Stories of stingiest first dates

[frtedsbed]

Just comparing experiences here at a friends ... jaw dropping stuff!

Mine asked me to transfer money for a coffee and cake after our first date which was a walk and feeding the ducks.
I thought we were going for lunch ... that was the original invite.
Another asked me to transfer money to r a takeaway having offered to pay for my child and I , as he stayed at mine every weekend. Both ended there and then !

I agree, there's just no need for it. Why bother in the first place if you feel it's vital to jump in with that out the outset and I would just decline the date if I felt that way or was the recipient of it.

I suppose though that if the proposed date doesn't mind or appreciates it, that they're just as brusque and lacking finesse so it might work out after all.

yes that’s it.👍maybe it’d suit brusque ground workers lacking in finesse but able to directly be gauche

leaving those awash with finesse and adept at diffidence to never, ever, discuss monies or bill payments . Safe in the knowledge no one would ever consider them gauche

Well I'm straight so I think it's unlikely to be an issue for me but yes. I think if a woman and I arrange to meet for inexpensive drinks (because I'd never do more than that on a first date) and she communicated to me that she's thinking more about being sure to avoid buying me a latte than about having a good time with me, I'd swerve. For the same reason.

And I wouldn't say it to a man who asked me out, partly because I think it's crashingly gauche to be talking about the money before you've even met - at this point you should at least be pretending that you just want to meet this person and enjoy their company. And partly because as I said, I'd want to see if he indicated his interest and I think refusing to buy a cheap drink signals disinterest in a man. They just don't get resentful and angry about a latte if they're into you!

I think refusing to buy a cheap drink signals disinterest in a man conversely if he buys expensive drink is he very interested ? Do you expect a man to pay?
in my social life with friends when we go out we split the bill and it’s by what’s consumed. I’m vegetarian don’t drink so no I’m not splitting a bill with booze when I’ve had a soft drink

conversely if he buys expensive drink is he very interested ?

More so than if he's terrified of buying a cheap one. I wouldn't order an expensive one anyway.

Do you expect a man to pay?

If he's into me, yes, because time and time again, men have indicated to me that if they're into me, then they will. I'd even go so far to say that if they're into me, they'll want to. That's been my consistent experience and that of other women I know. (ETA: Remember we are talking about a first date drink here, nothing more. Although I'll just go on and say that all the men who have loved me long term, including my husband, have been glad to share money with me. And I with them.)

As I said in an earlier post, if you don't like that, blame them! I didn't always feel this way but that's the message I got over and over again.

If a man is into me I'll know. He doesn’t need to pay. Nor do I want him too. My value isn't demonstrated in financials.

don’t understand the blame him statement. There is no blame to be attributed

i have a preference to not have men show their approval or demonstrate being into me by paying for things

That works for you, go for it. I'm not going to spend the rest of my Sunday arguing with you over how you prefer to date. You work to your life experience and I'll work to mine. Sounds like you'd like all the men I'd swerve, so maybe it's all working to some grand plan.

You’re very prone to hyperbole. Swerve as you wish.
It really isn’t arguing to have two contrary views, you’re somewhat over stating it
Anyway as I said I have a partner , we aren’t dating anyone else(to best of my knowledge) but we do split the bills. It’s habitual and no conversation required

Actually, I think you're just offended because I described your preferred method of pre-date communication as crashingly gauche and clodhopping. I'm sorry if I offended you, but that really is how I would view it. We're getting ready to meet for the first time and my date is sending me messages to let me know what he has no intention of paying for? Ugh. It's the same as if he were sending me messages saying "I hope you're not ten years older or three stone heavier than your pics". Can understand why he'd think it, but actually saying it to the date, before you've even met...ugh ugh ugh. No thank you.

i remain unreservedly unoffended. Why would I be? The point is the riposte and exchange of views. You’ve posted your pov not a searing précis of my character. Let’s keep this in perspective
I DO think you’re prone to hyperbole and
see you have slid gauche on in there (again)
is it daily mail word of the day?

I just want the funny stories goddammit!

@FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee Me too!!

Slight aside but is anyone else old enough to remember "ladies menus"? They were pretty old fashioned 40 years ago but I was handed them on occasion.

They were exactly the same menu but without any prices. The world has indeed changed! 😂

ETA on one occasion, I was in fact paying and the waiter was a bit nonplussed when I asked for the bill.

Never heard of it. Was the inherent presumption no prices as the lil laydee wouldn’t be paying and shouldn’t bother her pretty self with such details

too gauche I expect

.....Whether you take the shortest maternity leave you can or maintain your career- you are carrying those babies and taking the hit. It’s inescapable.
*
You need to be looked after.*.....

WTF did I just read?

What you do is find a man who treats you as his equal, not puts you on a pedestal.

I don't need looked after. I out earn my DH by 4x.

My career didn't take a hit and we do all parental and household responsibilities fairly.

In fact DH stepped up and played more of a role while my career was taking off.

That's what equity and respect mean.

Good for you, however, there are very few women that outearn their husbands by 4x. That is very far from realistic. There can be no society where you only get high paying jobs, even less of one where women would be having all the high paying jobs.
We are not equal and our ability to bear children makes a huge difference whether you want to admit that or not.
As you say, your husband stepped up and took on more of a role so your career would not take the hit. That is not necessarily equal. For woman's career not to suffer, someone else has to step up.
And even then there are lots of women who do not want to leave their babies at 3 months old to be looked after by someone else. There are women who want to breastfeed their babies and look after them themselves and that is a very natural thing to do. Shall we shame them now because they are letting their career suffer and compromising their earning potential? Actually, that is a rather disgusting capitalist perspective.

my mother told me of them, apparently the norm at the time. My dad harboured a grudge about her ordering the most expensive thing consistently, apparently he didn't know women's menues didn't show the price.

oh! Thought of another one.

matched with a guy who lived semi-rurally whereas i do not. Said guy is roughly 15 miles from me.

ahead of our planned first drinks date, he asked me (in this order)

• how much would it cost to get a taxi from his town to mine. I already had the ick from his lack of critical thinking

• was there anywhere local he could stay for cheap? When I hesitated he volunteered that he might stay with his mum in the neighbouring town (!)

• failing that, could he stay at mine to save on cash 🤣🤣🤣 he was happy to sleep on a mattress in the back of his camper 🤣🤣🤣

needless to say there was no date.

• how much would it cost to get a taxi from his town to mine. I already had the ick from his lack of critical thinking

• was there anywhere local he could stay for cheap? When I hesitated he volunteered that he might stay with his mum in the neighbouring town (!)

Goodness, if only there were a way of looking these things up!

I don't think I'm being picky to want a man who can run a basic Google search.

My friend went on a date with a guy from OLD to a local chain pub that does food - a Vintage Inn type place.
Then both had a main them the waitress asked if they wanted the dessert menu. He proceeded to get his phone out and asked ‘what discount is this voucher for’ when she replied it’s 50% off mains only he said ‘ok then we don’t want desserts if they’re not half price’
He then made a big deal of telling my mate it was ‘his treat’

Then on way out he told her he was parked right at bs k of car park so they could go to his car and get to know each other better. She refused and he got hump and said ‘I wouldn’t have bought you dinner if I had known you’re the sort of woman who doesn't like sex’

So this bloke on his 50’s thought a BOGOF fish and chips in the pub entitled him to a fumble in the back seat at the back of a pub car park

he got hump and said ‘I wouldn’t have bought you dinner if I had known you’re the sort of woman who doesn't like sex’

I love sex. At least, I love good sex. That's a point many men of a transactional outlook on OLD seem to miss. If I fancy someone, buying me a meal or not won't make a difference, unless thry turn out to be a real boor (or bore,) and usually, I've spent enough time chatting to have some idea of that. But they don't seem to realise that liking sex doesn't mean we don't have any standards about who it's with, and some of them don't make the grade even if you're in a charitable and forgiving mood...

Thank you to the recent posters putting up 'stingy date' stories again 😆 🤣 ❤️ 💛

So fed up with other posters fighting with others and derailing the whole thread

*imagine a world where a man derives a sense of pride, respect for himself and from others, and self esteem from providing for their family. For making sure the mother of their children is safe. That his children are safe.

imagine women not feeling even more vulnerable during a time in their lives when they are probably at their most vulnerable already. And feeling valued for caring and raising their children as opposed to having to fit it in around ‘real work’.*

Hello? Is that the 1950's?

So this bloke on his 50’s thought a BOGOF fish and chips in the pub entitled him to a fumble in the back seat at the back of a pub car park

This made me lol 😂

SOME ACTUAL STORIES

1. Hadn't realised this until reading this thread, but date following a speed date event (so barely knew him). He insisted on meeting outside a pub at a very specific time ("when my bus gets in"). He then suggested we go for a walk in the park. At 9pm, in November, in the dark. He was really put out I said no. We then went on a tour of the town, looking for a pub which provided a suitably comfortable seat for him. By the time I actually got a drink in Pub No. 7 I didn't want a drink with him, and we paid for our own drinks. When I turned down date no.2 he made a pissy remark about our date "only lasting 47 minutes". Longest 47 minutes of my life.

2. Turned up at the restaurant, and the first thing he did was slap £30 down on the table and say that was all the money he had for the evening. I was really taken aback as although he said his card wasn't working I knew he was staying with a good friend - if it were me I'd have borrowed to make sure I could cover my share - and first impressions and all that! Also, it wasn't a particularly pricey restaurant but I knew £30 definitely wouldn't cover it and £60 probably wouldn't either (and he didn't stint on ordering the wine, or starters, or sides). Then he wanted to go to a pub after once all his money was gone. Anyway, I don't remember anything about the date beyond this. No second date obvs.

3. Was asked out by a younger man, was rather thrilled (I was early 30s, he was late 20s). He suggested a rather nice cafe which was buffet style and rather casual, but it's known for its good food. When we got to the till the lady asked "separately or together?" and he said "Oh separately, I wouldn't want to burden you". I still laugh and laugh when I think of this moment. What a line! I don't know why I then went to the pub with him to listen to him rant about the Royal family. No second date.

4. This one was not me, but a friend who had very strict views on certain dating things - one was men always paid for the first date. I foolishly set her up with a friend. She told me she was a bit put out at the end of their first date when he suggested they split the bill - she insisted he paid (which made me absolutely cringe, but ok). However, at the end of the second date, when the bill came,apparently he put two fingers on it and slid it over to her with a stern and meaningful look. No third date. I have never been able to look at him the same way.