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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Anyone been in a situation like this? Missing person

192 replies

imuseless · 21/05/2024 13:39

My son (early 20s, ASD) has been missing since May 1st in a different Country. UK police are involved and they got the police in the other Country involved and also interpol. Police there have been checking hospitals, police stations, homeless shelters, john does.. Police here in the UK have been checking ferries, flights etc, trying to see if he has re entered the UK or gone on to another Country etc.

His phone has been off since May 2nd, Zero posts on social media, no reply to any messages, voice mails or anything else, He didn't contact me to wish me a happy birthday a few weeks ago which is when I knew for sure something was wrong, Not even sure if his phone is off, dead, stolen or if he's taken his sim card out. Nobody in our family and none of his friends have seen or heard from him in any way what so ever. Because of the ASD he is the type of person that messages me constantly throughout the day (and tells me absolutely everything if I want to know or not!), All day every day 'Mum I'm awake now, I'm going to do such a thing now' etc so I know something bad has happened. There is no way he would ever go this long without contacting someone, He wouldn't even go one hour.

I'm preparing to fly out, I'm not sure if that is even a good idea or if I should stay here in case he makes it home. Not even sure where in the other Country he is, would only be guessing on my part. We have no connection to the other Country at all, No family there, no friends, never been before etc.

Nobody even knew he had left, nobody knew he was going in the first place. First I knew he had left the Country was the one post he made saying he had arrived with a selfie then nothing at all since.

He is ASD and would be classed as very vunerable and very easily led, If you were to tell him there is a tunnel at the end of your garden that takes you to Spain he would believe you and ask if he could go to Spain with you.. All the things that would be obvious to me like going into a police station, a hospital, a library, try to find an internet cafe to ask for help etc he wouldn't think to do..

Not slept for days, not eaten for days, can't think straight, my mind keeps wandering to all sorts of bad things, I can't think of a single good reason he wouldn't have been in contact in some way by now, I feel absolutely useless, unsettled and have a constant horrible feeling in my stomach that won't go away, I'm literally waiting for my phone to ring with some news, good or bad. I have no idea what to do. Anyone else have experience with a missing person? Did it turn out ok?

Not sure if I'm looking for advice or if I just need to get this all down out of my head.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 21/05/2024 15:15

That must be incredibly frightening for you. If he talked to you regularly beforehand did he even mention the word Poland? what have the police said about his bank account?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 21/05/2024 15:20

I feel you will do more good staying at home - and considering all the suggestions made on this thread.
As i guess you don't speak Polish, and you have never been either.

It sounds as if he left in a bit of a hurry i.e. unplanned and not thought out,

if he can go that quickly to Poland he can very easily be elsewhere by now.

By being at home he knows where you are and how he can contact you
so can anyone else i.e. Police.

HaystackHair · 21/05/2024 15:25

Is it possible he went to meet a girl? Have you checked dating sites?

AIstolemylunch · 21/05/2024 15:33

Would it be worth sharing on facebook? Polish people in the UK might be able to share back to family etc to keep a look out for him.

dogmandu · 21/05/2024 15:46

It's strange that he left his animals without after care at all. I wouldn't be at all sure he's taken off and gone to Poland.

IncompleteSenten · 21/05/2024 15:46

That is really frightening.
Can you ask the police for more help on the grounds your son is a vulnerable adult?

TERFCat · 21/05/2024 15:52

Can you find a local Polish group on Facebook and post in there? Perhaps ask if there are any well known scams he might have been conned into?

God bless.

HamBagelNoCheese · 21/05/2024 15:53

I can't begin to imagine what you're going through.

Have the police accessed his emails/social media accounts? From your description of his autism, it seems very unlikely that he's randomly booked flights to Poland and gone off on a jolly. I'd be concerned that he'd been talking to someone online who has encouraged him to do this. Any talk of a girlfriend/boyfriend or any new names mentioned lately? It may also explain why there's no trace of him if he were staying with someone who is accommodating and feeding him etc.

Mummapenguin20 · 21/05/2024 15:55

Hope you get some news soon

rainbowstardrops · 21/05/2024 16:08

Blimey, what an awful situation! I'd be absolutely worried sick, just as you are.
It does sound very odd that he didn't mention the trip to anyone when you e said that he usually keeps you 100% up to date with everything.
It's like looking for a needle in a haystack but just wondering if the Polish police could look through airport CCTV?

tara66 · 21/05/2024 16:25

He actually sound like he should not be living by himself anyway - what a worry.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 21/05/2024 16:26

It is good that the police are involved.

Facebook sharing seems to be very successful for finding people. Perhaps his friends can help you with this.

Have you also considered contacting churches in the town he went to? It is another wide-reaching community and there will be more eyes looking out for him. Church groups do have contact with people in trouble for all kinds of reasons and they do still often look after the homeless or lost or confused.

Invisablepanic · 21/05/2024 16:39

This is a nightmare situation. Do you have the funds to contract a missing persons detective? I believe there are people who specialise in such situations?

UrsulaBelle · 21/05/2024 17:03

I don’t really have any advice, but sympathy. My DS is early 20s with ASD and I can’t imagine how worried you are.

Any consolation my friend’s DB with Asperger’s went missing for months in Spain and just turned up one day. I really hope you have a similar happy ending.

Taurusenergy · 21/05/2024 17:09

Just wanted to say how sorry I am, this is every parents worse nightmare. Wish I could help. The other posters re putting it out to media /podcasts is great. What about Facebook or Instagram that might create more attention. I've got everything crossed for you that he will be safe and back with you soon.

Wakemeup17 · 21/05/2024 17:19

www.facebook.com/share/aGwY9q24b1isqpkj/

This is a FB group in Poland for missing people

Wakemeup17 · 21/05/2024 17:20

www.facebook.com/zaginiecia

This one as well

Letsgodancing · 21/05/2024 17:25

I am so sorry you are going through this. There is a huge polish community in UK and many people who frequently travel between the 2 countries so you could put out on social media groups especially Facebook groups of Polish people living in UK with his photo, see if there's any groups with brits in Poland or foreigners living in Poland explaining he is missing and which area/city he was last known to be in and get the word out.

Amx · 21/05/2024 17:32

I would go.

There's a website called websleuths who are brilliant at helping with this type of thing, they will have lots of ideas if you are okay with going public.

WaitingForMojo · 21/05/2024 17:39

Couldn’t read and run, I have a ds who is similar and this is a worst nightmare. I’m so sorry and hoping with everything I have that your ds is found safe. If you decide that publicity is the way forward let us know so that we can get his name and face out there.

Motnight · 21/05/2024 17:42

Really hope you have good news soon, Op.

CheshireCat1 · 21/05/2024 17:44

The Salvation Army family tracing service helps to find missing persons in over a 100 countries, it may be worth contacting them. I hope your hear from him soon, take care.

Springlysprung · 21/05/2024 17:46

Can you look at a press appeal? If I was you I’d contact every newspaper you can online - tagging in twitter X posts etc until it’s picked it

herbygarden · 21/05/2024 17:47

I am keeping everything crossed you find him very soon @imuseless Xxx

Babycatsmummy · 21/05/2024 18:46

Praying for some positive news and your sons safe return soon xx

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