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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pinkpoet support thread (TW for SA)

860 replies

PinkPoetAgain1 · 08/06/2026 12:05

Just starting a new thread for those who are following/supporting

I’m all over the place mentally at the moment as I said in my last thread but I’m still listening xx

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 25/07/2026 22:18

I feel dear @ThisIsPinkPoet that the cycle is relentless and it leaves you in confusion, fear and exhaustion. I have been on all your threads apart from the first one. You’ve made great strides and he can see this. This is why he’s ramping it up. And I really do fear soon you will be a shell of yourself. I don’t think it will take long either.

Please :

  1. be honest in therapy sessions so you get the best help
  2. consider what I and others are saying about how dangerous your situation is
  3. really think if you can see yourself doing this in 1 year, 5 years , rest of your life

To the others on this post, please leave this as a safe place for Poet. I’ve been frustrated in the past but my emotions are really secondary here. Let’s all listen and try and help x

OtterlyAstounding · 26/07/2026 01:25

Unless you can be brutally honest with your therapist, Poet, then going to therapy may do more harm than good, as she affirms your 'head in the sand' framing of it being a difficult relationship with a demanding husband, instead of what it is – an abusive relationship where your husband has most recently told you he wants to rape you, and then has followed through on that statement. Where you are having to fight and struggle for every scrap of bodily autonomy, and avoid getting raped.

Why do you think he mentioned rape to you, Poet? As I see it, that was him both taking the opportunity to sadistically put fear into you, but more importantly, it was him escalating, and testing what you'll accept.

This is the way I see his thought process working, based off what you've said of him, Poet:
"She's been difficult lately. Crying, refusing me, seeing a therapist, getting ideas put in her head. She's bucking the status quo, and I have to bring her back into line before it gets out of hand.
I'm pissed off and frustrated, so I'll tell her I'll rape her if I don't sleep down here – I can pass it off as a 'well, that's what you call it – either way, I'm doing what you want, aren't I?' if she challenges me...but her reaction will show me how to handle her.
If she just takes it, then I'll know that she's aware that's how things work under the surface in our relationship – I get what I want when I want it – and I'll go ahead and actually do it at my friends', to really drive it home.
If she takes that too, and doesn't leave me, then I'll know that while she might fuss and complain sometimes, and say no to me more than she used to, requiring a little extra handling and a little more anger to put her on edge and keep her in line, but at the end of the day I can still rape her pretty much whenever I want, and she'll just take it."

This is going to be the sort of thing he's thinking, Poet. This man is not your husband, he's your ENEMY. He's not someone you can do couple's counselling with, because he doesn't see you as an equal partner in the relationship whose opinions, needs, and wants he respects, he sees you as his property who he should be able to do what he likes with. He's not your partner, he's a constant threat.

You say at times he makes you feel like a queen, or calls you the light of his life, but again I have to draw the comparison – you're not an equal human being in his eyes, you're in the role of a prized pet. He might want to fuss over you, or pamper you, but at the end of the day, when he calls you to heel, he doesn't care what you want, he expects you to obey or he'll punish you. When he gets frustrated, he takes his anger out on you. As with a narcissist, the only value you have to him is in the fact that he sees you as belonging to him. You cannot fix this dynamic, only leave, or endlessly try to survive it – and eventually, you'll run out of energy.

OtterlyAstounding · 26/07/2026 05:46

Just to add, I don’t blame you for staying – I understand how impossible it feels to extricate yourself, given that you’ve spent your entire adult life with him as part of it. You don’t know how to be an adult without him – he’s such an embedded part of the identity you’ve built up.

But regardless of anything else, one of the most important things you can do is continue to work on how you think about this, and how you frame things.
In your own head, and to your therapist, don’t make excuses for him, don’t justify things, don’t soften things, or sweep them under the rug. Don’t judge him positively by being marginally ‘better’ than he was – the yardstick he’s held up against should be what a decent man, who respects his partner’s bodily autonomy and her as a person, would or wouldn’t do.

No matter how much ‘better’ he’s behaving, he’s still acting in ways that are totally unacceptable and abusive. You're saying, for instance, ‘he’s being more respectful’ when it should be framed as, ‘even now, after so much discussion and distress, and so many promises that he'll be different, he still resents and hates when I try to force him to treat me with basic respect’.

Also, make sure not to be vague with dates and lengths of time. Don’t say to yourself or your therapist ‘he hasn’t been as bad lately’, make it clear that it’s only been 13 days (or however long) since the last time he raped you, or only been two days since he coerced you into sex in the morning by making you feel you ‘should’ or he’d punish you through his bad moods/forcing you.

You’ll never make progress towards eventually, one day, getting out of this situation, if you can’t see it clearly for what it is, and call it that.

ThisIsPinkPoetAgain · 26/07/2026 10:44

I am being honest with her and I did tell her about the threat and then what happened after. She said it was awful. She’s said before there is abuse and that it will be hard to heal from the trauma , a lot of similar things to what you guys have said. However , she also knows I’m not in the headspace to leave and I guess she’s trying a different tact to support me? And see if there is any way he can be supported to change his behaviour ? That’s the impression I got when she suggested therapy
I will see her again this week coming . Going weekly still and she is so easy to talk to

ThisIsPinkPoetAgain · 26/07/2026 10:53

I Just feel I’ve got to the stage now where I don’t really care about myself or how I feel , my self esteem must be so low. But what makes me cry is when he is so impatient and angry at family life. And then the next second he’s the most doting dad. It’s hard to know which is worse , taking the wonderful dad away or putting up with the raging one

and it’s not raging like putting holes in walls so it never sounds bad if I say it outloud, it’s like a quiet sort of fuming . Like he likes the house neat and tidy but he doesn’t insist I do it like some men would but he will just stomp round cleaning up just in an angry way and won’t do anything else until it’s clean. Insists on hoovering around them even though it makes the little ones cry. Im not lazy and I keep on top of things but my attitude is more if there are crumbs on the floor so be it, id rather hoover when they’re all at childcare tomorrow or something

sorry for the word vomit I don’t know if any of that makes sense

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/07/2026 10:54

' And see if there is any way he can be supported to change his behaviour ? '

He will never change his behaviour, he doesn't need to.

He has chosen to rape you for years, prob on far far more occasions than you know / have told us/your therapist.

Last time, just two weeks ago, he informed you in advance.

As for ' supporting him ' you do and did,

you initiated sex several times one week to save him from raping you / sexually abusing you whilst you are asleep.
He doesn't actually like it when you initiate sex.

It made no difference, he still went ahead and raped you - whilst staying at a friend's house.
Just like he did at your parent's home.

Nowhere is safe from him.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/07/2026 10:56

' Insists on hoovering around them even though it makes the little ones cry.'

does that not say it all really

it makes the little ones cry.

WonderingAndOverthinking · 26/07/2026 11:00

ThisIsPinkPoetAgain · 25/07/2026 14:06

She does use the word abuse to describe parts of our relationship but I have been explaining how he’s been much better at sticking to boundaries lately and I still freeze up during sex and find it traumatic

that’s when she suggested therapy so I could communicate how I feel honestly with a neutral 3rd party mediating

he doesn’t want to though . He says he has no interest in ‘me and the therapist ganging up on him’

He doesn’t want to do anything to change his behaviour. He has literally told you this. Why are you not listening?

anotheruser345 · 26/07/2026 11:02

ThisIsPinkPoetAgain · 26/07/2026 10:44

I am being honest with her and I did tell her about the threat and then what happened after. She said it was awful. She’s said before there is abuse and that it will be hard to heal from the trauma , a lot of similar things to what you guys have said. However , she also knows I’m not in the headspace to leave and I guess she’s trying a different tact to support me? And see if there is any way he can be supported to change his behaviour ? That’s the impression I got when she suggested therapy
I will see her again this week coming . Going weekly still and she is so easy to talk to

If you were genuinely honest with her and she suggested joint therapy after that then quite honestly she needs reporting as thats beyond shocking and completely not acceptable at all.

PetulaGordeno · 26/07/2026 11:05

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/07/2026 10:56

' Insists on hoovering around them even though it makes the little ones cry.'

does that not say it all really

it makes the little ones cry.

Hoovering does not make little ones cry, most of the time.
It is clearly the atmosphere and how it’s done which is making then cry. They sense his anger, they feel they get in his way.
At the moment they are little ones but at some point they are going to get older and more of the jigsaw will fall into place.
They will go into other homes where there friends are not scared.
They are already watching their own mother waste away. Over time it can either make a child angry and rebel against dad, but there can also be anger at mum for not putting a stop to it.
When OP was away at her mum’s and she came home because the kids were asking after their dad, that’s the stage where she needs back-up. She needs support.
I have read it on several threads recently - not ones around this level abuse - with mums trying to explain to little ones that daddy lives somewhere else right now, and it is tough. But in the long run it is better that these children are not living with their father in the house. From other threads I understand mum’s anxiety when the DC have to go and stay with dad.
It is such a dilemma, isn’t it? I feel for OP.

missspent · 26/07/2026 11:13

My partner is in his 40s and still triggered by hoovering as it was done with such anger, bitterness and atmosphere when he was a child. I know you say they aren’t affected but they are absorbing this on their tiny bodies already. It is not normal to cry when someone hoovers, it is how it is being done that is causing this

FMc208 · 26/07/2026 11:23

I Just feel I’ve got to the stage now where I don’t really care about myself or how I feel

Ok. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?!

You’ve literally said there that he makes his little kids cry. What is it going to take for you to protect them from this? The way I see it, you’ve willingly walked them back into an abusive household with a rapist monster. There comes a point where surely you must put their own safety (emotional and physical) over your own wants? He is not going to change. He’s told you that. He’s shown you that. Stop subjecting innocent children to this life.

FMc208 · 26/07/2026 11:25

I’m sorry I know I’m going to get piled on for that. And yes I also know I can step away from the thread too. But it just does not sit right with me that this has become an emotional outlet that is bordering on enabling the abuse of children.

I am aware how many attempts it takes to leave blah blah blah. But surely this has gone too far now. These children did not ask to be subjected to this kind of life.

BigAnne · 26/07/2026 11:36

FMc208 · 26/07/2026 11:25

I’m sorry I know I’m going to get piled on for that. And yes I also know I can step away from the thread too. But it just does not sit right with me that this has become an emotional outlet that is bordering on enabling the abuse of children.

I am aware how many attempts it takes to leave blah blah blah. But surely this has gone too far now. These children did not ask to be subjected to this kind of life.

I'd go as far to say it's criminal. I was subjected to emotional abuse as a child. Nothing remotely close to what Poets kids are suffering and I'm still suffering 50 years later.

ThisIsPinkPoetAgain · 26/07/2026 11:36

FMc208 · 26/07/2026 11:25

I’m sorry I know I’m going to get piled on for that. And yes I also know I can step away from the thread too. But it just does not sit right with me that this has become an emotional outlet that is bordering on enabling the abuse of children.

I am aware how many attempts it takes to leave blah blah blah. But surely this has gone too far now. These children did not ask to be subjected to this kind of life.

That’s ok. You’re entitled to say how you feel

but please understand I only really come on here to seek support and so I only talk about the ‘worst bits’ and majority of the time they feel a lot of love and happiness from him

a lot of kids have dads who get angry and I don’t believe it automatically means he is dangerous to them

separately to what is happening between me and him of course

Monr0e · 26/07/2026 11:36

This has given me the rage now.

You told your therapist he rapes you in front of your dc's and her response wasn't to immediately report this to children's services but to suggest couples counselling? Because she knows you're not ready to leave him? She needs struck off.

Not one adult is safeguarding these children. You said previously he crossed your red line. But went back again. What will it take for you to protect your children?

Him emotionally abusing them? He does that
Physically abusing them? Does that
Sexually abusing them? Does that

It's all well and good keeping this a "safe space" for poet, but where is the safe space for the dc.? They have no agency in this, they are living in a horribly abusive household and every day they are exposed to this increases the long term impact on their emotional, physical and mental wellbeing.

DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 26/07/2026 11:39

@ThisIsPinkPoet it’s worth considering that if you leave, your children will likely be very relieved. It’s likely they don’t love their dad as much as you think. They show love out of fear from his tempestuous tempers. It’s similar to how you give into his needs ti keep things calm. You are all walking on egg shells. The children are showing this through crying as they know when daddy vacuums that he’s in a temper, it’s the most primal thing to cry and the only thing to soothe them is to get them out of this abusive home. Please have a think, it’s good you’ve come back, many on this thread care about you.

You sound like you are loosing yourself now .., I think it’s time to speak to your parents so they can pull you back.

ThisIsPinkPoetAgain · 26/07/2026 11:40

i just came back to let everyone know I was ok as a few people asked
not to give people the rage - sorry everyone . The kids are safe and happy and I feel safe enough if not happy all the time

DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 26/07/2026 11:44

I don’t think you are ok and I don’t think the kids are happy.
I am glad to hear from you as I worry what he does next to you could be very harmful and dangerous.

anotheruser345 · 26/07/2026 11:51

FMc208 · 26/07/2026 11:23

I Just feel I’ve got to the stage now where I don’t really care about myself or how I feel

Ok. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?!

You’ve literally said there that he makes his little kids cry. What is it going to take for you to protect them from this? The way I see it, you’ve willingly walked them back into an abusive household with a rapist monster. There comes a point where surely you must put their own safety (emotional and physical) over your own wants? He is not going to change. He’s told you that. He’s shown you that. Stop subjecting innocent children to this life.

I absolutely agree, these kids need to be protected so as much as you may get piled on for saying it, I dont think you are alone in thinking this.

I tolerated a lot growing up and it still impacts me now. Our parents at any point could have put us first and they never did and are still selfish now and there are 3 of us, none of us have any real relationship with our parents now because its beyond damaging. And actually the emotional stuff had a far bigger impact than anything physical. Its like you can get over getting hit, but the walking into your home with an atmosphere, never knowing what to expect, being scared to leave your room or genuinely happy if you had to stay at school longer because it meant avoiding that, it impacts you your whole life. The underlying tension and atmosphere in a home was far more damaging than the physical abuse or their arguments, the silence, the ignoring each other or waiting for one of them to explode or cause a drama over nothing was genuinely worse to me. Walking on eggshells all the time is how these children will grow up, even if poet says it doesnt affect them, I promise it does and will cloud their entire childhood and no one is prioritising them and its so frustrating to read honestly.

anotheruser345 · 26/07/2026 11:53

ThisIsPinkPoetAgain · 26/07/2026 11:40

i just came back to let everyone know I was ok as a few people asked
not to give people the rage - sorry everyone . The kids are safe and happy and I feel safe enough if not happy all the time

They arent safe and arent happy im sorry, but children crying because of vacuuming are not happy, they can feel and sense the tension and they are being affected. You think they arent being affected but someone doing housework doesnt make a child cry for no reason.

anotheruser345 · 26/07/2026 11:56

Monr0e · 26/07/2026 11:36

This has given me the rage now.

You told your therapist he rapes you in front of your dc's and her response wasn't to immediately report this to children's services but to suggest couples counselling? Because she knows you're not ready to leave him? She needs struck off.

Not one adult is safeguarding these children. You said previously he crossed your red line. But went back again. What will it take for you to protect your children?

Him emotionally abusing them? He does that
Physically abusing them? Does that
Sexually abusing them? Does that

It's all well and good keeping this a "safe space" for poet, but where is the safe space for the dc.? They have no agency in this, they are living in a horribly abusive household and every day they are exposed to this increases the long term impact on their emotional, physical and mental wellbeing.

Yeah this genuinely shocked me that a therapist not only did nothing but then encouraged joint therapy. Its beyond terrible and this therapist needs reporting quite honestly

anotheruser345 · 26/07/2026 12:14

ThisIsPinkPoetAgain · 26/07/2026 11:36

That’s ok. You’re entitled to say how you feel

but please understand I only really come on here to seek support and so I only talk about the ‘worst bits’ and majority of the time they feel a lot of love and happiness from him

a lot of kids have dads who get angry and I don’t believe it automatically means he is dangerous to them

separately to what is happening between me and him of course

And again im sorry but no a lot of kids dont have dad's that get angry, you need to stop thinking that your situation is fine because its normal. Its not normal, this isnt just guys get angry. In fact my Daughter is an adult and my Husband has probably raised his voice less than a handful of times and thats probably been mostly safety things like when she was little and tried to poke her finger in a plug and he shouted loud to shock her and stop her long enough that he could grab her away, but it was so rare that it sticks out in my mind because he doesnt shout.

And saying the majority of the time its all good, that doesnt make it better. Again we had months where things were fine but I never stopped walking on eggshells as I learned that the peace never stayed so you were just waiting for the next atmosphere, the next strop, the next bout of silent treatment. Even if it wasnt directed at us, the atmosphere in the home was awful. And I think having it daily would have almost been better as it might have felt predictable but you are always on edge, always waiting and those kids will grow up feeling the same.

I never voiced it to my parents while I lived at home so I bet they would have said we grew up happy, but all of us have a lot of issues from our childhood and were all impacted. Ive heard my Dad say a number of times he was a good Dad, even when we have told him how damaging our childhoods were, he fully believes he did a good job. So it seems a lot of people in these situations have blinkers on when it comes to the impact on the kids but you only have to listen to adults that grew up in homes like this to know it has a very real and very lasting impact.

PetulaGordeno · 26/07/2026 12:16

Poet you don’t have to convince us you are happy because you are not. You have said yourself you are giving up. You are having terrible nightmares.
People with balanced, happy lives do not feel this way.
You don’t have to tell us you only tell us about the bad times as if the rest of the time it’s fine. It’s not. The rest of the time is just respite from abuse.
Kids love their dad but they are also confused and frightened of him.
As a child once you are conditioned to try and balance your dad, especially of a weekend, and make happy so he’s not angry, your little body is carrying stress it cannot handle. So it turns inwards creating often lifelong conditions.
If you get out soon the children will recover. Their bodies will learn not to live like this.
The longer you stay, the worse it gets for their health.
You are telling yourself they are happy and love daddy but really they are just conditioned now. They desperately want his love, as do you, but they also live in fear, as do you.
You are the only person in their lives now who can help their futures. You can’t do it alone.
What do you want for your children’s futures?

Monr0e · 26/07/2026 12:18

I worry that you are so trained to downplay the abuse of yourself, that you are doing the exact same thing for your dc's and refusing to acknowledge the impact it is having on them. That your therapist has pretty much reinforced this for you is what is making me so angry.

I won't be posting again, but please please listen to the posters who are telling you how living in a toxic abusive environment has affected them all their lives. They don't have to be experiencing it 100% of the time. In fact, the instability and uncertainty of not being able to predict his moods added to seeing their mum become a shadow of herself in front of them will have an even more profound effect.

Pointing out the abuse your children are receiving is not to make you feel bad, but to hopefully open your eyes and spur you into protecting them. They only have one life - they deserve better than this.