MARCH 2026 - Well we took you to Stately Homes

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

have now set up a new thread as the previous one is now full.
This long runnning thread has become a safe haven for Adult children of abusive families.
The title refers to an original poster's family who claimed they could not have been abusive as they had taken her to plenty of Stately Homes during her childhood!
One thing you will never hear on this thread is that your abuse or experience was not that bad. You will never have your feelings minimised the way they were when you were a child, or now that you are an adult. To coin the phrase of a much respected past poster Ally90;
'Nobody can judge how sad your childhood made you, even if you wrote a novel on it, only you know that. I can well imagine any of us saying some of the seemingly trivial things our parents/ siblings did to us to many of our real life acquaintances and them not understanding why we were upset/ angry/ hurt etc. And that is why this thread is here. It's a safe place to vent our true feelings, validate our childhood/ lifetime experiences of being hurt/ angry etc by our parents behaviour and to get support for dealing with family in the here and now.'
Most new posters generally start off their posts by saying; but it wasn't that bad for me or my experience wasn't as awful as x,y or z's.
Some on here have been emotionally abused and/ or physically abused. Some are not sure what category (there doesn't have to be any) they fall into.
NONE of that matters. What matters is how 'YOU' felt growing up, how 'YOU' feel now and a chance to talk about how and why those childhood experiences and/ or current parental contact, has left you feeling damaged, falling apart from the inside out and stumbling around trying to find your sense of self-worth.
You might also find the following links and information useful, if you have come this far and are still not sure whether you belong here or not.
'Toxic Parents' by Susan Forward.
I started with this book and found it really useful.
Here are some excerpts:
"Once you get going, most toxic parents will counterattack. After all, if they had the capacity to listen, to hear, to be reasonable, to respect your feelings, and to promote your independence, they wouldn't be toxic parents. They will probably perceive your words as treacherous personal assaults. They will tend to fall back on the same tactics and defences that they have always used, only more so.
Remember, the important thing is not their reaction but your response. If you can stand fast in the face of your parents' fury, accusations, threats and guilt-peddling, you will experience your finest hour.
Here are some typical parental reactions to confrontation:
"It never happened". Parents who have used denial to avoid their own feelings of inadequacy or anxiety, will undoubtedly use it during confrontation, to promote their version of reality. They'll insist that your allegations never happened, or that you're exaggerating. They won't remember, or they will accuse you of lying.
YOUR RESPONSE: Just because you don't remember, doesn't mean it didn't happen".
"It was your fault." Toxic parents are almost never willing to accept responsibility for their destructive behaviour. Instead, they will blame you. They will say that you were bad, or that you were difficult. They will claim that they did the best that they could but that you always created problems for them. They will say that you drove them crazy. They will offer as proof, the fact that everybody in the family knew what a problem you were. They will offer up a laundry list of your alleged offences against them.
YOUR RESPONSE: "You can keep trying to make this my fault, but I'm not going to accept the responsibility for what you did to me, when I was a child".
"I said I was sorry what more do you want?" Some parents may acknowledge a few of the things that you say but be unwilling to do anything about it.
YOUR RESPONSE: "I appreciate your apology, but that is just a beginning. If you're truly sorry, you'll work through this with me, to make a better relationship."
"We did the best we could." Some parents will remind you of how tough they had it while you were growing up and how hard they struggled. They will say such things as "You'll never understand what I was going through," or "I did the best I could". This particular style of response will often stir up a lot of sympathy and compassion for your parents. This is understandable, but it makes it difficult for you to remain focused on what you need to say in your confrontation. The temptation is for you once again to put their needs ahead of your own. It is important that you be able to acknowledge their difficulties, without invalidating your own.
YOUR RESPONSE: "I understand that you had a hard time, and I'm sure that you didn't hurt me on purpose, but I need you to understand that the way you dealt with your problems really did hurt me"
"Look what we did for you." Many parents will attempt to counter your assertions by recalling the wonderful times you had as a child and the loving moments you and they shared. By focusing on the good things, they can avoid looking at the darker side of their behaviour. Parents will typically remind you of gifts they gave you, places they took you, sacrifices they made for you, and thoughtful things they did. They will say things like, "this is the thanks we get" or "nothing was ever enough for you."
YOUR RESPONSE: "I appreciate those things very much, but they didn't make up for ...."
"How can you do this to me?" Some parents act like martyrs. They'll collapse into tears, wring their hands, and express shock and disbelief at your "cruelty". They will act as if your confrontation has victimized them. They will accuse you of hurting them, or disappointing them. They will complain that they don't need this, they have enough problems. They will tell you that they are not strong enough or healthy enough to take this, that the heartache will kill them. Some of their sadness will, of course, be genuine. It is sad for parents to face their own shortcomings, to realise that they have caused their children significant pain. But their sadness can also be manipulative and controlling. It is their way of using guilt to try to make you back down from the confrontation.
YOUR RESPONSE: "I'm sorry you're upset. I'm sorry you're hurt. But I'm not willing to give up on this. I've been hurting for a long time, too."
Helpful Websites
Alice Miller
Personality Disorders definition
Daughters of narcissistic mothers
Out of the FOG
You carry the cure in your own heart
Help for adult children of child abuse
Pete Walker
The Echo Society
There are also one or two less public offshoots of Stately Homes, PM AttilaTheMeerkat for details.
Some books:
Toxic Parents by Susan Forward
Homecoming by John Bradshaw
Will I ever be good enough? by Karyl McBride
If you had controlling parents by Dan Neuharth
When you and your mother can't be friends by Victoria Segunda
Children of the self-absorbed by Nina Brown - check reviews on this, I didn't find it useful myself.
Recovery of your inner child by Lucia Capacchione
Childhood Disrupted by Donna Jackson Nazakawa
This final quote is from smithfield posting as therealsmithfield:
"I'm sure the other posters will be along shortly to add anything they feel I have left out. I personally don't claim to be sorted but I will say my head has become a helluva lot straighter since I started posting here. You will receive a lot of wisdom but above all else the insights and advice given will 'always' be delivered with warmth and support."
6

@formalwellies there is no logic, well there is….personal gain. There will be personal gain, there always is a pay out for what they do. Whether it’s physical money (what drives many of them) fame, bragging rights, anything where they can say they better then the scapegoats or someone else. Trouble is there are many unsuspecting ears in this world. From the outside it all sounds feasible and the stage is often set well and to their advantage….especially as the scapegoat backs off.

@formalwellies I just can’t believe someone would put their child in the care of someone who has been diagnosed with dementia, or that they would expect their parent who has dementia to care for somebody else. I mean, I can unfortunately, but how can anyone think this ok? His partner needs her head testing too.

I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if people see straight through him. Once the initial first impression of my BiL was no longer necessary for him to try and ingratiate himself, he’ll still talk about himself like he’s trying to keep his mask on, but it’s like he can’t actually see how other people would see him (MiL is much more clever in general). But this is the kind of thing my BiL would tell us about someone eg. “I had to leave my mum who has dementia looking after my child while I went to visit my friends because my sister wouldn’t watch them, what an inconsiderate person she is…” and we’d just be sat there thinking “are you nuts?”

I'm so pleased to be able to vent here with people who get it. DH must be sick of hearing about my awful family. GB2's stories can be very convincing, given that even when he is technically being truthful he will miss out any details that don't portray him as the victim or hero, and Mum might say things about him to me sometimes but even before the dementia would never publicly challenge him or back me up. If anything, the dementia is making it easier for him because even if Mum did tell anyone what was happening he can always claim she's imagined it/misunderstood. I'm sure this will be his first line of defence if asked about leaving his child alone with Mum. I've also heard him being aggressive with Mum if she disagrees with him, but of course this is denied and publicly he's all soft spoken and 'I'll do anything to look after my mum'.
As @MustIgo said, from the outside his story looks very feasible, is well set up and any action I take to protect myself makes it look even more true. I'm coming to terms with the fact that extended family and friends will view me negatively but it still stings, especially when I am actually still spending a huge amount of time and effort doing 'nothing' for Mum. I have considered trying to tell Mum's HCPs, or social services, some of my concerns but I suspect I will just be labelled as a liar and it will cause drama but ultimately just make everyone even more convinced that I am a trouble causer.
If anyone else reading this is dealing with similar siblings but at an earlier stage my advice would be to walk away and/or challenge as early as you can. I'm stuck in the position now where if I walk away completely I really do worry for mum's welfare, but there have been so many years where publicly I went along with the 'lovely caring family' narrative that the stage is set perfectly to make me look unhinged if I try to make a stand now.

You do not have to make a stand and indeed you can back away. That is what I’ve advised you to do from
the beginning It is nice to consider your mother’s welfare but she is not bothered about yours or with you as she is in the thrall of gb2. Let them get on with it, they are really both as bad as one another.

@formalwellies I agree with meerkat. If you were asking for advice I would say to leave them to it. I know you’re not and I know you want to do what you can. But from an objective outsider’s perspective your mum has caused this situation easily as much as your brother.

She has for years allowed both of your brothers to abuse you, and still allows him to shout and swear at you without standing up for you. I get you want to stand up for her and help her - it’s common for members of abusive families, but you don’t owe her anything.

I am not sure it comes from a place of owing but from a human place of empathy. We don’t like to see people suffer, even though these people have hurt us. It is hard to go against your innate empathy. You can walk away from people but you can’t walk away from how the situation makes you feel, even if you are a million miles away. There has to be a way balancing this.

Of course I understand that formalwellies has empathy, but her mother doesn’t seem to. When someone is in an abusive relationship, the “standing up for”, “providing support for” and “caring for” is not reciprocal. Ime, children raised in abusive families seem to have a feeling of owing their parent(s) something. In a Stockholm syndrome kind of way - it could have been worse, at least they fed me, clothed me, etc. They’re not psychopaths themselves, so they still care.

My DH is exactly the same. He doesn’t want to sever all contact because he loves MiL, and he feels a kind of duty to not simply cut her off. And of course that’s his choice. But he has extremely limited contact on the phone and isn’t feeling put upon to devote time and energy to the problems of the person who abused him (though he absolutely was in this position still a few years ago). He has strengthened his boundaries since then and it’s been clear for a long time that elderly care won’t be on the table as far as any of the kids are concerned. She’s lucky they pick up the phone to her imo. One of them doesn’t (the not GB).

I think perhaps it’s working out why you want to help. I remember my mum looking after her dad when he was dying. She had long since washed her hands emotionally but she just went did what she had to do and left. When he died she didn’t really feel anything, no tears, no lifting of weight. Just one day he was dead and that was that. I really feel it depends on whether deep down you still expect something out of it. Closure needs to happen before they are gone. It’s the fact that it still gets to you that’s the reason why I think No contact is the better option. Empathy for a sick human is hard to dismiss and you can do stuff to help but the distance needs to already emotionally be present I think. My mum never talked about it, she never bragged or expected anyone’s reaction. It was just done and dusted, a simple task. She never made a big thing out of it, never to us kids. He was an abusive man but we never knew this as kids. My mum detached from him a long time ago, he had no impact on her choices despite being a nasty man. I wonder if there are any forms of detachment therapy?

Deep down I know that @AttilaTheMeerkat is right, as she has been from when I first found this thread. I really have backed away significantly - not much more than a year ago I was spending more time at Mum's house than my own and resigned to having to do this, or move her in with me for as long as she wants it. I have done a lot of reflecting and thinking about the impact on my own life and my own family and recognised that I need to have boundaries and protect them. This has really not gone down well and I suppose the internal challenge that I have is deciding where those boundaries should be. I've spent a lifetime being taught that I should put myself last so it's hard to go against that. It's particularly hard now that Mum is very vulnerable. Logically I can see that she has created this situation by allowing GB2 to behave as he does, and that she failed to protect me when I was vulnerable so I do not owe her anything. Emotionally, I see a frightened old woman who is not being properly cared for and is looking to me for help. As pp mentioned, there's also an odd sort of imposter syndrome- my parents didn't protect me from GB1 and GB2 but supported me in other ways and everyone else considers them to have been close to perfect parents so am I really right to consider my family abusive?
I really am grateful for the support and understanding of everyone here- it really does help especially when I know that most people in real life will trot out the old 'but they're your family', 'Can't you just sit down and talk it out' lines. It's a slow process but I think I am making peace with the fact that I may not be popular with my family, and may be judged by extended family/friends but that's not my fault and I am allowed to put myself first.

@formalwellies I know exactly what you mean about imposter syndrome. This is what I meant a little while ago when I said if there had been physical abuse in my family I would go NC, but then I can’t actually say that for sure because I would see that as normal or at least “not as bad as some have it”. My DH does it. He has used the words “but it wasn’t properly abusive” about his mum who has NPD and prostituted him
and beat him and then left him in someone else’s care from when he was 10. “It’s not like she didn’t bother with me at all” - the only relationship they had was what she could use him for. When she decided she couldn’t use him, she left him with someone else.

You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. You can think long and hard about where you want your boundaries to be, but it’s difficult to set boundaries with people that won’t accept your boundaries. It sounds like you’re going to keep trying for as long as your heart’s in it?

I have been really thinking about your advice. As time goes on if nothing changes for me, everything that has happened will be “water under the bridge” (swept under the rug) and it will probably be a shock if I say I’m not going to support you because you didn’t support me years ago when I needed it. It will be like “What some little thing all those years ago”, or even history will be rewritten as my dad was doing that a few months ago about a fall out we had last year. Literally remembering events however he likes that wasn’t how they happened. I keep expecting another big argument, but if I hardly talk to them that won’t happen (haha, or who knows). But like you said, one day then, things will be harder for them and they’ll ask for help. And what will I do then?

The lengths they go to to really “be someone”. Found out via the grape vine as others have started to question the care of the elderly person in the family. The person in charge has put vulnerable person in the most expensive care home they could find. The cars outside are all jags and Porsche etc. We are not a Porsche family. The sale of the house will last about a year and after that they will have to move. Said people are prancing around the care home in party dresses and make up. What the….. So very sad. A more modest care home and the private care could last longer and they will live absolutely. What a charade.

The thing is to deal with your emotions, not use your behaviour to avoid them. Sticking around for more abuse, just so you don't have to deal with feeling bad for walking away, is self-sabotage.

Anything you can't deal with alone, you get therapy for. The cost of therapy is an investment in your health, like buying food or putting a roof over your head. A person doesn't have to be in therapy for years to deal with every little thing about their FOO. It can be used as a tool to work through specific things, until you've dealt with it enough to continue on by yourself with self-help measures etc.

Human beings are very good at finding 100 ways to not deal with their feelings. It's natural to take "the easy route". Except sometimes what looks easiest in the short term is actually causing long term harm to mental or physical health, affecting or even destroying careers and other relationships in your life.

It must be so hard to balance these
conflicting feelings. Walking away from sick parents goes against everything really. Are there no ways to satisfy the desire to help but at a distance that doesn’t hurt or like you say damage your other relationships. Can you do this in a family like this? Im guessing you’d still need therapy to be able to disconnect enough to do this still. The problem I guess is the siblings, if they won’t sort it reasonably then conflict is inevitable. It must be so hard to want to help but can’t get through the mess of siblings.

It is difficult to walk away from elderly vulnerable parents I have left dm and dsis to it. I tried to protect dm and failed so for my own mental health walked away.

with regards to therapy I have today signed up for talking therapy and I am looking into private therapy any idea what i should be looking for cbt edmr ? a psychologist or psychotherapist?

dd has this week been diagnosed with ptsd she hasn’t gone into details I am not sure if it is in relation to our family situation or not as prior to this she was in controlling abusive relationship then we had a run of lots of sudden unexpected deaths. Dd is doing the right things and getting support but it has made me realise i need to sort myself out so i can support her better. I am not going to tell dd about me seeking therapy as i don’t think that will be helpful

spendysis it depends what you need from therapy. There's many different kinds. I'd look into some to get an idea of what they're about and see if you feel drawn to anything in particular.

I guess because our situations are complicated, I'd go for someone properly qualified, so a psychotherapist at minimum (they've done a psychology degree plus something else, I think). A psychologist is higher qualified still and they're doctors, just not the drug-prescribing kind (for that you need a psychiatrist). A lot of counsellors and CBT therapists aren't very qualified, but this doesn't mean they can't be or that those types of therapy aren't worth it.

Core beliefs CBT could be useful for pulling apart things like feeling bad for walking away and helping you realise that protecting yourself from harm isn't bad, but necessary. Someone properly trained delivering core beliefs CBT is on another level from someone who has done a week-long course in negative thoughts patterns and how to avoid falling into the trap of them so they can deliver a few very basic CBT sessions to people who have nothing much wrong, apart from being glass-half-empty types. Obviously that basic knowledge is helpful and underpins CBT, but with these complex family dynamics we probably will always need to dive deeper.

EMDR is good for processing traumatic events.

Art therapy is good especially if you find it hard to express yourself with words, you don't need to be any kind of artist it's not about the creativity itself, it's about using creativity to express yourself and learn about yourself in the process.

DBT is good for people who can't regulate themselves emotionally.

Counselling can be useful if you just need to off-load or to figure a few things out.

There's other types too. All types of therapy are good for helping you "unstuck" yourself when you don't know how to go forward, IMO. Various forms of therapy can help you learn coping strategies for dealing with overwhelming feelings, depression, anger, or anxiety and panic, in an emotionally healthy way.

I think of therapies like painkillers, there's not one painkiller for this condition and another for that one, it's not that simple. Many painkillers can help a variety of conditions and sometimes, in your own particular case, a painkiller that works for lots of others just won't work for you and you'll need to try something different. Same with therapy and the therapists themselves. If something/someone isn't helping, don't give up.

The main thing is to find someone who accepts that reuniting with family isn't what's being worked on, those therapists will keep you stuck in the loop of pointlessly banging your head against the "wall" (your FOO) and that's really something that's down to the individual therapist. You don't want to be wasting sessions feeling like you're justifying or proving to the therapist why that option isn't an option for you. Explaining the situation and background is one thing, feeling like you're having to convince them not to repeatedly try to steer you down that road is another thing entirely. It's just a waste of your time and money and an unnecessary pressure on you, when you're already dealing with so much that you've ended up in therapy.

I'd rather work with a less qualified individual or someone with fewer skills to help me, but with the right attitude to support me in my choices, than with someone who really does know it all psychologically but who believes in repairing relationships being the be-all-and-end-all. It's not that you can't get anything out of working with those people, it's just that it's harder, because you have to pick through the bad guidance to find the good.

Either way, therapy will involve accepting your own role in things (your negative traits) and working on yourself, plus dealing with difficult emotions when they come up. For many people that, plus everyone involved being a little more understanding of each others differences, can go a long way towards repairing relationships and generally that would be the best outcome all round. For people suffering narcissistic abuse it's different. It's not usually possible to repair the relationship IMO, because there never was any possibility of a good relationship to begin with and the victim isn't the one who "broke" things. Relationships take two and it's very, very rare that the narc will ever acknowledge there's any problem from their end and work on improving themselves or the relationship.

You don't have to know though or to have all the answers. It's totally reasonable to go to therapy to work out if you want to try to repair the relationship or to let it go. It is helpful if you know (or at least have some idea) what you want from therapy before attending though, even if what you want changes over time as sessions progress and you figure new things out. Just gives the therapist somewhere to start from and a little insight into you. It's also ok to just show up saying you're feeling something but don't know what or where to go from here and just suspecting you need help. That will obviously take more time for the pair of you to pick through though before you start to get anywhere.

@SamAndAnniethank you so much

@SamAndAnnie that’s a really helpful breakdown of therapy types. I have some parenting courses coming up for helping my DD process what has happened to her, but I haven’t yet had any therapy for myself and have been thinking I might have to look into something separate as the waiting list from the charity is understandably long.

@Eeriefairy Your poor DH. I think it must be really difficult to be the partner of someone with a dysfunctional family too. As well as actually having to deal with these people I'm sure it's hard to see what it's done to him and try to understand why he can't seem to 'just' cut them off completely, as well as trying to work out how best to support when it's so far from your own experience of family. An understanding partner really is an incredible source of strength though.

@SamAndAnnie Your comments on therapy are really interesting. I did try briefly around the time that I went NC with GB1, to try to help me deal with coping with the reaction of my parents etc, but the therapist seemed really focussed on unpicking why I wanted to go NC and whether the relationship with GB1 was really unsalvageable. It felt like at best a waste of money since it had taken me years to make that decision and I had plenty of other people questioning it already. It's possible it might have been part of the process but as you say, just felt like yet another person trying to make me feel like I was over reacting. There was a passing suggestion of perhaps considering some sessions to work things out as a family which really made me doubt that she had any idea of the realities of what I was dealing with- if I had even suggested this to my family they would have used it as 'proof' that I was unstable (why else would anyone seek therapy? [in their eyes] and obviously the problem. Even if they had gone along with it GB1 would have turned up pissed.
I wonder how you go about finding someone who DOES understand that often by the time you seek therapy you have tried talking etc for years and you don't want to 'fix' the relationship, just get your head around your own feelings and help avoid repeating any patterns. I think I probably need this, but feel wary that I would end up with someone who won't understand.

@Spendysis this sounds so intense and so overwhelming and constant. The hyper vigilance must be off the scale. Can you not make moving your absolute priority, for the sake of all your family? It will help with the constant on switch.

Does anyone know if a co-dependant and a narc are the same thing? Neither seem to have an identity outside of the relationship.

@formalwellies he is remarkably well-adjusted in many ways, but he did have quite a number of years of therapy (and he has health problems that are linked to nervous system over-exertion). He does still have some issues but he’s done really well.

I have said before that he realised quite young that his mum was the problem - as he knew certain things were illegal, and she was so openly horrible, so in that way, it was easy for him to see the “wrong”. At the same time, he still has deep seated beliefs that his mum was “doing her best” (which a lot of people in his life have said to him), and that in some way he’s responsible for some of the way he was treated (particularly the violence).

I have always just understood that he would have complicated feelings and it’s not my place to try and force him to cut her off or anything like that. I did in the end go NC with her myself (with his total support and understanding).

All my friends growing up had abusive families - I started to question why this might be as I got older having heard ideas like “people from similar backgrounds feel a familiarity with each other” and I thought that was odd that everyone I clicked with were from abusive families. Then my DSis was in an abusive relationship. I just didn’t get it, I thought my family were a bit dysfunctional but “compared to” him and her and them etc who were “properly abusive”…

But I was bringing him up really to say that it doesn’t matter how bad or how mild you think your upbringing was, the feeling of love that a child has for their parent (including an adult child) isn’t simply dismissed by knowing your parent did things wrong. There isn’t a line in the sand and one thing warrants NC and another doesn’t.

My DH himself doesn’t always seem to understand why he still talks to her (she hasn’t apologised or changed like some people say about their formerly abusive parents). I do see some amount of harm from maintaining contact, even as little as it is, but it’s not my relationship, so it’s not for me to say what he wants that relationship to look like.

Moving just isn’t feasible at the moment it’s a retirement plan. Ds still lives at home and works locally as do me and dh although I mainly work from home. The mortgage is nearly paid off and I like my house

i think things for me will calm down when dsis moves into DMs house as the house thing has been quite triggering and when dm passes away

eerie and spendysis you're welcome, there's other types I know nothing about so haven't commented on, but I'm sure Google can give you an overview.

Wellies you had the wrong type of therapist. Being told someone is abusive and responding by suggesting joint therapy with them is both ridiculous and dismissive.
To answer your question - just ask them! Before booking the first appointment. Tell them you're NC or will be NC (if you're sure about it and it's not something you want to discuss at all) and that you want to work through your feelings about it or you want help to cope with your feelings (or whatever else it is that you want). Ask them if they can work with someone who has no interest in repairing the relationship. If they don't have those skills or don't believe in NC, it's better to find that out before booking them.

To play devil's advocate, even if you were a nasty POS and everything really was your fault, if you're arriving at therapy in a difficult situation and wanting help to deal with your emotions in the here and now, a good therapist should be able to deal with what's in front of them. They can worry about exactly how you arrived at that point later, when you're calmer. Even if it was established that you were the one in the wrong and even if you accepted that, it's still a valid choice to remain NC and not try to repair the relationship. Being in touch with family isn't compulsory, it's optional.

Peeved sorry for your loss ❤️

I can now spend some time looking after myself as ive got some time off work!

I went to the hairdressers this week. First time in a very long time! New hairdressers. She was lovely. She was talking about her family and how her sister has just had a baby. How they are close and she adores her niece.

She then asked about mine because I mentioned i had a DC. She asked if my parents help me. Tbh i was honest and said no. This is the first time ive been honest to someone that actually they dont help me. I said no not really and laughed. It was a bit awkward because I dont think she expected me to say that. She had previously asked if my family were close by and I said only about 10 mins away. Ive got to the point where im no longer going to tell people they are ok.
They don't help, didnt help in my toughest times when I had a young baby/child.
Tbh i was a bit jealous about hearing about her family and how she loves them and they do stuff together etc. Not her fault, she wasnt to know my family are rubbish.

Anyone had this when someone asked about your family and you were honest about them?

@90sbaby123 tbh most of the time the subject has been approached in my life most people have a story of unsettled families. It seems quite rare to find a really nice close one. My hairdresser when we spoke last time has issues with her mum helping her sister and not her. Did all the childcare for her baby and then when she had her baby and asked for the same so she could return to work was told that she’d done enough childcare.