Help I have no one in real life to talk to about this.
I got very drunk on bank holiday monday came home late early hours.
I had been with friends I do not normally drink when out, I like to drive home but my friends thought it was about time I relaxed and had a drink and a laugh.
Nice night I got home safely everyone was asleep so I got in bed in pretty much fully clothed with my dh who had also been drinking and was well away snoring and cuddled in with him I think.
Woke up in the morning nothing on below the waist andvery very sore --sparing the details basially my dh had 'molested me in my sleep and made use of my back passage a very big taboo in this house I have refused to even consider it and he knows it.
So upset but have kids and had to get on with it having problems down there feels like I have given birth again --I was at the docs tues morning but with my teenager and was too embarrassed to mention anything.
THe worse of it dh slept most of tues waited for him to say something but never even mentioned it /asked if I was ok-got through tuesday night I am feeling so upset he feels nothing ??
Wednesday he asks if some one had slipped me something on monday night as I as behaving weird since and had gone out in a top with stains on tbh I cannot think straight I feel very betrayed and was ignoring it.
Well it took a row about crisps and me calling him an idiot on wednesday night for me to confront him and ask him if he thinks that his behaviour was ok said I was compliant I said I was unconscious he does not seem to think he has done anything wrong I said I feel like I have been raped I cannot stop crying he said well he had a drink too like it was an excuse and that I responded?
I have a problem with my knees and cannot put weight on them in a kneeling position so I know that doggy style sorry tmi would have hurt my knees and woke me up if I was not totally out of it.
The laugh of it is when he has a drink I generally know that he is not up for sex so would of felt safe getting in bed but it must of been that late /early that he was not that drunk iykwim.
He has avoided talking about it today he got drunk last night- I went to bed with the kids he spent all day in bed again.
What do I do I cannot get my head around this I cannot cope with the fact that he does not realise how deeply hurt I am physically and mentally .
I want to scream rape/ abuse /hurt and kick him out but I am so embarrassed cannot even talk to my best friend she senses something but just said we fell out over his behavior on monday night.
Can i tell my gp will it be confidential -could I call on this as unreasonable behavior if go for a divorce.
Does he know what he has done and is just in denial?
At this point in time cannot ever imagine sleeping with him again.
Thankyou if you have read this far helps to get it out.