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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He won’t tell me the women’s name

102 replies

Kianafrankie · 18/08/2024 21:51

So me and my partner have been together 5 years now we have a son together he is 4 anyway to cut the point we had a few drinks and it lead to a deep conversation were I said you’d never be disloyal to me would you and he replied with ‘if I was unloyal I’d of f**ked the girl that messaged me early hours in the morning to go and meet her’ now this threw me back and I questioned what he meant who the girl was why I didn’t know about this like WTF he then told me I knew who she was and he wasn’t telling me who it was so obviously I carried on asking is disbelief that he’d even said this let alone kept it from me I’ve asked him multiple times for the truth as I see it so disrespectful that one I KNOW this women and two he’s hid this from me he said it was last year and he’s now left the house and said he wasn’t going to tell me who it was as there would be no point to it but it’s just playing round my head to think who this girl is and why he’s so protective of her and why the hell she would feel comftable messaging my partner like that when I clearly know who she is what do I do???

OP posts:
ladybirddotty · 18/08/2024 22:06

Leave

Iwantamarshmallowman · 18/08/2024 22:09

it takes two to tango.. he probably did shag her but it's a slippery slope from here even if he didn't. kick him to the kurb

Kianafrankie · 18/08/2024 22:10

He even looked at me and said please for me can you just leave this one because I have asked so many times who it is my mind is on overdrive why the hell is he hiding this women's name from me we've been together 5 years!!!!!!

OP posts:
Kianafrankie · 18/08/2024 22:11

Iwantamarshmallowman · 18/08/2024 22:09

it takes two to tango.. he probably did shag her but it's a slippery slope from here even if he didn't. kick him to the kurb

Crazy to even read that and think he could of done that to me I'm mind blown by the whole thing

OP posts:
CaptainCabinetsTrappedInCabinets · 18/08/2024 22:13

Tbh sounds like there is no woman and he is cruelly winding you up. Ltb

eggandchip · 18/08/2024 22:14

With a comment like that op i think he`s already been there.
Maybe im wrong idk.

Kianafrankie · 18/08/2024 22:16

CaptainCabinetsTrappedInCabinets · 18/08/2024 22:13

Tbh sounds like there is no woman and he is cruelly winding you up. Ltb

Oh I did think that and it was mind games but he looked just so different when I was questioning it he even said if I was to leave him if I didn't know who it was then he still wouldn't tell me I've tried every possible way to make him fess up crazy to think I've been with this guy 5 years and I don't even know him!

OP posts:
Kianafrankie · 18/08/2024 22:17

eggandchip · 18/08/2024 22:14

With a comment like that op i think he`s already been there.
Maybe im wrong idk.

☹️

OP posts:
TheAverageJoanne · 18/08/2024 22:18

You say women, is there more than one? What's he playing at?

Kianafrankie · 18/08/2024 22:20

TheAverageJoanne · 18/08/2024 22:18

You say women, is there more than one? What's he playing at?

He says it just one and I know who she is but won't tell me who she is but messaged him in the middle of the night asking to f**k her wow

OP posts:
Pinkissmart · 18/08/2024 22:21

He is being intentionally cruel. Perhaps have a conversation about what you think respect looks like in a relationship you would stay in.

Kianafrankie · 18/08/2024 22:23

Pinkissmart · 18/08/2024 22:21

He is being intentionally cruel. Perhaps have a conversation about what you think respect looks like in a relationship you would stay in.

I did I said how disrespectful this is and would he like it I kept that from him and he said to shut up about it cause no matter what he will not tell me who she is

OP posts:
jf1992x · 18/08/2024 22:28

Sorry but he's fucked her. Probably more than once, hence why he's protecting her. It's only a matter of time before you find out. Hopefully for your sake it's not someone you're really close to. Sorry OP ☹️ men are horrible

Kianafrankie · 18/08/2024 22:30

jf1992x · 18/08/2024 22:28

Sorry but he's fucked her. Probably more than once, hence why he's protecting her. It's only a matter of time before you find out. Hopefully for your sake it's not someone you're really close to. Sorry OP ☹️ men are horrible

I just keep thinking could it be her is it her is cruel to even do this to someone's mindset especially when I had nothing but good intentions with him and for him so sad

OP posts:
bubblesummerxx · 18/08/2024 22:31

There's clearly more to the story that you will possibly find out if he tells you who the girl is if there even is a girl
I'd be even more pissed at the fact that he's protecting this girl more than you right now

bubblesummerxx · 18/08/2024 22:33

Your gonna have to do some detective work and look through his phone if you get a chance

Kianafrankie · 18/08/2024 22:34

bubblesummerxx · 18/08/2024 22:31

There's clearly more to the story that you will possibly find out if he tells you who the girl is if there even is a girl
I'd be even more pissed at the fact that he's protecting this girl more than you right now

That's what hurt me the most that he's not just straight away said who she is because why not?? I can't think about anything else driving me insane

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 18/08/2024 22:35

You have no idea whether what he's telling you is true. He could be making it all up. Either way, he's an absolute wanker for telling you that. He either wants to make you feel insecure or he's just trying to upset you. Why on earth would you want to be with a man like that?

Kianafrankie · 18/08/2024 22:35

bubblesummerxx · 18/08/2024 22:33

Your gonna have to do some detective work and look through his phone if you get a chance

He would have deleted this by now I'm guessing because I'm only finding out now because he was drunk

OP posts:
Whatineed · 18/08/2024 22:40

I would punt a guess that If he hasn't slept with this woman then it's possible he's led her on to the point that she's messaged like that. Do many women out of the blue message me they know are in a relationship to request sex?

Whatineed · 18/08/2024 22:40

*men

Kianafrankie · 18/08/2024 22:42

Whatineed · 18/08/2024 22:40

I would punt a guess that If he hasn't slept with this woman then it's possible he's led her on to the point that she's messaged like that. Do many women out of the blue message me they know are in a relationship to request sex?

Exactly what I said I said how wierd it was that a women thought he was accessible in that way he said it was random I don't think so really

OP posts:
HurrahWuff · 18/08/2024 22:45

Could it be possible that your sister/best friend/boss may have messaged him and he thought you were testing him at the time & now he's worked out you don't know anything about it, he doesn't want to destroy the relationship you have with that person? He might be trying to save your hurt...

PickAChew · 18/08/2024 22:45

Kianafrankie · 18/08/2024 22:16

Oh I did think that and it was mind games but he looked just so different when I was questioning it he even said if I was to leave him if I didn't know who it was then he still wouldn't tell me I've tried every possible way to make him fess up crazy to think I've been with this guy 5 years and I don't even know him!

He is a massive bellend, whichever option is true.

CorvusPurpureus · 18/08/2024 22:55

He's drunk & thinks that the best way to communicate with the mother of his child is to blather on about random women he's been contacting.

Who may or may not exist.

OP, you know what to do.