Talk me down, or just talk to me, please. Nonstop mentionitis around other woman he's just met... then she's texting him first thing in the morning

[mentionitisfeckingwithmyheaditis]

Aaaaaaaaagh. I'll try to be brief. (Name changed.)

Long distance relationship. Travelled to meet him. He was going for drinks with friend and his gf. Other women turned up. He got pretty drunk, was a bit late to meet me. Okay. Not a problem.

Then for the next 36 hours, he didn't stop mentioning this one woman, what she was wearing, some joke she told, where she was from blah blah blah. Honestly, I wasn't particularly bothered. But after 36 hours, after he'd told me some more detail about what she was wearing, he gets a message from her.

I'm, like, excuse me. This is shit. Obviously, they've exchanged numbers, obviously she's keen. He's apologetic, says he understands why I'm upset (erm, I'm raging). Says he won't reply.

We move on. (Well, he moves on.) I'm going round in circles. He didn't make any pretence that it was friendly or that I was being unreasonable. Which is perhaps good. But I'm thinking, wtf are you doing swapping numbers with a woman while I'm sitting waiting for you. I can't get it out of my head. I mean, how fucking blatant can you get.

I can't really see there's any point reigniting the conversation with him. And I also can't believe that if they were both that keen on each other that he won't just pursue her anyway. Because if he was prepared to swap numbers then he's not going to just go, oh, gf was unhappy I'll turn this hot new prospect down now.

Aaaaaaaagh. I wish the fuck I didn't know any of this.

What are you thinking? A man talks non stop - so didn't talk about anything else - about a woman for over 30 hours and you just sat there? He chats up a woman while you're waiting for him and now he's messaging her but you still want a relationship?

He sounds like a terrible idea. Next!

He's smitten. To use the phrase of the moment 'let him'. Then go and live your own life.

Defo throw back.

Block. Delete. Move on.
Why are you investing in this?
Just let go, it’s nothing, he’s nothing.

@Maitri108 well, he did talk about other stuff! But I heard a lot more about her than I really wanted to. Like I say, I wasn't particularly bothered because although kind of annoying, I didn't have any reason to think he was actually planning to see her again.

It was the text that made me really sit up and go, what the actual hell. And then the realisation that meant they'd swapped numbers, with pretty clear intent. (Which his apology didn't even pretend to hide.)

That’s not mentionitis. That’s him keeping his options open and you letting him. Get some self respect and move on.

Dump his arse, find someone closer to home.

He doesn't give a shit.

Please do not accept this.

Jesus, raise your standards.

@Eyesopenwideawake yes, I think he was / is smitten. It was weird because he didn't really pretend otherwise.

I don't want to be a sap. I don't really want to talk to him about it again. We always a good time together. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to lose me. But writing it down, it just sounds insane.

Sounds to me like he’s testing the water of what you’ll put up with. If you forgive this, he knows he can push it one step further and maybe text her. Then another step and meet her. Then another step and cheat with her. This is how abusive life sucking relationships start.

This is your chance to set a clear boundary as to what you will accept and won’t accept in your relationship. If you set the boundary and he crosses the line, you have to leave the relationship.

He's found someone else OP.
Your relationship is over.

And I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to lose me

A man who swaps numbers with another woman and talks about her non stop really isn’t bothered about losing you. You’re a stop gap while he’s looking for a better offer.

How long have you been seeing each other? Not that it really matters - he’s disrespected a pretty big boundary imo

I think you know this is bad news. If you carry on with this, what else are you prepared to put up with? It’s unbelievably rude behaviour. He must think you are a total mug. In your shoes I’d be sending the “this isn’t working for me” message, with no further discussion.

Doesn't mean it’s not shit for you though. So I sympathise. But do yourself a favour and move on from this one.

What a horrible man. Don’t stick around to be tolerated by someone who would rather chat up some random woman than see his gf who has traveled a long way to see him. Don’t be any man’s second choice, if he’s smitten with someone else, find someone who is smitten with you!

What a prick doing that when you were waiting. Unbelievable. You could never trust him. Dump and move on. Sorry OP

How long have you been together? And you say you're long distance?

I'd be pretty uncomfortable with this, especially as with long distance he could be up to no good.

I think it might be a test, yes. Truth is, he can literally do what he likes, message who he likes, see who he likes because I'm not there.

He knows I trust him; what'd be the point otherwise? He also knows that he has much more opportunity than me. Which isn't really the point. I just want to say to him, what the hell were you playing at? He did hold his hands up, he wasn't being an arse about it.

But at the very time I was travelling to see him, he was swapping numbers with a woman who there's clearly a pretty blatant mutual "attraction" with. And then tells me over breakfast she's messaged him. What so-called gf wants to hear that?

He doesn’t want to lose you, sure. He just wants to sleep with other women when you’re not around. And as he’s just shown, maybe when you’re around, too. If you’re okay with that, carry on. But if it’s LD and you know you can’t trust him….. come on, get a grip. If you thought this was okay you’d never have come on here, you know it’s not.

It has made me feel like a stopgap. And not even while he waits for a better offer. I mean, he received such an offer and told me about it. Then realised his "mistake".

He's not horrible. I know this makes him sound appalling. It just feels so fucking shit.

I would have dumped him on the spot.

Please read your post back OP.
this is a huge waste of time.

He was going for drinks with his girlfriend and other woman when you turned up?
He’s already got 2 women on the go and you’re the 3rd? I’m confused…

He would like you to dump him on the spot.
Preferably without a long heartfelt and emotional conversation, and then you magically vanish.
Unfortunately you are a real human and he's an inadequate one.

Thank you. I don't think it's okay. But I don't quite want to believe he'd do something so stupid.