anymore, thinks it's outdated for people our age, and swears he's fully committed to my kids and me long-term.
How important is marriage, really, at this stage of life? Why does the principle bother me so much (ok you can't answer that, but I'd like your thoughts)? Sometimes I feel like I just don't want to be in a relationship with a man who won't marry me, even knowing I will probably not find this kind of love again. Am I totally insane, and if so, how do I talk myself out to leaving/losing such a good thing that means the world to me?