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Original poster

Partner's poor personal hygiene

123 replies

Emmit79 · 14/08/2023 02:35

I've just discovered that my bf of 5 years (lived with me and my boys for 3) never washes his hands properly, even after using the toilet. The only time his hands come into contact with any 'soap' is when he showers, on average every 2-3 days. (Until I recently challenged him on it, this was also the only time he changed his underwear.)
I love him but I don't think I can live with a man with such poor personal hygiene standards and such disregard for others in the household. The thought of him touching me or our clean dishes, surfaces etc sickens me.
Am I overreacting or do I ask him to leave?

OP posts:
GardeningIdiot · 16/08/2023 09:00

You can't tell him to leave until you've given him a chance to put it right.

She absolutely can, @fullbloom87. For any reason she likes. It's her house.

LylaLee · 16/08/2023 13:10

GardeningIdiot · 16/08/2023 09:00

You can't tell him to leave until you've given him a chance to put it right.

She absolutely can, @fullbloom87. For any reason she likes. It's her house.

He has a shower before work. He's perfectly aware of acceptable hygiene standards, as an functional adult.

He just chooses that OP doesn't deserve the same consideration as his colleagues.

billy1966 · 16/08/2023 14:39

She can TELL him to leave HER home at any time for any reason.

Every light switch and door handle infected by him.

My children know to wash their hands after coming into the house from being outside, on public transport.

THEY get the need for hand wishing being the absolute basics.

The showering every day is completely different to basic hand washing IMO.

Sushi4Dins · 16/08/2023 14:51

dotdotdotdash · 15/08/2023 21:03

I don’t agree with others that a daily shower is essential. I go two or three days sometimes as does my DH and we do not smell! I do think hand washing is non-negotiable tho!

I go two or three days sometimes as does my DH

Why?

CommonVetch · 16/08/2023 17:26

Buy antibacterial wipes and start wiping all doorknobs and light switches. But getting the dirty fecker out of your house ASAP would be the best cleaning tip I could offer. 🤢

SmokeyToo · 17/08/2023 14:25

dotdotdotdash · 15/08/2023 21:03

I don’t agree with others that a daily shower is essential. I go two or three days sometimes as does my DH and we do not smell! I do think hand washing is non-negotiable tho!

How do you know you don't smell?!

NewYorkFirstTimer · 17/08/2023 14:39

Raise your standards for fucks sake

GardeningIdiot · 17/08/2023 15:08

NewYorkFirstTimer · 17/08/2023 14:39

Raise your standards for fucks sake

RTFT, she's trying to get him out.

NewYorkFirstTimer · 17/08/2023 15:18

GardeningIdiot · 17/08/2023 15:08

RTFT, she's trying to get him out.

Show quote history

Not quickly enough!

Original poster
Emmit79 · 17/08/2023 20:09

Unfortunately he has rights having lived here for 3 years so I need to wait until he has found somewhere

OP posts:
monsteramunch · 17/08/2023 20:17

Unfortunately he has rights having lived here for 3 years so I need to wait until he has found somewhere

If it's your place legally and he's not a named tenant or owner then I don't think he has the right to stay there if you want him gone?

Aquamarine1029 · 17/08/2023 20:23

Emmit79 · 17/08/2023 20:09

Unfortunately he has rights having lived here for 3 years so I need to wait until he has found somewhere

No, he doesn't. That's your home, not his. He has been allowed to live there with your permission which he no longer has, and where he goes is not your concern. Turf the minger out.

Snazzysausage · 17/08/2023 20:37

What a minger. He is, as my lovely granny used to say back in the days when a daily strip wash was usual, a stranger to soap and a flannel. Yuk.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/08/2023 21:37

Emmit79 · 14/08/2023 02:38

My 16 year old son was very unwell last year with a bacterial stomach infection. I'm now wondering whether my bf's lack of hand washing was the cause of this and feel incredibly guilty for inviting my bf into our home and putting my son through that

This is a perfect example to bring up and very possible. You need to set some very clear boundaries.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/08/2023 21:40

Emmit79 · 14/08/2023 18:39

He says that now I have pointed it out he has started washing his hands but I'm worried how long it will last before he reverts back. How anyone can get to the age of 53 and not understand the need to wash his hands is beyond me. Especially somebody who works in a supermarket handling food products!

That's awful. Especially given his job and after the pandemic. I remember reading some awful statistics about how few men washers their hands after using loo and was disgusted. I thought the pandemic had made us all a bit more aware of hand washing technique etc though.

I guess you need to speak with him and vey clearly state it's an important boundary for you and you can't continue to put you and your family at risk of E. coli bacteria and viruses and you will not be at all remotely interested in any sexual contact with him unless he really changes his ways. Do you trust him to change if he promises?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/08/2023 21:40

Aquamarine1029 · 14/08/2023 18:53

Op, this is a grown man who you had to instruct to change his underwear every day, and him not washing his hands surprises you? FGS. He's a minger, he's always been a minger, he will always be a bloody minger.

Agree

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/08/2023 21:42

You know when women are on mums net complaining that they do all the washing for their DP or grown up kids and people say 'just stop doing it they'll soon realise they have no clean clothes and do it themselves'

This woman's partner is the sad truth or what might happen a lot of the time if she does stop or didn't start to begin with. Absolutely filthy

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/08/2023 21:42

Andthereyougo · 15/08/2023 14:39

E Coli risk is high. I wouldn’t let him touch any crockery, utensils, etc. Or the fridge.
Could not live with someone like that. 🤢

Or touch op!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/08/2023 21:43

moomoolander · 15/08/2023 16:46

My FIL is exactly the same. He doesn't wash his hands regularly, when he stays with us he doesn't have a shower in 10 days. Pisses all over the floor, leaves the toilet seat up. He's a dirty bastard and I can't wait until he leaves. He doesn't have dementia or any mental health issues before anyone starts.

Ban him from staying please and tell him why

LlynTegid · 17/08/2023 21:43

I am saddened to read that only now you see it as an issue such that he should not be living with you, and not almost three years ago.

Sooner he is out of the house the better.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/08/2023 21:49

Emmit79 · 17/08/2023 20:09

Unfortunately he has rights having lived here for 3 years so I need to wait until he has found somewhere

If you rent no he doesn't unless he is named on it, if only you owns the property he doesn't unless he takes you to court for an occupancy order www.familylawpartners.co.uk/blog/property-rights-for-unmarried-couples

I think there is nothing stopping you changing the locks and removing his belongings but do seek advice about that.

In the meantime I would carry hand gel around with me and squirt some on him eveytime he walks past you and ban him from kitchen - give him just one bathroom to use if you have two and tell your children to wash their hands more and not to touch their faces . yUK

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/08/2023 21:50

LlynTegid · 17/08/2023 21:43

I am saddened to read that only now you see it as an issue such that he should not be living with you, and not almost three years ago.

Sooner he is out of the house the better.

She only found out a few days ago!

elsbelsx · 17/08/2023 21:53

Oh man this is so gross, does he not absolutely stink?

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