Just walked in on husband masturbating

[LadyLazarus20]

Hello, please help me with advice. After getting the children to sleep I have come down the stairs to find my husband wanking in the middle of the kitchen/dining room.

He says he is sorry and that it is inappropriate. My thoughts are around what if it had been one of the children. I've asked him to leave. He thinks I'm over reacting. I'm not am I ?

Sorry op just read your update. A porn addiction is serious and the fact that he’s seemingly doing less effort to hide it would have me concerned that it’s escalating.
Also lying and other disrespectful behavior…nobody deserves to be married to someone like that

That’s potential child abuse. Imagine if one of them had of walked in and seen that.

LadyLazarus, I really feel for you. You wrote in March that everyday you have anxiety about wasting your life in your unhappy marriage.

Your H is a liar, cheat, and abuser of porn. He is treating you and your daughters with great disrespect and devaluation. They are being exposed to a very unhealthy relationship model.

I hope you will soon formulate an exit plan to work toward with determination. You and the children deserve an emotionally safe home, but this faithless, sleazy man will never provide that. Can you access individual counseling for support?

Yes sounds like gets a kick from wanking in inappropriate places and risk of getting caught, potentially by his own kids.
Worryingly, he knows full well what he’s doing no matter what his excuse is.

How bad is it for them to potentially walk in on something like this? Maybe it's not as bad as I think. I suppose children much walk in on adults having sex

Well, I would say that barging in on parents having sex, or even solo, in a private place is of course the stuff of nightmares for any kid at the time. However, it is essentially a lesson in knocking before entering other people's bedrooms, especially if handled well. Walking in on one's dad masturbating in a shared area of the house would be a lot weirder as he is doing something inappropriate in the first place (the location, not the act). I imagine a lot of people would feel much more uncomfortable about this.

If it had been a one off blip from a good guy that could be different but it seems part of a pattern of bad impulse control.

I don't think you over reacted at all. Of course he can masturbate, but in the kitchen? Where you have DC that can walk in any minute?
That is definitely not on. I mean how many women on this thread would be pulling their trousers down and masturbating in the kitchen when there s a risk the dc could wander in? I'm guessing none. So why is it ok for a bloke to do it because 'blokes masturbate, its normal'
Not normal in the bloody kitchen.

I'd have reacted the same as you if my DP was doing it in the kitchen with the dc at home.

Although from your more recent updates this sounds like the least of your problems.

I think based on everything I'd be getting rid of him permanently. And don't let him ever tell you, you are over reacting. You're not.

“Was he spunking on the dinner? If not, huge overreaction.”

^^Talk about setting the bar low..

@Ibizafun

“Was he spunking on the dinner? If not, huge overreaction.”

^^Talk about setting the bar low..

I did think some of the responses were really odd. But perhaps that can be explained by people thinking it wasn't real - the event I mean - so people just went with humour.

I do not have any issue with masturbating at all, but why was it not being done in private?

Oh well, as lots of you have said and as I know, this is just another very poor choice on top of lots of other poor choices which is why I reacted the way I did. Even so, I'd be really wtf if I walked into the kitchen and found anyone doing that.

Unless he was jizzing in the fruit bowl, then asking him to leave is an over reaction! There must be more to this!

@Raychelle

Unless he was jizzing in the fruit bowl, then asking him to leave is an over reaction! There must be more to this!

Wow what a possibility! Maybe there is!

Maybe RTFT.

OP - you are right that it was inappropriate. I’m sorry that people find your distressing situation funny.
Might be best to ask him to leave so you can think straight.
💐

@Raychelle

Unless he was jizzing in the fruit bowl, then asking him to leave is an over reaction! There must be more to this!

Read the thread and you’ll answer your own question.

Doesn't everyone have a wank?

@maddy68

Doesn't everyone have a wank?

Well yes, but they don't all do it in your best bone china!

Is it just me giggling at “bone china” in the context of wanking?

@FallonCarringtonWannabe @GoodnightGrandma yes, bit of a drip feed wasn’t it. Sexting other and women and lying, reason to chuck out, not so much having a wank in the kitchen (even though bathroom or bedroom alone is probably best)

@PurpleDaisies no bone china is amusing. Just grateful I don't own any!

People continuing to read wanking in the kitchen and think its wanking I have an issue with.

It sounds like things are tough for you.

I wonder whether you might want to name change and post about everything else except this last incident. This thread is going to attract people who don’t bother reading all the updates and likely keep getting derailed.

Good luck with whatever’s coming next.

Thank you and that's a very good idea

The location wouldn't necessarily be a dealbreaker for me - you said you were putting the kids down, so he knew they were unlikely to come down. Depending on the layout of your home, if the kitchen was further away from the bedrooms than than your own bedroom, or the bathroom, perhaps it felt more private.

However - it sounds like this isn't about a man having a quiet wank in a communal area. It's about a man who sexts other women, openly watches porn and masturbates - and presumably who isn't sleeping with you, given your low opinion of him? It just doesn't feel respectful towards you, and I'm not surprised that all in all, you're fed up.

If you're safe and the kids are safe, get your ducks in a row whilst you decide what you want to do next.

Bloody hell

I’m lost for words

@Cocopogo

I’m not surprised you asked him to leave, everyone here is bonkers. He was in the middle of the kitchen/diner that is so inappropriate, weird and gross and could have been one of the kids coming to get a drink. I’d have booted his weirdo ass out the door too. Most likely for a walk whilst I calmed down but then I think long term I would have the ick and would have to rethink things.

Have you never had sex in your kitchen / diner then.

I really don't see why people are bonkers. It's just a room in a house

I think you’ll be so much happier without him dragging you down

@LadyLazarus20

Not very much. Says he should changed etc but never does. Also sexts other women and lies about many other things. I know I should have left a long time ago but I'm terrified to break up the family because I don't want to hurt my children. Yes I know I am weak. First step is I need to get stronger.

@FallonCarringtonWannabe agree with your point about the porn industry. I've come to that realisaiton over the last year or so.

If you had put all of that in your original post, everyone would have the facts and be able to give their opinion more clearly.

Based on your original post, having a wank is not in my opinion worth splitting up over.

However, based on this update, he's sexting people, he's watching porn, you should have left the first time you caught this behaviour.

People think this is normal behaviour? It’s not in my world. Wanking fair enough but certainly not in the middle of the kitchen/dining room. Jesus do some people have such low standards?

I’d have kicked him out too OP. Some mumsnetters live in a different universe to me.