Would this be too weird?

[LittleWaterRabbit]

If your ex for whatever reason was unable to have the kids at their house, so visited at yours. Would it be weird to leave them there so you could go on dates? I’d really like to start dating again but is this just too weird or am I overthinking things?! (Split up years ago)

He wouldn’t make a mess he's probably more tidy than me! My room has a lock and I don’t mind if he has something to eat.

@LittleWaterRabbit you are doing the best for your children. It’s fine for you to date, go for it and have fun!

If you are amicable with your ex, and the arrangement is that he is at yours, I don’t see what the problem is. Especially if, at the beginning, you are having coffee or long walk dates.
Would it be awkward if you have a dreamy date and come home, all floaty and have to see your ex? Is he the type to start turning on you ?

Does he cook for the children whilst at yours? If so, brings food for them?

does he stay overnight?

Another here who thinks this is absolutely fine. It’s your free time. You can use it as you wish. Your ex doesn’t need to know the details of what you’re doing in that time.

I do this! ExH can't easily have the DC at his during the week, so sometimes he comes to my house mid-week, so I can go out with a girlfriend, or pop over to see my FWB for a couple of hours 😉

I don't know what he thinks I get up to but frankly it's none of his beeswax!

Oh no he wouldn’t be upset. Thanks all, glad to see it’s not just me in this situation and needs must!

That sounds great and as you said not really any of his business anyway!

I don't thing it's weird at all. Ive been dating someone who's in this exact situation for the last 4 months.
The country I live in, is experiencing a housing crisis. His kids live with his ex in their family home. She leaves 1 night a week (at least) and every other weekend and he moves in and stays with his kids. He's a very involved parent but his studio flat isn't suitably large to have his kids stay over. Its not ideal but they've made it work.
When we overnight, we stay at mine most of the time, (which I prefer for sevetal reasons) while my kids are with their dad in his place. Personally I'd struggle with sharing a place with my ex. If you think about it, the fact you can co parent amicably is a real positive.
Go out on dates. Don't let your circumstances curtail that.
Life goes by very quickly. Don't wait if that's what you want to do.

If it works for you and you're comfortable with your ex staying in your home, I think it's fine. Do what feels right for you.

In answer to your actual question, rather than the ones some PPs seem to be answering, no I don't think this is weird, if you have that type of relationship then why not?

If it is then I must be weird because I don't see any problem with this.

He's with this kids, you're both clearly relaxed about him being in your house and you have some time to yourself - use it anyway you like, same as you would if the kids were in his house.

Good luck with the dating, is there someone in particular you're interested in or are you thinking about going online?

It would be online

Does your ex at least bring food for his children to cook at yours?!

Either way - you don’t think it’s weird. Your ex doesn’t think it’s weird. So why open it up to mumsnet?

if the consensus had been… yes it’s weird!! Would that have changed your mind?

Love the idea that 'just adulting up' gets you a house of your own. It's not thousands of pounds you need, you just need a grown-up mindset!

Actually yeah probably, but it’s nice to know it’s not just me who would do this. Hearing others are doing it makes me feel better. He usually orders them food when he comes rather than cooking.

Only every other weekend.

So what? Plenty of mums only get every other weekend free, in fact that’s the most common child contact arrangement. I didn’t say I was looking for my husband, just something casual.

I will date properly when they are older, right now i dont really have the time to have a proper relationship. Some mums will use that as an excuse to introduce men to their kids early on but I’d rather keep my love life separate!

OP, I think it's fine. Some people have a set up where there is always a parent in the main home so the Dc have a permanent place, and the parents share use of a small flat or bedsit when it is not their time with DC.

This isn't that different. As long as you trust your ex to take good care of them, and know he has no jealousy problems over you going on a date, then why not? If you have doubts about these, then no.

You have a great child centred plan. I don’t know why you are getting so much negativity tbh.