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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fiance saying other women approach him

86 replies

Tinkerbell270 · 13/07/2026 10:02

Hi I was looking for some advice please. I’m engaged and my fiance has told me that he is in debt and he needs to pay it off asap. He asked me to help him and strangely said that if I can’t help there are other women he could ask. He said he has been approached by a wealthy woman in a coffee shop and also another at a swimming pool. He basically means he would go out with them and eventually ask them for a loan. I’m so shocked by what he said suddenly last night than I can’t believe who I got engaged to. He said the woman in a coffee shop asked a waiter to get his number and the woman at the pool came up to him and said she liked his shoes and perfume. He then started talking to the woman at the pool as she was a lawyer and he wanted legal advice. She then asked if she could give him a lift home! I was really upset he would talk to a random stranger who’s obviously trying to chat him up but he doesn’t see an issue. Is that normal? Am I over reacting?

He then changed his words and said of course I’d never do that I’m not like that but there are options to do that. I said why the hell would you mention such a thing and basically you’re saying either I give you money or you’ll go date other women for money! I told him it’s over and I didn’t answer his call today. I really don’t know what to make of this or if it was a joke but I’ve lost all trust in him. Any opinions are welcome thanks

OP posts:
60degreecycle · 13/07/2026 10:04

I told him it’s over

Excellent. Stick with this and you'll be fine.

midJulytarget · 13/07/2026 10:13

You did the right thing.

If you wonder whether you overreacted, try thinking what you'd say to someone else in your position, a friend, sister, a mumsnetter :) etc. Then it becomes very clear.

I'm sorry he turned out to be like this. Onwards and upwards!

InQuiresandplaceswheretheysing · 13/07/2026 10:15

You’ve dodged a massive bullet. DO NOT marry him.

SuddenLightbulb · 13/07/2026 10:16

Well, you did the obviously correct thing. No one wants to be engaged to a man in debt who apparently conceives of himself as some kind of gigolo who can exploit women financially.

OldrNWisr · 13/07/2026 10:17

Don’t go back. What a twat.

SendTheNextOneIn · 13/07/2026 10:20

He said he has been approached by a wealthy woman in a coffee shop and also another at a swimming pool

I’ll bet my last rolo that neither of these women exist. What a knobhead to think he can manipulate you into giving lending him money by pretending he’s being chatted up at every opportunity by fantastically rich women who can’t wait to throw money at him and save his little socks.

FoulWrinkledWitch · 13/07/2026 10:23

Run for the hills OP. Asking you for money to pay off his debts should be enough for you to finish with him, but telling you about the other women is him piling on the red flags. Thank goodness you’re not married to him. Do not lend him any money.

EmeraldDreams73 · 13/07/2026 10:24

Ugh he's a complete twat. Well done for ditching him. My exh used to constantly tell me how many women came on to him/we're flirting with him. He was horrible to me so I didn't give a shit but it was one of many red flags.

With a view of himself and the world like that, imagine being married and having kids with him? Sod that.

MistakenFlutterby · 13/07/2026 10:26

Definitely not someone to marry.

CockSpadget · 13/07/2026 10:29

So he basically tried to blackmail you. That is abhorrent and shows he’s got a very nasty side to him.
Absolutely do not marry him.

MoritzTropez · 13/07/2026 10:29

What have I just read?!
Delete his number and block him for good.

FlatCatYellowMat · 13/07/2026 10:30

you did the right thing - he was testing you - if you'd laughed and brushed it off, then he absolutely would have lined up an affair for himself.

PrettyLittleRose · 13/07/2026 10:31

He's lying. Women are not going up to him and offering him money. Women are not approaching him, and showing an interest at all. He's a fantasist. Throw this one back into the sea. You do NOT want to spend your life with someone like this. Your life will be miserable.

Blueradiators · 13/07/2026 10:31

My opinion is that I'm very proud of you for calling it off and ignoring him! Don't give him an opportunity to worm into your head.

At "best" he's so magnetic that women who don't know him from Adam want to give him their hard earned cash (😂) and at worst, he's trying to rob and manipulate you. What an awful awful man.

I hope you have some real life support and people to talk with who know and love you x

Itshotinherebutainttakingoffmyclothes · 13/07/2026 10:32

The positive here is he telling you who he is, you recognise it and have ended it before you’re financially tied to him.

MoritzTropez · 13/07/2026 10:33

60degreecycle · 13/07/2026 10:04

I told him it’s over

Excellent. Stick with this and you'll be fine.

This!
He’s got wealthy women forming an orderly queue, some are trying to jump the queue using waiters as intermediaries … but that’s normal for such a prince amongst men.

hididdlyho · 13/07/2026 10:35

He sounds like a fantasist, I'm not sure a woman would offer to give a random man a lift home, sounds like bs to me. You've done the right thing throwing this one back.

chirrupybird · 13/07/2026 10:37

They approach him because he looks and behaves as though he is single, and if he's willing to use women to get money then he is also despicable. Throw this one back you really don't want someone who lives beyond their means and preys on women. He won't be faithful either quite obviously.

Francestein · 13/07/2026 10:37

Obviously he thinks you’re stupid. Glad he showed his hand now and you got away from this chancer.

user293948849167 · 13/07/2026 10:39

Huge red flag
Don’t marry him

ofcolitas · 13/07/2026 10:41

Regardless of his stupid lies and made up stories it's never a good idea to marry a broke person anyway.

Get back out there on the dating scene and find someone solvent.

CaffeinatedSeagull · 13/07/2026 10:42

You did the right thing.

The ‘I could get another girlfriend’ bit was just his way of trying to pressurise you into giving him the ‘loan’.

Chances are if you did, you’ll never see the money again.

Bonkers1966 · 13/07/2026 10:45

You did the right thing. At least you discovered his nature before marriage. He sounds very young.

Cheese55 · 13/07/2026 11:00

Do you not live with him? How does get pay his way?

Rondayvu · 13/07/2026 11:07

Manipulative prick. How long are you together?