well how do you react if your DH of 10 years does something you consider unreasonable

[wwhatnoww]

Help I have no one in real life to talk to about this.

I got very drunk on bank holiday monday came home late early hours.
I had been with friends I do not normally drink when out, I like to drive home but my friends thought it was about time I relaxed and had a drink and a laugh.

Nice night I got home safely everyone was asleep so I got in bed in pretty much fully clothed with my dh who had also been drinking and was well away snoring and cuddled in with him I think.

Woke up in the morning nothing on below the waist andvery very sore --sparing the details basially my dh had 'molested me in my sleep and made use of my back passage a very big taboo in this house I have refused to even consider it and he knows it.

So upset but have kids and had to get on with it having problems down there feels like I have given birth again --I was at the docs tues morning but with my teenager and was too embarrassed to mention anything.
THe worse of it dh slept most of tues waited for him to say something but never even mentioned it /asked if I was ok-got through tuesday night I am feeling so upset he feels nothing ??
Wednesday he asks if some one had slipped me something on monday night as I as behaving weird since and had gone out in a top with stains on tbh I cannot think straight I feel very betrayed and was ignoring it.
Well it took a row about crisps and me calling him an idiot on wednesday night for me to confront him and ask him if he thinks that his behaviour was ok said I was compliant I said I was unconscious he does not seem to think he has done anything wrong I said I feel like I have been raped I cannot stop crying he said well he had a drink too like it was an excuse and that I responded?
I have a problem with my knees and cannot put weight on them in a kneeling position so I know that doggy style sorry tmi would have hurt my knees and woke me up if I was not totally out of it.
The laugh of it is when he has a drink I generally know that he is not up for sex so would of felt safe getting in bed but it must of been that late /early that he was not that drunk iykwim.

He has avoided talking about it today he got drunk last night- I went to bed with the kids he spent all day in bed again.
What do I do I cannot get my head around this I cannot cope with the fact that he does not realise how deeply hurt I am physically and mentally .

I want to scream rape/ abuse /hurt and kick him out but I am so embarrassed cannot even talk to my best friend she senses something but just said we fell out over his behavior on monday night.
Can i tell my gp will it be confidential -could I call on this as unreasonable behavior if go for a divorce.
Does he know what he has done and is just in denial?
At this point in time cannot ever imagine sleeping with him again.

Thankyou if you have read this far helps to get it out.

Wwhatnoww, I am so sorry what happened to you!

Just one horrible thought that occurred to me: you are absolutely sure that you were fine coming home from your night out are you? I know you wrote that your friends dropped you off, but is just that with there being no mess at all (even though your H was very drunk himself), and with you being so knocked out throughout what must have been a terrible attack, it sounds like you might have been slipped something (in a drink?)... This happened to one of my friends while she was on night out many years ago, and she could afterwards not remember a thing either (though she ended up in a pub's loo and not in her own bed afterwards..). Fortunately for her, her attackers were caught on the pub's cctv (they didn't realise it was there).

Please know that there is no doubt in my mind that what has happened to you is horrible. I am sure that this will continue to affect you long after the physical wounds have gone, and if it was your H who did this to you, then in your shoes i am not sure i would be able to ever put my trust in him again.. I wish you all the strength!

I wondered how hubby got your leggings off you- did he put them back on you or were they on the floor?

Just thinking aloud along with previous poster- are you sure you got home ok and nothing happened on the way home?

Her husband has admitted that they had anal sex so unlikely anything happened on the way home

I feel so angry for you that he would abuse your trust like that hope the doctors apointment went ok, agreeing with what others have said, consentual gentle anal sex would not lead to you being injured in the way that you have

wwhatnoww,what you've been through in your own home has made me feel so,I hope that you've had help for your injuries and that you're getting the help you need now.

please let us know how you are-even if you didn't goto your GP in the end, let us know you are okay?

Bumping this as V worried about OP. Please let us know you're OK

me too

I also thought was it someone else but appears I was wrong.

I hope you are ok, wwhatnoww.

I was drugged and molested just over 5 years ago and I still kick myself every day that I did nothing about it.

I hope you are ok, you have my sympathies, it's the most horrible thing to happen.

It's a really awful isn't it? I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since i read the OP.

I meant to say whatnow, that if it was me I would also be feeling really heartbroken that someone i loved and trusted as much as my H could suddenly do something so shitty and out of character.

You must be feeling so confused and rotten. I really hope that the reason you've not posted is because you're busy going to doctors and crying on your RL best friend's shoulder.

All the best xxx

I hope you are ok.

I have been thinking about you whatnow and I too am hoping you are ok and that you have confided in a RL friend.x

bump

I'm amazed at some of the responses on here. It was only anal sex - what's the problem? OMG. I hope none of those posters are judges in RL!

FFS Winky - anal sex is fine between consenting adults. But the OP is not comfortable with anal sex and does not want it. And she didn't consent!

WinkyWinkola My God!

Winky, I don't think (IMO) its the anal sex thing. From what I've read, its the betrayal by someone OP should have felt safe to be in bed with, addmitedly completely bladdered, without him taking adavantage of her. And, it can't really be described as only anal sex if she ended up bleeding from both orifices!

winky if that was true then you'd say that rape is 'only' sex!! FGS!!
This womans husband had anal sex with her without her consent and seriously hurt her

Winky, you can not be serious! He did this to her without her consent!Knowing that she had refused to have it in the past! It is rape.
Completely different to a wife agreeing to try something different!

ww I have just seen this thread hope you are ok, please let us know how you are doing.
I would like to add I am disgusted by some peoples reactions to this. Her husband had no right to do this, it was rape. Disecting it and saying that bit doesnt make sense is not only unhelpful but implies you you dont believe her which is dangerous. Its attitudes like that why women dont report rape for fear of not being believed, espeacially if events dont follow the'normal' stranger jumps out of a bush scenario. Im sure op feels confused about the details but she needs support. I had an incient a few years back with my now ex husband, part of me still feels a drama queen saying he raped me, but he did I said no and he carried on. I never told anyone mainly because it doesnt quite make sense to me, why didnt I fight him ofF more and kick him in the balls and I thought people would think I was being silly, he was my husband after all. Any I recently found out that he raped his 2nd wife also. This is not the time for these attitudes, she has come on here for support which must of been really hard for her. Those of you that have not supported her should be ashamed of yourselves

Winky- it is rape if she didnt consent, weather it was vagianl sex or anal sex. Both are forms of sex and can both be kinds of rape if not consentual. Why do pople even bothering posting if they havent got a clue

There's a strange school of thought that separates sexual assault from any other kind. It's a nasty, intrusive assault with added risk of unwanted pregnancy and/or infection, but it is certainly no less assault than any other physical attack. She didn't wake up in the morning thinking "eww, he did it that way I don't like"; she realised what had happened because she experienced pain and bleeding. I dunno, maybe some do like a bit of assault. Maybe your bits are shredded to ribbons on a nightly basis and you are happy about it. Maybe you use a nail file instead of a rabbit. But most of us aren't terribly into pain or internal damage.

ww my thoughts are with you sweetheart - I hope you find the support and comfort you need. WinkyWinkola - you are training to be an ante natal teacher with an attitude an manner like that! Crikey that worries me!

If she can't rememeber how do we know she didn't consent at the time? alchol can do bizarre things i.e you saying yes to things you would never usually. Also not remembering is not the same as being unconcious. (also you can do anal without putting pressure on your knees)

I really think you need to sit down and have another conversation with your husband about this, you seem to both be ignoring each other and what has happened.

saying that, bleeding is not a normal side effect from anal sex and i hope the visit to the GP was successful.