Would this be too weird?

[LittleWaterRabbit]

If your ex for whatever reason was unable to have the kids at their house, so visited at yours. Would it be weird to leave them there so you could go on dates? I’d really like to start dating again but is this just too weird or am I overthinking things?! (Split up years ago)

Yeah that’s true, it’s nesting isnt it? I guess those parents still date if they want to. He wouldn’t be jealous, I wouldn’t discuss it with him anyway.

Thank you, seems you cant win sometimes!

@LittleWaterRabbit

its fine. Obviously it would be easier for you if he had a lovely home the kids went to happily EOW etc, but in life we have to work with the reality we actually have.

if you & your Ex Can deal with the current set up so amicably, then good on you. Xx

No you really can’t! It’s great they have a stable home with you and get to spend time with their dad and you accommodate that. I am sure it will work out ok.
I was going to ask, does he ever take them out on a day trip ect that way you might have a longer child free time when you find someone suitable. Good luck and just don’t catch feelings!

I don't see any problem with it at all. I wouldn't tell him where I was going because it would be none of his business. But if he has nowhere to take the children, then what other choice do you have?

My only concern would be if you met someone and it turned into something serious. You would never be able to move in together because you'd still have the problem of your ex-husband needing to use your house whenever he wanted to see the children.

I would never live with a man ever again. So that’s ok 😅

I think it’s fine OP as long as HE doesn’t feel weird about it. You can always ask him and see what he thinks?

Oh OP, I’m married and wish I didn’t have to live with a man 😂

The replies on this thread are utterly bizarre. Newsflash not everyone is earning six figures. Some people rent a room in a HMO. I don’t know why it’s so unbelievable

100%

So many responses seem to deliberately miss the point of the OP's post.

This isn't about a feckless ex, guys.

I'm curious what people think OP can do about her ex's housing situation - force him to earn enough to get his own home? Cancel his tenancy and frogmarch him to the estate agent?

If your ex having his time with the kids at your house has already been the existing arrangement and everyone is fine with it...then no, it is not weird to go on dates while your ex is at your house with the kids. Whatever you're doing on your time out isn't relevant to the existing arrangements with the kids.

I get the feeling they just want me to not let him see the kids at all! Im grateful he isn’t trying to have them as his house as it’s not appropriate and if I did they’d be slating me for that too. I don’t want my kids in a house with unknown men. I was most confused by the post suggesting he was an asylum seeker 🤦‍♀️

I won’t be mentioning me dating to him as I think that could make it cross over into weird territory.

It would be “weird” for some
It would not be “weird” for others
You clearly fall in to the latter group

Just be upfront re how limited your availability is from the outset to manage expectations

He doesn’t sleepover does he?! Now that would be a little weird…. And not all that pleasant for you!!

It's not weird. You can do what you wish with this free time as long as you don't bring it back to the house. That would cross a boundary.

No that’s the whole point of him watching them otherwise why would I if I was just going to bring them here anyway?

Well that would be another thread entirely 🤢

So in other words why would I leave him with them if I planned to bring men here anyway which I don’t.

Have you signed up yet? Get yourself off mumsnet and sort your profile to set yourself up!

This thread is weird. You’ll be fine OP, go out and have a good time.

My friends ex has the kids at her house because he lives in a flat share
but they do get on very well and he will stay over if she wants to go on holiday or a night away

and the reason he’s in a flat share aged 35 is because he’s chose to not take his equity out of the house till kids are adults to enable his ex to still live there with the kids rather than sell it to release his share

Ah thats great and nice to know it can work for the ones who doubted

Go have some fun! Life is too short! You are not doing anything reckless but you deserve some time for yourself!