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Original poster

Partner's poor personal hygiene

123 replies

Emmit79 · 14/08/2023 02:35

I've just discovered that my bf of 5 years (lived with me and my boys for 3) never washes his hands properly, even after using the toilet. The only time his hands come into contact with any 'soap' is when he showers, on average every 2-3 days. (Until I recently challenged him on it, this was also the only time he changed his underwear.)
I love him but I don't think I can live with a man with such poor personal hygiene standards and such disregard for others in the household. The thought of him touching me or our clean dishes, surfaces etc sickens me.
Am I overreacting or do I ask him to leave?

OP posts:
billy1966 · 15/08/2023 19:24

OP,

I really hope you will make it a police matter if he won't leave your home.

Sherrycat · 15/08/2023 19:52

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 15/08/2023 18:45

Doesn't he attract flies?

😂😂😂😂😂

Original poster
Emmit79 · 15/08/2023 20:39

He said earlier that he wasn't going anywhere because he didn't want to and he couldn't afford to. He has now agreed to leave though thankfully, just going to take a few weeks unfortunately for him to find somewhere

OP posts:
Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 15/08/2023 20:40

Emmit79 · 14/08/2023 02:35

I've just discovered that my bf of 5 years (lived with me and my boys for 3) never washes his hands properly, even after using the toilet. The only time his hands come into contact with any 'soap' is when he showers, on average every 2-3 days. (Until I recently challenged him on it, this was also the only time he changed his underwear.)
I love him but I don't think I can live with a man with such poor personal hygiene standards and such disregard for others in the household. The thought of him touching me or our clean dishes, surfaces etc sickens me.
Am I overreacting or do I ask him to leave?

Gosh I shower morning and evening, every day. No way i could live with this man!

BeansOnToast32 · 15/08/2023 20:57

That's grim 🤢 my 14 month old dog has better hygiene, she wipes her own feet on the doormat when she's been outside.

I can't imagine living with somebody who doesn't wash their hands.

dotdotdotdash · 15/08/2023 21:03

I don’t agree with others that a daily shower is essential. I go two or three days sometimes as does my DH and we do not smell! I do think hand washing is non-negotiable tho!

Mmhmmn · 15/08/2023 21:35

Emmit79 · 14/08/2023 02:38

My 16 year old son was very unwell last year with a bacterial stomach infection. I'm now wondering whether my bf's lack of hand washing was the cause of this and feel incredibly guilty for inviting my bf into our home and putting my son through that

Yes it could easily be the cause. Faecal-oral transmission is a major route of infectious bacterial diseases. He don't wash his hands after wiping his ass, he then touches stuff around the house, contaminating everything with e.cool or such like. Disgusting.
If you can face keeping him on he needs an ultimatum.
Wash your hands or get the hell out.

Mmhmmn · 15/08/2023 21:36

e.coli ! 🙄

JustCarryOnWalkingPast · 15/08/2023 21:37

You share a bed and have sex with a man who only showers and changes his underwear every 3 days? That's grim.

Jk987 · 15/08/2023 21:54

dotdotdotdash · 15/08/2023 21:03

I don’t agree with others that a daily shower is essential. I go two or three days sometimes as does my DH and we do not smell! I do think hand washing is non-negotiable tho!

what about your pits and bits? After 3 days!

monsteramunch · 15/08/2023 22:00

dotdotdotdash · 15/08/2023 21:03

I don’t agree with others that a daily shower is essential. I go two or three days sometimes as does my DH and we do not smell! I do think hand washing is non-negotiable tho!

Two to three days without washing your body?!

reallyworriedjobhunter · 15/08/2023 22:02

Can he not stay with friends or family for those few weeks?

dotdotdotdash · 15/08/2023 22:06

I can’t get worked up about it @Jk987 I haven’t ever had a complaint about my personal hygiene. Obviously some people like to shower every day but I don’t believe everyone needs to do that.

dotdotdotdash · 15/08/2023 22:09

Yes @monsteramunch Is it really so much of a surprise that some people do not shower every day? And I’m not bothering anyone with BO I can assure you!

monsteramunch · 15/08/2023 22:16

dotdotdotdash · 15/08/2023 22:09

Yes @monsteramunch Is it really so much of a surprise that some people do not shower every day? And I’m not bothering anyone with BO I can assure you!

Everyone might not shower every day but I think not washing your body at all for two to three days is unhygienic when it comes to the aforementioned 'pits and bits' I'm afraid!

LylaLee · 15/08/2023 22:45

dotdotdotdash · 15/08/2023 22:06

I can’t get worked up about it @Jk987 I haven’t ever had a complaint about my personal hygiene. Obviously some people like to shower every day but I don’t believe everyone needs to do that.

> I haven't ever had a complaint.

People struggle to tell others that they smell.

People also become nose blind to their own and sometimes partner's BO.

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 15/08/2023 22:53

LylaLee · 15/08/2023 22:45

> I haven't ever had a complaint.

People struggle to tell others that they smell.

People also become nose blind to their own and sometimes partner's BO.

Show quote history

100% agree.

Copperoliverbear · 15/08/2023 23:01

He'd be out the door.

dotdotdotdash · 15/08/2023 23:10

Are you telling me I smell @Bringonthesunforthewashing ? I’m flouncing off never to return as it’s bedtime. Night night clean freaks

billy1966 · 15/08/2023 23:11

So he's tried to tell you he wouldn't leave your home.

The cheek of him.

He doesn't get to decide.

I think his housing needs are nothing to do with you.

I would have him gone sooner rather than later.

His filthy ways have compromised the health of your children.

He is beyond disgusting.

I think calling 101 for advice would be wise.

Do not allow him to bully you.

SwordToFlamethrower · 15/08/2023 23:40

So he is a disgusting minger, most likely the cause of the serious illness your child suffered, and you reward his vile behaviour by telling him you'll be doing all the chores from now on?

As a pp said, please raise your bar ffs!

I shower every 3-4 days, but I top and tail daily, use a bidet after every toilet visit, wash my hands after every toilet visit and as needed throughout the day. Teeth twice a day.

Never using soap is absolutely a health hazard! Do you suffer from vaginal infections op?

This guy's behaviour would be a deal breaker for me. I'd certainly never be getting intimate with him ever again!

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 16/08/2023 00:01

dotdotdotdash · 15/08/2023 23:10

Are you telling me I smell @Bringonthesunforthewashing ? I’m flouncing off never to return as it’s bedtime. Night night clean freaks

🤣, look I don’t know you, hopefully you don’t!!

But some people are really unaware and nose blind is an actual thing 😬.

And any way, @LylaLee said it first, blame her 😂🤣😂

monkina · 16/08/2023 00:09

He sounds absolutely grim. Plus he is potentially causing illness in your home with his filthy ways?! get rid. You'd be better off with a warthog.

fullbloom87 · 16/08/2023 00:55

Surely you've already spoken to him about this and asked him to change??
You can't tell him to leave until you've given him a chance to put it right.
I agree it's gross, but in some cultures this would be considered normal hygiene levels.
Your son might have picked up some ecoli but then it's just as likely he picked it up from deli meat or public loos or handles.
You've been with him 5 years and lived with him for 3, surely you noticed he wasn't washing or changing his underwear regularly years ago? Why the sudden bother now?

CallieQ · 16/08/2023 00:56

dotdotdotdash · 15/08/2023 22:06

I can’t get worked up about it @Jk987 I haven’t ever had a complaint about my personal hygiene. Obviously some people like to shower every day but I don’t believe everyone needs to do that.

Agree... I don't shower every day and I don't have BO
MN is obsessed with daily showers

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