Fiance saying other women approach him

[Tinkerbell270]

Hi I was looking for some advice please. I’m engaged and my fiance has told me that he is in debt and he needs to pay it off asap. He asked me to help him and strangely said that if I can’t help there are other women he could ask. He said he has been approached by a wealthy woman in a coffee shop and also another at a swimming pool. He basically means he would go out with them and eventually ask them for a loan. I’m so shocked by what he said suddenly last night than I can’t believe who I got engaged to. He said the woman in a coffee shop asked a waiter to get his number and the woman at the pool came up to him and said she liked his shoes and perfume. He then started talking to the woman at the pool as she was a lawyer and he wanted legal advice. She then asked if she could give him a lift home! I was really upset he would talk to a random stranger who’s obviously trying to chat him up but he doesn’t see an issue. Is that normal? Am I over reacting?

He then changed his words and said of course I’d never do that I’m not like that but there are options to do that. I said why the hell would you mention such a thing and basically you’re saying either I give you money or you’ll go date other women for money! I told him it’s over and I didn’t answer his call today. I really don’t know what to make of this or if it was a joke but I’ve lost all trust in him. Any opinions are welcome thanks

You did the right thing, now this sad loser will realise he’s lost you and the other women are all made up BS anyway, his intelligence is very low to think you might be blackmailed into handing over money before all these rich women snap him up, as if!!

Thanks for all the replies. Since I’ve ignored his calls he’s now left me abusive voice notes calling me a bitch saying he never trusted me & he doesn’t care if I leave as all he cares about now is getting money not love. He said love won’t feed him whatever that means. It seems he’s going to try & blackmail me. We’ve been together 2 years he never showed this side until now though & the debt is recent. We met whilst I was working abroad, I moved back to London for my job last month & he was due to move here once we get married which obviously won’t be happening now

Jesus I'm so sorry OP but what a lucky escape you've had.

Obvs stick to your guns and I hope you're doing ok. Hell of a shock to find out who he is but so much better now than years down the line. 💐

Well done. Stay strong.

What an absolute arsehole

ETA block him on everything , change your number if you need to.

Thank goodness you found out before the wedding!

Continue to ignore him and block if necessary.

Hope you have some support IRL too 💐

This is giving me chills, nothing normal about any of that. I agree with others saying he’s a fantasist.

Do you think he could be having some kind of psychotic break? Are you safe op? Does he have a key to your home, access to security codes?

He was trying to emotionally manipulate/ coerce you into giving him money?

Please, please don’t answer any of his calls or text. This man is bad news and will only give you heartache

Apart from the women thing he’s suddenly in debt and is bullying you into giving him money. Do not marry this man. Do you think he’s going to get better once youre married

You have dodged a bullet. Sounds like a scammer playing the long game. No way are women interested in him, he said that because he thought you would cave and give him money.

Block him, do not waver.

Leave him. If he can speak to you like that now he will be a horrible husband.

I’m engaged and my fiance has told me that he is in debt and he needs to pay it off asap. He asked me to help him and strangely said that if I can’t help there are other women he could ask.

Fuck him off, save your money and get out of this toxic situation.
You deserve so much better.

I’m so sorry OP, what a horrible shock after two years. But thank goodness you found out and didn’t marry him. Then he would have had greater claim to half of your assets in the event of a divorce. I wouldn’t be too sure the debt is recent. They’re very good at keeping it hidden, believe me, until it all starts to unravel.

You cant see him for red flags
Don't take this loser back. Give him no heads pace whatsoever.
You deserve so much better than this excuse of a man.

Given you met him while you were working abroad, is he a foreign national? So after residency as well as your money? It sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet OP.

Yes thanks I’m safe as I’m in London now & he lives in a different country. We met whilst I was working abroad and he has no access to my house here.

Yes although he didn’t want to move to London but I insisted on moving back as I prefer being home & my job transferred back here

I was about to block him but he sent me another voice note saying if I do he will show me hell. Although he lives abroad he has become very scary. I called his sister but she didn’t answer & messaged saying she’s on holiday & will talk to him once she’s back. I’m starting to worry he has something to blackmail me with such as he secretly filmed me in the shower or something else. I have no proof of that but he is acting insane so anything is possible

If he had video of you in the shower and did anything with it it would be traceable back to him. Anyone you know who saw it would understand it was someone committing a crime against you. Having a shower isn't shameful. It would only reflect badly on him

Im sorry this has escalated OP. Dont let him intimidate you. Men like this are bullies.

Does he know where you live? Your actual address? Do you have a ring camera?

How far away is he and how easy is it for him to travel to London?

No matter what sob story he gives you , (cause he will flip the channel again at some point,), do not meet up with him under any circumstances.

Absolutely don’t get financially linked to him

i would report the threats to the police as even if they can’t arrest him, they can as soon as he lands here and might be able to do something eg alert you if he does land here. They might also pass the info onto. Police in his country.

Exactly, it’s no shame on you if he does, and also we all know that anyone can make deep fake videos these days.

Ignore… if he keeps on about it you can send all threatening messages to the police.

Really stupidly I called him last night as I thought maybe I could reason with him to end things peacefully and get some closure or an explanation. He kept hanging up & making me call back. All he could say is he can’t talk about us & all he needs is money as he owes people money & he urgently has to pay them. I just wanted to know if he ever loved me or it was all a game to use me. The strange part is I actually miss him & I can’t believe he hasn’t called me today or apologised. I won’t take him back or respond anymore but I was hoping for an apology at least.

Respectfully, OP, and I know it’s hard, but you need to disengage. He couldn’t ‘make’ you keep phoning him, just as he can’t ’show you hell’. You’re making excuses for the fact that you (understandably) are still reeling with shock and hoping he’s going to soften/apologise/beg you to take him back. Stop contacting him. Stop contacting his family. Block him. Focus on rebuilding your own life and being grateful you didn’t actually marry this tosspot. His debts are his problem.