Stories of stingiest first dates

[frtedsbed]

Just comparing experiences here at a friends ... jaw dropping stuff!

Mine asked me to transfer money for a coffee and cake after our first date which was a walk and feeding the ducks.
I thought we were going for lunch ... that was the original invite.
Another asked me to transfer money to r a takeaway having offered to pay for my child and I , as he stayed at mine every weekend. Both ended there and then !

Probably because they went on a walk for a first date and paid for their own coffee 😂

women are still the pickers. Just sadly they’re often terrible at it!

Women on these boards end up with shit partners because of other variables such as trauma and attachment issues that have made them feel unworthy of better men. It’s almost always the men that cheat and treat women like shit, because as a GENERAL rule they don’t get as emotionally attached. It’s the women who get hurt. That’s exactly why it’s important that women choose the men wisely, so she can be sure he’s actually serious and won’t just leave her when he fancies it.

Oh women who do casual sex are stupid now, are we?

I am aware no contraception is bombproof etc etc etc but I had a good decade of sleeping around and never got pregnant, and the worst thing I caught was a bad cold.

But there was no contraception years ago. We had to choose who we had sex with more wisely, our brains haven’t had chance to evolve that far yet. It doesn’t go ‘’oh yay, contraption exists, I don’t care who I sleep with now’’ it takes thousands of years.

Very true. However who pays for what isn’t really the issue. The issue is whether a man is respectful, kind and considerate. Not how much he earns. A lot of wealthy men might wine and dine and look like ‘providers’ on the face of things. The assumption seems to be if a man is loaded, he’s a keeper. Which is just so not true.

I do think it’s stupid yes. I’d lose respect for men and women who slept around casually tbh, but each to their own.

I said earlier I’m not a stickler that men pay, but at the same time, if a man is interested but can’t even buy a woman a coffee there’s something amiss.

Some women thrive on promiscuity, have you heard of the cuckold effect ? Women can be ruthless in persuit of the best genes for their off spring too.

Exactly!!! Men do get emotionally attached, but it’s disproportionately to women, that’s the exact reason why those men, the ones that are in it for the long haul and serious need to show themselves above the rest.

If a man won’t even buy a woman a coffee and doesn’t go out of his way for her in any way to show his interest, then he probably doesn’t give a shit about her and she shouldn’t date him again. Women need to choose the good ones. That’s the entire point.

It has nothing to do with being valued based on appearance. Everything to do with making sure there's a basic level of, you know. getting on.
Which isn't needed with an 'in-person' friendship/meeting then date, because this fact is already established.

But I've had a few dates where we got on well chatting, but no chemistry on meeting in person - fine to be friends with, but not for a relationship. So you fo need to meet in person at some point.

Earlier on you were saying that you can't know or care for a person until you've done all sorts of things together. I'm sure you can appreciate that a picture isn't full reality and you'd need to meet in person to know if attraction exists in person.

I also think you understand exactly why so many men would want to go for a walk around their neighbourhoods to see where they end up, and why a lot of women won't find that appealing.

Exactly. I'm not sure why so many PP are making it all about physical appearance. Especially as a man would have seen you at the point of buying a coffee? Why would anybody buy a coffee for someone who hasn't turned up yet anyway. Surely it would get cold?

I've had dates where something about them in person was off-putting. Maybe it's their voice, the way they gesture/eat etc. I'm sure it's the same for men. I don't see why they need to have paid for a coffee to 'impress' me when I'd have written them off anyway.

@YoureALizardHarry11

If a man won’t even buy a woman a coffee and doesn’t go out of his way for her in any way to show his interest, then he probably doesn’t give a shit about her and she shouldn’t date him again. Women need to choose the good ones. That’s the entire point.

I agree women need to choose good ones but there are many more indicators of being a good one than buying a coffee.

Of course, and buying a coffee does not necessarily mean someone is a good person but equally, begrudging spending £3 on a coffee and generally displaying tight or uncaring behaviour does not bode well for the future of a relationship. I would find an absolute skin flint so unattractive.

Haven't met anyone I like enough to go on a date with in a long time, but when/if I do, I prefer going for coffee. I pay for my own food/drink, don't like being paid for. I'm a cynic, and worry there's always an expectation of 'extras'. Besides, I've got enough money of my own. I've never understood those who expect to be paid for.

Expectation of extras? Do you really feel pressure because someone bought you a hot drink? Or a dinner? I find this so strange.

I don't think it's always about 'expecting' to be paid for. There are a number of ways a man (or woman) can indicate they are interested and offering a drink is a culturally norm. Offering a drink to a stranger at the bar say is a way to signal they'd like to get to know you.. Of course there are many cues on what kind of person they are and the level of interest and offering to pay is only one. On a date we are hoping to find what resonates with us so it's unsurprising that we respond to things differently. It's a bit of a dance as we pick up clues.

OH FFS

CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK TO SOME INTERESTING/FUNNY/AWFUL STORIES

Honestly some people on here could start an argument in a paper bag

A guy I went out with once took photos of life models when he wasn’t driving buses. Everyone is entitled to do what they want and I am not judging anyone for choosing to do it but I certainly didn’t expect to see that during our meet up.

Well to be fair, after the thread went silent for two days, we thought everyone who felt the need to run in and shout at everyone to maintain order would have done it already. That is one delayed reaction.

Alas, I think that ship has sailed.

Delayed, shouty and basically happy to have an argument with no-one else around!

What was it you saw? I mean, which did he bring to the date - a bus or a naked lady?

Several naked ladies.