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Original poster

Partner's poor personal hygiene

123 replies

Emmit79 · 14/08/2023 02:35

I've just discovered that my bf of 5 years (lived with me and my boys for 3) never washes his hands properly, even after using the toilet. The only time his hands come into contact with any 'soap' is when he showers, on average every 2-3 days. (Until I recently challenged him on it, this was also the only time he changed his underwear.)
I love him but I don't think I can live with a man with such poor personal hygiene standards and such disregard for others in the household. The thought of him touching me or our clean dishes, surfaces etc sickens me.
Am I overreacting or do I ask him to leave?

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 15/08/2023 09:53

You’ve only just noticed he’s a disgusting lazy minger?

OP, you have very low standards! Time to raise them, quickly, and get rid of this walking health hazard. 🤢

Andthereyougo · 15/08/2023 14:39

E Coli risk is high. I wouldn’t let him touch any crockery, utensils, etc. Or the fridge.
Could not live with someone like that. 🤢

billy1966 · 15/08/2023 16:43

GG1986 · 15/08/2023 09:50

This is why I open public toilet doors with a piece or tissue. People are disgusting!

Show quote history

Me too.

Complete Ick and Ugh an🤢🤮.

The idea of being intimate with someone so fundamentally filthy...nope.

billy1966 · 15/08/2023 16:44

Andthereyougo · 15/08/2023 14:39

E Coli risk is high. I wouldn’t let him touch any crockery, utensils, etc. Or the fridge.
Could not live with someone like that. 🤢

He has been speading germs to everything he touches in your home, every single day.

moomoolander · 15/08/2023 16:46

My FIL is exactly the same. He doesn't wash his hands regularly, when he stays with us he doesn't have a shower in 10 days. Pisses all over the floor, leaves the toilet seat up. He's a dirty bastard and I can't wait until he leaves. He doesn't have dementia or any mental health issues before anyone starts.

LylaLee · 15/08/2023 16:47

moomoolander · 15/08/2023 16:46

My FIL is exactly the same. He doesn't wash his hands regularly, when he stays with us he doesn't have a shower in 10 days. Pisses all over the floor, leaves the toilet seat up. He's a dirty bastard and I can't wait until he leaves. He doesn't have dementia or any mental health issues before anyone starts.

It's your home.

Say, "No, you can't come here."

moomoolander · 15/08/2023 16:49

@LylaLee that would never be acceptable for me to say that. I just have to put up with it once a year. Although his visits are becoming more frequent 🙁

LylaLee · 15/08/2023 16:49

moomoolander · 15/08/2023 16:49

@LylaLee that would never be acceptable for me to say that. I just have to put up with it once a year. Although his visits are becoming more frequent 🙁

Why are you not able to veto guests?

monsteramunch · 15/08/2023 16:50

moomoolander · 15/08/2023 16:49

@LylaLee that would never be acceptable for me to say that. I just have to put up with it once a year. Although his visits are becoming more frequent 🙁

It's your home, you can absolutely say no to any guest staying. Let alone one so utterly disrespectful to your space.

moomoolander · 15/08/2023 16:50

@LylaLee my husband would never allow me to ban him from coming - he lives abroad, luckily.

TheChosenTwo · 15/08/2023 16:51

Bleurgh, that’s gross. But not as gross as the boyfriend of someone I know, he never changes his underwear once a week, pants and socks, rarely brushes his teeth. Don’t know how she contemplates sleeping in the same bed as him let alone has sex with the filthy old git. He once came round ours and took his shoes off. I didn’t know at this point that he only changed his socks once a week - I really wish he’d have kept his shoes on, we don’t even have a shoes off rule in our house!!!

monsteramunch · 15/08/2023 16:52

moomoolander · 15/08/2023 16:50

@LylaLee my husband would never allow me to ban him from coming - he lives abroad, luckily.

I really, really hope it's your husband who cleans up after his father? And your husband doesn't allow, let alone expect, you to do so?

purplebluediscorain · 15/08/2023 16:53

Oh dear, my partner showers every single day and is a clean freak! Literally the routine of his shower is extensive but it makes him feel good and clean and he has always been the same.

pilates · 15/08/2023 16:54

I find it hard to believe being intimate with him you could not smell him and the fact you didn’t notice he wasn’t showering (unless you live in a mansion) for several years.

pilates · 15/08/2023 16:55

*showering daily

Pufflebow · 15/08/2023 17:00

I’d assume someone who doesn’t shower for 3 days and doesn’t change their underwear for several days at a time, has fairly poor hygiene overall.
I couldn’t deal with that personally.
not in my home, in my kitchen, touching my things, getting in my bed, anything

have you asked about how often he brushes his teeth?

is he preparing food for you having done a poo and not washed his hands? Or is he an adult man that’s both unable to bathe and to feed himself? Attractive

Turfwars · 15/08/2023 17:33

I'm fairly laid back and thinks a bit of dirt is no harm - in fact I think it's necessary for our health. I don't think it's always necessary to shower daily but good handwashing with soap, changing underwear daily and changing clothes regularly are the basics.

Bet you anything he skips brushing his teeth as well.

Original poster
Emmit79 · 15/08/2023 18:09

TheChosenTwo · 15/08/2023 16:51

Bleurgh, that’s gross. But not as gross as the boyfriend of someone I know, he never changes his underwear once a week, pants and socks, rarely brushes his teeth. Don’t know how she contemplates sleeping in the same bed as him let alone has sex with the filthy old git. He once came round ours and took his shoes off. I didn’t know at this point that he only changed his socks once a week - I really wish he’d have kept his shoes on, we don’t even have a shoes off rule in our house!!!

Thankfully we sleep in separate beds anyway due to his horrendous snoring and I have told him he won't be coming anywhere near me now I know about his hygiene (or lack thereof)

OP posts:
Original poster
Emmit79 · 15/08/2023 18:11

Pufflebow · 15/08/2023 17:00

I’d assume someone who doesn’t shower for 3 days and doesn’t change their underwear for several days at a time, has fairly poor hygiene overall.
I couldn’t deal with that personally.
not in my home, in my kitchen, touching my things, getting in my bed, anything

have you asked about how often he brushes his teeth?

is he preparing food for you having done a poo and not washed his hands? Or is he an adult man that’s both unable to bathe and to feed himself? Attractive

No, thankfully he doesn't prepare food for us but until this week he was emptying the dishwasher daily. I have told him not to anymore, I will do all the chores

OP posts:
Original poster
Emmit79 · 15/08/2023 18:12

Turfwars · 15/08/2023 17:33

I'm fairly laid back and thinks a bit of dirt is no harm - in fact I think it's necessary for our health. I don't think it's always necessary to shower daily but good handwashing with soap, changing underwear daily and changing clothes regularly are the basics.

Bet you anything he skips brushing his teeth as well.

I agree with you. I am not a clean freak by any means and don't have an issue with him not showering every day. It's the not changing underwear and particularly the not washing hands that is my issue

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/08/2023 18:34

Emmit79 · 15/08/2023 18:11

No, thankfully he doesn't prepare food for us but until this week he was emptying the dishwasher daily. I have told him not to anymore, I will do all the chores

Show quote history

Why wouldn't your first course of action be to get rid of him? He's basically being rewarded for being a disgusting slob. Raise the bar, FFS.

hoven · 15/08/2023 18:35

Wait... why is there a man you know in a limited capacity living with your dc and making them ill?

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 15/08/2023 18:45

Doesn't he attract flies?

Original poster
Emmit79 · 15/08/2023 18:46

hoven · 15/08/2023 18:35

Wait... why is there a man you know in a limited capacity living with your dc and making them ill?

I didn't know about his lack of hand washing until a few days ago. I always assumed he did, after all why wouldn't you?! I'm now trying to get him out the house but he's not making it easy

OP posts:
hoven · 15/08/2023 18:48

@Emmit79 what is his reason for not leaving your house? Have you called the police? Sorry if you've already mentioned this