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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner's poor personal hygiene

123 replies

Emmit79 · 14/08/2023 02:35

I've just discovered that my bf of 5 years (lived with me and my boys for 3) never washes his hands properly, even after using the toilet. The only time his hands come into contact with any 'soap' is when he showers, on average every 2-3 days. (Until I recently challenged him on it, this was also the only time he changed his underwear.)
I love him but I don't think I can live with a man with such poor personal hygiene standards and such disregard for others in the household. The thought of him touching me or our clean dishes, surfaces etc sickens me.
Am I overreacting or do I ask him to leave?

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 14/08/2023 18:34

If he isn't the father of your DC there is no point in living with him.

Emmit79 · 14/08/2023 18:39

He says that now I have pointed it out he has started washing his hands but I'm worried how long it will last before he reverts back. How anyone can get to the age of 53 and not understand the need to wash his hands is beyond me. Especially somebody who works in a supermarket handling food products!

OP posts:
MamaGhina · 14/08/2023 18:44

Sorry but you have serious issues if him not washing his hands after a poo isn’t a deal breaker.

BCBird · 14/08/2023 18:50

Gross. He would not get anywhere near me

Aquamarine1029 · 14/08/2023 18:53

Op, this is a grown man who you had to instruct to change his underwear every day, and him not washing his hands surprises you? FGS. He's a minger, he's always been a minger, he will always be a bloody minger.

tuvamoodyson · 14/08/2023 21:17
Sick Jason Jones GIF by The Detour

What’s his excuse for not changing his underwear?

mummymeister · 14/08/2023 21:21

Emmit79 · 14/08/2023 18:39

He says that now I have pointed it out he has started washing his hands but I'm worried how long it will last before he reverts back. How anyone can get to the age of 53 and not understand the need to wash his hands is beyond me. Especially somebody who works in a supermarket handling food products!

well he obviously shouldnt be anywhere near food and I doubt if he has actually completed his food hygiene certificates as required of someone handling food. This is so grim it defies understanding.

Emmit79 · 14/08/2023 21:52

tuvamoodyson laziness!

OP posts:
tuvamoodyson · 14/08/2023 22:07

How lazy would you have to be to not put clean pants on! I couldn’t be within 100 miles of someone this filthy! Do you sleep with this creature?

Runaround50 · 14/08/2023 22:13

Thinking about it, it's totally disgusting and childlike in some respects.

Kick him out.

ConnieTucker · 14/08/2023 23:58

Emmit79 · 14/08/2023 18:39

He says that now I have pointed it out he has started washing his hands but I'm worried how long it will last before he reverts back. How anyone can get to the age of 53 and not understand the need to wash his hands is beyond me. Especially somebody who works in a supermarket handling food products!

Omg thats awful. He works with food and never washes his hands?!!?!

porridgeisbae · 15/08/2023 00:36

He sees nothing wrong with not washing them

Hasn't he heard of germs?

porridgeisbae · 15/08/2023 00:37

He could've given all sorts of people bugs. Sad

Alex Drake · 15/08/2023 00:40

Where was he during the covid years?? Even my 5 year old started to use soap after the toilet and coming home regularly then!

Amispringy · 15/08/2023 00:51

Do you let this clorty bastard have sex with you?

CallieQ · 15/08/2023 01:05

The showering is ok because I disagree with the MN insistence that you must shower every day.. but proper hand washing after the toilet and clean undies every day is a must

travelogue · 15/08/2023 01:20

Fuck me! He works in a supermarket?! It makes me want to go back to my Covid paranoia of washing every item that came into the house. He's a disgusting health and safety risk to the world at large and your household in particular!

Ok, I'm being dramatic, but not washing your hands properly, especially after using the loo, is obviously totally unhygienic. At least you know your basin taps are all clean.

LylaLee · 15/08/2023 01:29

So these are the people those 'wash your hands' messages were for.

Jesus.

And he knows it is respectful to wash when being around people, so he washes for work, but you don't merit that level of respect.

Honestly, I'd report him to work.

That person with a poor immune system, buys some sliced ham together with a tiny smear of your husband's poo. Dies. Or even if they just have a stomach ache, it's not good enough.

Disgusting.

TheFoxCatcher · 15/08/2023 01:33

The manly underwear and shower-dodging would’ve been a dealbreaker for me. What a rotter.

TheFoxCatcher · 15/08/2023 01:33

manky

GG1986 · 15/08/2023 01:45

EAP · 14/08/2023 07:14

Just remind him to wash his hands, no big deal. Talk about storm in tea cup!

What like a child? I have to remind my oh to flush the toilet sometimes, it's depressing!

LylaLee · 15/08/2023 03:23

EAP · 14/08/2023 07:14

Just remind him to wash his hands, no big deal. Talk about storm in tea cup!

@EAP

Raise your standards if you think this is ok.

Just like a driving license is needed for being in a car, they should have relationship licenses.

And the questions should include things like, how frequently should you change your underpants?(daily). How do you wash your hands?(with soap). When should you wash your hands? (After using the toilet, and before handling food).

RantyAnty · 15/08/2023 06:13

travelogue · 15/08/2023 01:20

Fuck me! He works in a supermarket?! It makes me want to go back to my Covid paranoia of washing every item that came into the house. He's a disgusting health and safety risk to the world at large and your household in particular!

Ok, I'm being dramatic, but not washing your hands properly, especially after using the loo, is obviously totally unhygienic. At least you know your basin taps are all clean.

Agree and it's part of any training for people who work in supermarkets , restaurants, etc.

It was discovered at the beginning covid, many men never wash their hands.

StarPotential · 15/08/2023 07:47

I remember a thread on here a couple of years ago about washing hands and you would be amazed at the number of people who said they do not wash their hands after using the toilet.

GG1986 · 15/08/2023 09:50

StarPotential · 15/08/2023 07:47

I remember a thread on here a couple of years ago about washing hands and you would be amazed at the number of people who said they do not wash their hands after using the toilet.

This is why I open public toilet doors with a piece or tissue. People are disgusting!