Page 36 | Stories of stingiest first dates

frtedsbed · 2024-02-29T15:02:31+00:00

Just comparing experiences here at a friends ... jaw dropping stuff! Mine asked me to transfer money for a coffee and cake after our first date which was a walk and feeding the ducks. I thought we were going for lunch ... that was the original invite. Another asked me to transfer money to r a takeaway having offered to pay for my child and I , as he stayed at mine every weekend. Both ended there and then !

BirthdayRainbow · 03/03/2024 19:55

Why @TigerJoy ? She insisted he pay first time. He did the same to her the second date.

NonPlayerCharacter · 03/03/2024 20:08

BirthdayRainbow · 03/03/2024 19:55

Why @TigerJoy ? She insisted he pay first time. He did the same to her the second date.

It sounds as though he went on the second date purely to make her pay for it, which to me is more ridiculous than going on an initial date and insisting he pays when he clearly doesn't want to, although that's pretty gauche too.

I'm actually a bit disappointed that two such obnoxious and graceless people didn't get together. You sort of feel they should be a match somehow.

TigerJoy · 03/03/2024 20:42

BirthdayRainbow · 03/03/2024 19:55

Why @TigerJoy ? She insisted he pay first time. He did the same to her the second date.

Oh lord, I didn't want this to get into who should be paying this is supposed to be lighthearted FUNNY ANECDOTES.

I thought at the time her ideas were outdated and likely to not go down well, possibly explaining her single status - not so much for her thoughts on what was "proper" as her absolute insistence on them. I think it is pretty graceless to insist someone pays for your dinner when they're offering 50/50.

It wasn't so much the fact that he wanted her to pay, it was the fact as soon as the bill was put on the table he slid it over to her. If he'd just left it like a normal person she could or would have said "oh my turn to pay". The sliding over before she got a chance to is pointed and rude (if absolutely hilarious).

TigerJoy · 03/03/2024 20:44

NonPlayerCharacter · 03/03/2024 20:08

It sounds as though he went on the second date purely to make her pay for it, which to me is more ridiculous than going on an initial date and insisting he pays when he clearly doesn't want to, although that's pretty gauche too.

I'm actually a bit disappointed that two such obnoxious and graceless people didn't get together. You sort of feel they should be a match somehow.

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I'm not sure he did go out just to get a meal back (but who knows).

Certainly they both behaved pretty poorly and I struggled to be sympathetic when they both complained to me about the other. And yes, how lovely for the universe if they'd have got together.

Lunde · 03/03/2024 21:15

Uricon2 · 03/03/2024 17:07

Slight aside but is anyone else old enough to remember "ladies menus"? They were pretty old fashioned 40 years ago but I was handed them on occasion.

They were exactly the same menu but without any prices. The world has indeed changed! 😂

ETA on one occasion, I was in fact paying and the waiter was a bit nonplussed when I asked for the bill.

Edited

Oh yeah - I remember the "ladies menus" with no prices.

PingvsPong · 03/03/2024 21:42

TigerJoy · 03/03/2024 19:48

SOME ACTUAL STORIES

Hadn't realised this until reading this thread, but date following a speed date event (so barely knew him). He insisted on meeting outside a pub at a very specific time ("when my bus gets in"). He then suggested we go for a walk in the park. At 9pm, in November, in the dark. He was really put out I said no. We then went on a tour of the town, looking for a pub which provided a suitably comfortable seat for him. By the time I actually got a drink in Pub No. 7 I didn't want a drink with him, and we paid for our own drinks. When I turned down date no.2 he made a pissy remark about our date "only lasting 47 minutes". Longest 47 minutes of my life.
Turned up at the restaurant, and the first thing he did was slap £30 down on the table and say that was all the money he had for the evening. I was really taken aback as although he said his card wasn't working I knew he was staying with a good friend - if it were me I'd have borrowed to make sure I could cover my share - and first impressions and all that! Also, it wasn't a particularly pricey restaurant but I knew £30 definitely wouldn't cover it and £60 probably wouldn't either (and he didn't stint on ordering the wine, or starters, or sides). Then he wanted to go to a pub after once all his money was gone. Anyway, I don't remember anything about the date beyond this. No second date obvs.
Was asked out by a younger man, was rather thrilled (I was early 30s, he was late 20s). He suggested a rather nice cafe which was buffet style and rather casual, but it's known for its good food. When we got to the till the lady asked "separately or together?" and he said "Oh separately, I wouldn't want to burden you". I still laugh and laugh when I think of this moment. What a line! I don't know why I then went to the pub with him to listen to him rant about the Royal family. No second date.
This one was not me, but a friend who had very strict views on certain dating things - one was men always paid for the first date. I foolishly set her up with a friend. She told me she was a bit put out at the end of their first date when he suggested they split the bill - she insisted he paid (which made me absolutely cringe, but ok). However, at the end of the second date, when the bill came,apparently he put two fingers on it and slid it over to her with a stern and meaningful look. No third date. I have never been able to look at him the same way.

haha these are so funny! All very entitled men.
Except for the last one - he had a lucky escape from the entitled woman.
I don't think a man should pay. But even if I did. And he disappointed. I'd have paid my share and just not seen him again. To insist is extremely unladylike behaviour...

BigSkies2022 · 03/03/2024 22:14

I agree that having a bit of grace and style around the issue of paying is important. I met my DH at work. We had coffee together, then lunch, then a drink after work. I think those meetings were very much split, or cost so little as to be unnoticed (it probably helped that we liked each other). The first proper date was an impromptu dinner after work, and I offered to pay half. To which he replied, "Oh no, if I were expecting you to pay half, I'd have gone for somewhere much more expensive, I'm paying for this one, and I hope you'll come out with me on Saturday evening." That was 20 years ago, we've been married 15 years and he's a generous delight to be with. As am I. We treat each other fairly, and treat each other often.

So, yes, the raising of the bill, who foots it, how it will be split, in advance of even meeting, does suggest that someone is very focused on money and not getting done over, even to the tune of a glass of wine or a cup of coffee, rather than feeling excited about the prospect of meeting someone new and getting on well. And in the context of dating, it is perfectly fine to feel put off by that. I've dated both men and women, and I can report that it's offputting from both, equally.

TigerJoy · 03/03/2024 22:20

PingvsPong · 03/03/2024 21:42

haha these are so funny! All very entitled men.
Except for the last one - he had a lucky escape from the entitled woman.
I don't think a man should pay. But even if I did. And he disappointed. I'd have paid my share and just not seen him again. To insist is extremely unladylike behaviour...

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Oh I agree 100% with you about the woman!

There's a reason we're not friends anymore....

marcopront · 04/03/2024 04:11

@PingvsPong

haha these are so funny! All very entitled men.
Except for the last one - he had a lucky escape from the entitled woman.

Why is the man in the 3rd story entitled?
He just expected to share the cost. Given the age difference she was probably the higher earner.

Downunderduchess · 04/03/2024 05:01

SamW98 · 03/03/2024 12:26

Well we have our own red flags and anyone discussing who’s paying for what before even meeting would be someone that’s not my kind of person. As the PP said it’s rather gauche.

I only ever go for daytime drinks and/or coffee as a first date anyway. So anyone wanting to talk about who’s buying coffee beforehand would indeed be a red flag.

Im happy to go alternate rounds and I’ll always offer but I’ll happily accept if they refuse and insist on picking up the tab but to have a pre date agreement - it’s just all a bit vulgar and transactional imo and I would think yuk

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Agree, I would find any prior mention of who’s paying for what on a first date pretty cringy. Easy enough on the day to pay your own way or say I’ll get this etc. if you wanted to.

threatmatrix · 04/03/2024 12:30

NonPlayerCharacter · 03/03/2024 12:12

I don't know about the rest of you, but the more this person talks, the more I just can't understand how this person also has such an encyclopaedic knowledge of clichéd women ("grifters") doing clichéd things, and a male friend who keeps getting done over by them despite being such a wonderful catch.

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I only know what I see. Trying to entice other people into vilifying me is rather childish. No wonder you use dating sites. Now off you trot and annoy someone else, you’re like an annoying gnat. Toodle pip. Oh and try and remove that chip off of your shoulder. I’ve actually had loads of thanks.

threatmatrix · 04/03/2024 12:31

NonoLePetitRobot · 03/03/2024 12:11

If they are doing that after ordering, it suggests they don't feel safe on the date. There's no material benefit to them ordering something and leaving before they eat it.

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They are not there to benefit, they are there to find a partner. They obviously did not like what they saw. ‘Benefit’ what a funny term to use.

NonPlayerCharacter · 04/03/2024 12:34

threatmatrix · 04/03/2024 12:30

I only know what I see. Trying to entice other people into vilifying me is rather childish. No wonder you use dating sites. Now off you trot and annoy someone else, you’re like an annoying gnat. Toodle pip. Oh and try and remove that chip off of your shoulder. I’ve actually had loads of thanks.

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This is funnier than a lot of the stories!

BrightHarvestMoon · 04/03/2024 12:38

NonPlayerCharacter · 04/03/2024 12:34

This is funnier than a lot of the stories!

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I agree! And I always cringe so hard when someone says their comment has had a lot of 'thanks!' 😆Sounds like @threatmatrix has had a bit of trouble with the women he's dated.

threatmatrix · 04/03/2024 12:52

BrightHarvestMoon · 04/03/2024 12:38

I agree! And I always cringe so hard when someone says their comment has had a lot of 'thanks!' 😆Sounds like @threatmatrix has had a bit of trouble with the women he's dated.

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‘He’ 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🙄so just because I backed up a man friend I’m a he 😂😂😂 how funny. You assumed wrong.

Livelifelaughter · 04/03/2024 13:50

@Naptrappedmummy I agree with you. I would see a man who split a bill as not really interested in me in a romantic sense. As for it's so expensive in OLD then how about pick dates and don't date numerous women for second dates.

pikkumyy77 · 04/03/2024 13:55

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Prelapsarianhag · 04/03/2024 14:15

When I was dating in my thirties I always took them on a long walk for the first date - to see if they could keep up.
One guy walked me home after and I invited him in for a cup of tea. He asked to see me again and I said no, not feeling it. He got really angry because he liked my house and said he had been planning to move in.

Sweden99 · 04/03/2024 14:27

Prelapsarianhag · 04/03/2024 14:15

When I was dating in my thirties I always took them on a long walk for the first date - to see if they could keep up.
One guy walked me home after and I invited him in for a cup of tea. He asked to see me again and I said no, not feeling it. He got really angry because he liked my house and said he had been planning to move in.

😳

Orab · 04/03/2024 16:20

threatmatrix · 04/03/2024 12:30

I only know what I see. Trying to entice other people into vilifying me is rather childish. No wonder you use dating sites. Now off you trot and annoy someone else, you’re like an annoying gnat. Toodle pip. Oh and try and remove that chip off of your shoulder. I’ve actually had loads of thanks.

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🙈

See also: anyway my girlfriend's older than all of us and she goes to a different school, so ...

Livelifelaughter · 04/03/2024 17:10

Moonlightandroses44 · 29/02/2024 16:46

Whatever works for you is fine. I don’t need buying a drink because I’m helpless. It’s something I’d appreciate as an act of generosity from someone who is demonstrating they value me and my time.
if that makes me sexist and outdated I’m totally happy with that. If a man couldn’t or wouldn’t buy me a glass of wine I would assume he wasn’t interested in me. Because to be honest, if he was, he would just buy the glass of wine. It’s a glass of wine.

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@Moonlightandroses44 I agree. I don't think it's sexist or outdated to expect a man to pay. It's not a sign of inequality. For me it's a mark of respect and an indication that I am seen as valued. Some men won't like that and it's fine. Some woman won't like it and that's fine too

mrsdavegrohl0 · 04/03/2024 17:33

It would be a dream for me to go 50/50 on a date. I always end up paying somehow.

I'm not rich, and I'm female...

NonPlayerCharacter · 04/03/2024 17:40

mrsdavegrohl0 · 04/03/2024 17:33

It would be a dream for me to go 50/50 on a date. I always end up paying somehow.

I'm not rich, and I'm female...

How does that happen?

livelovelough24 · 04/03/2024 18:30

I cannot wait for this tread to reach 1000 posts and die. It started of fine but then was overtaken by a group of women with a whole another agenda, which is too bad. Go start your own thread!

YouDidntEvenAskIfSheWasThereMoriarty · 04/03/2024 18:36

livelovelough24 · 04/03/2024 18:30

I cannot wait for this tread to reach 1000 posts and die. It started of fine but then was overtaken by a group of women with a whole another agenda, which is too bad. Go start your own thread!

I've been skipping all the posts with replies to try and get the good stories.

This would have been a really good thread if it was just those.