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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Anyone been in a situation like this? Missing person

192 replies

imuseless · 21/05/2024 13:39

My son (early 20s, ASD) has been missing since May 1st in a different Country. UK police are involved and they got the police in the other Country involved and also interpol. Police there have been checking hospitals, police stations, homeless shelters, john does.. Police here in the UK have been checking ferries, flights etc, trying to see if he has re entered the UK or gone on to another Country etc.

His phone has been off since May 2nd, Zero posts on social media, no reply to any messages, voice mails or anything else, He didn't contact me to wish me a happy birthday a few weeks ago which is when I knew for sure something was wrong, Not even sure if his phone is off, dead, stolen or if he's taken his sim card out. Nobody in our family and none of his friends have seen or heard from him in any way what so ever. Because of the ASD he is the type of person that messages me constantly throughout the day (and tells me absolutely everything if I want to know or not!), All day every day 'Mum I'm awake now, I'm going to do such a thing now' etc so I know something bad has happened. There is no way he would ever go this long without contacting someone, He wouldn't even go one hour.

I'm preparing to fly out, I'm not sure if that is even a good idea or if I should stay here in case he makes it home. Not even sure where in the other Country he is, would only be guessing on my part. We have no connection to the other Country at all, No family there, no friends, never been before etc.

Nobody even knew he had left, nobody knew he was going in the first place. First I knew he had left the Country was the one post he made saying he had arrived with a selfie then nothing at all since.

He is ASD and would be classed as very vunerable and very easily led, If you were to tell him there is a tunnel at the end of your garden that takes you to Spain he would believe you and ask if he could go to Spain with you.. All the things that would be obvious to me like going into a police station, a hospital, a library, try to find an internet cafe to ask for help etc he wouldn't think to do..

Not slept for days, not eaten for days, can't think straight, my mind keeps wandering to all sorts of bad things, I can't think of a single good reason he wouldn't have been in contact in some way by now, I feel absolutely useless, unsettled and have a constant horrible feeling in my stomach that won't go away, I'm literally waiting for my phone to ring with some news, good or bad. I have no idea what to do. Anyone else have experience with a missing person? Did it turn out ok?

Not sure if I'm looking for advice or if I just need to get this all down out of my head.

OP posts:
TinkerTiger · 21/05/2024 20:29

featherlampshade · 21/05/2024 20:02

Contact his bank and try find out if he's been using his account? X

Highly doubt the bank can disclose that info.

LittleMissSleepyUK · 21/05/2024 20:33

So worrying. Especially leaving his house and pets

was he forced to go or something

Goose22 · 21/05/2024 21:16

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, sending a big hug.
I do agree with pp about media coverage - there is a travel influencer on Instagram called Eva Zu Beck. She is polish, currently in Poland and has almost a million followers, maybe a long shot but any coverage you can get, maybe a shared picture? Would certainly reach a lot of people. Really hoping for good news for you xx

bellocchild · 21/05/2024 21:19

Take several copies of recent photos with you, to show people.

FrancisSeaton · 21/05/2024 21:25

This is sad- think there's another British youngster missing in Krakow at the moment

merryandbrightdelight · 21/05/2024 21:47

bellocchild · 21/05/2024 21:19

Take several copies of recent photos with you, to show people.

This - best of luck op

morbidd · 21/05/2024 21:49

OP does he have any special interests? What does he obsess over or is drawn to? I would potentially look at hiring a PI here to try and get answers quickly. Would you be comfortable sharing any social media posts here?

Getonwitit · 21/05/2024 22:13

OP I wish you all the luck in the world. Flowers

MyBrownEyedHandsomeBoy · 21/05/2024 22:17

If the neighbour has had access to his house/flat, surely they know something or how would they know to 'just decide to let themselves in and feed the pets' 🤔
Worth going back to them and digging for more info.

I do hope you get some good news op. Sending hugs and strength

Greenturnip · 21/05/2024 22:54

I’m so so sorry. I hope you manage to get some answers when you get there. Praying he is ok

HoHoHoliday · 21/05/2024 23:14

You may already have done this as you mention the police - but I wanted to say, you need to get the police to consider him a "high risk" missing person, which given his vulnerable life it should be easy for them to consider.
Once he is considered high risk then things like phone records, banking transactions, etc can be accessed.

You must be going out of your mind with worry. Hopefully he's just sparked an interest in something and taken himself on an adventure but has lost his phone.
Sending hugs and luck and good wishes to you.

ThankYouAgainAgain · 21/05/2024 23:21

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Thank you for posting as it has given me valuable perspective on my own ASD son's situation.

I will be thinking of you and wishing for a message asap to tell you that he is safe.

Changedname23 · 22/05/2024 00:42

This is just awful. I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are in my thoughts

jolenethea · 22/05/2024 00:59

How worrying for you. Do you know if the police are monitoring his bank account?

TheSpicyOne · 22/05/2024 01:10

Wow that’s terrifying OP. I have a DS of a similar age with ASD who sounds very similar to yours. I’d be going out of my mind!

You need to make loads of fuss to the police with absolutely no apologies to get him listed as a ‘High Risk’ misper so they can access passport logs, bank accounts, phone records and locations. They can track CCTV from bank card use. I’m shocked they haven’t done this already!

You have a record of his ASD diagnosis?

I’d have been on the first plane, back to the location of the picture he sent you, putting up and handing out pictures and asking if anyone remembers him. Probably within a day or two of no contact.

I wouldn’t be leaving it to the police out there, that’s not to say they won’t be trying, but I’d want to be checking this has been done myself. A lot of Polish people speak relatively good English and I’m sure you could find someone willing to be a translator.

You can speak to the police out there too.

Check hospitals in case he’s been in an accident and can’t communicate etc. Homeless hostels, prison in case he was arrested for something (may not have been his fault), etc

The SM links people have been posting on here will probably be a great help.

Do you have anyone who could be at your home while you go, a family or friend to go with you to Poland.

Print out loads copies of recent pictures and try to use Google translate to make posters but get over there immediately.

Bearpawk · 22/05/2024 01:22

So sorry this has happened.
Is leaving his house unlocked/ pets unattended usual for him?
I honestly think I'd be going out there. Handing out photos, taking to local businesses where he was photographed.

TheSpicyOne · 22/05/2024 01:24

In fact, I’m sorry OP but this has made me a bit angry as I find it quite unbelievable that your young adult, very vulnerable son with a disability went to a country no one was aware he was going to and he has no connection with, and has been missing and very uncharacteristically no contact for 3 weeks and none of his family or friends have gone out there to try to find him. Poland is only a few hours away on a plane.

Especially as he left his home unsecured and pets unfed and you are aware of this and sure the photo of him in Poland is legit.

EnglishBluebell · 22/05/2024 02:12

TheSpicyOne · 22/05/2024 01:24

In fact, I’m sorry OP but this has made me a bit angry as I find it quite unbelievable that your young adult, very vulnerable son with a disability went to a country no one was aware he was going to and he has no connection with, and has been missing and very uncharacteristically no contact for 3 weeks and none of his family or friends have gone out there to try to find him. Poland is only a few hours away on a plane.

Especially as he left his home unsecured and pets unfed and you are aware of this and sure the photo of him in Poland is legit.

Same. If he tells you every single thing he does throughout the day, when did this suddenly stop? So it went from something similar to "making beans on toast now" to nothing? Surely you must've been straight round his flat to check he was ok?

Absolutely not troll hunting, just clarifying details. I have an interest in studying missing persons cases so this detail jumped out at me

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP

EnglishBluebell · 22/05/2024 02:19

I realise MN is generally anonymous but given your missing son, it might be worth sharing his photo on here as there are MNetters on here, who are based all over the world, including I'm sure, in Poland. There will almost certainly be countless members who know people in Poland who can share his image

Garlicked · 22/05/2024 03:33

imuseless · 21/05/2024 14:24

He doesn't have a laptop or a pc or a tablet etc, he has a samsung phone and nothing else, I don't have any of his passwords for his social media or his bank information apart from which bank he is with. Its not an old pic he posted as he recently changed his hair style and it was taken in Poland at the old market square. We are not friends on facebook (his choice) but we talk on messenger and hes not been online at all. I have aksed his friends on facebook if he has posted any posts for 'friends only' and they are all saying no posts at all since may 2nd.

Which old market square, what city? How did you know where he was, did he send text with it? This is pretty important if people are prepared to put themselves out helping to look for him.

The police should have found out how he got there by now, assuming he used a passport and wasn't being reverse trafficked/smuggled somehow. Have you heard from them on that?

Wishing you good progress.

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 22/05/2024 03:48

Feel so much for you right now OP, hopefully it’s a case of losing his phone and he’s found soon xx

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/05/2024 05:19

I hope your ds is found safe and well. X

PickledPurplePickle · 22/05/2024 05:54

I am so sorry to read this, how very stressful for you

Can I direct you here https://www.lbt.global/

This is a charity that helps families in situations like yours

LBT GLOBAL | lbt.global

Overseas Crisis Support - death abroad, murdered abroad, missing people, crisis abroad, LBT Global, missing abroad, terrorism support, lbtrust

https://www.lbt.global

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