Would this be too weird?

[LittleWaterRabbit]

If your ex for whatever reason was unable to have the kids at their house, so visited at yours. Would it be weird to leave them there so you could go on dates? I’d really like to start dating again but is this just too weird or am I overthinking things?! (Split up years ago)

Sounds weird to me. Depends on kids ages I guess

Can I ask in what way it would make a difference?

just think having a babysitter may be less weird

It depends on the reasons they're visiting your house, and whether you trust them enough to leave them alone with the children for any reason and leave the house.

If so, then it doesn't matter if you're going to get your hair done, or go out for dinner with someone. Where you're going isn't the point, it's not information you need to share, you just need to tell them when you'll be back?

Yeah that’s weird, I think though if he is over and you need to take yourself out for the evening it’s fine, it’s how it’s positioned, as in they baby sit so you can date, weird, or it’s their time with the kids and you have to make yourself scarce and spend it on a date, fine.

the first is using them as babysitters so you can date, the second is simply you happen to be on a date when it’s their time.

It wouldn’t be arranged so I could date, I’d arrange dates around the contact already happening

I think its a cop out. So the man's burden of responsibility for his kids is partially shifted onto you as they are all hanging out ij your house.
Tell your ex to sort himself out and have his kids over at his house in his time.

He cannot do that and thats fine thats not the issue

What is “weird” is having an ex who has no where to have his children

Having an ex with no suitable living arrangement to have his children IS the issue

Why?

He lives in a HMO I don’t want my kids going there anyway. So not the issue I’m focusing on, of course in an ideal world he would have his own place but he doesn’t.

So this has been going on for YEARS?

your ex coming to you’re to see his children? How often??

Yes and we are happy with the set up.

Well you're being taken for a mug

You're going to start dating a guy and never bring him back for dinner at your place?

I imagine child maintenance must be pittance

I wouldn’t anyway as my kids would be here. I want to keep my dating life away from my kids.

Looking back at my childhood, this didn’t happen as far as I know, but it could have done and it would have been fine. My parents always got on fine, they’re not besties or anything, but they chat and are kind/respectful. If my mum had come to my dads (as she often did as well as taking us out) it would have been fine for my dad to go out for tea with someone else (date/friend etc) fast forward 30 years and they are still kind/respectful/civil. They share thing such as my children’s car seats, my mum will take him snacks if dads in hospital etc. no reason my mum wouldn’t have been trusted in my dads house.

Yeah thats exactly the point. If you have joint custody, normally when its the dads turn the kids are with their dad at their dads. So you would be able to keep your dating life separate from your kids.

So your dating life would be restricted to a few hours once a week and would NEVER be at your home and you can NEVER stay overnight.

ok

and that’s not possible but thanks anyway

Who says I couldn’t do that? Who said it would be a few hours?

So your ex would also stay the night at your house whilst you stayed the night at boyfriend’s house?

why doesn’t your ex just adult up and get a place where he can have his children.

Also to add to this wouldnt that be the same if you hired a sitter? Just few hours here and there since sitters dont generally stay overnight..