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Original poster

Just walked in on husband masturbating

113 replies

LadyLazarus20 · 07/11/2021 22:03

Hello, please help me with advice. After getting the children to sleep I have come down the stairs to find my husband wanking in the middle of the kitchen/dining room.

He says he is sorry and that it is inappropriate. My thoughts are around what if it had been one of the children. I've asked him to leave. He thinks I'm over reacting. I'm not am I ?

OP posts:
FallonCarringtonWannabe · 07/11/2021 23:06

Actually porn addiction changes things for me. Supporting that industry says a lot about a person that I dont like. And also if he says he has an addiction, what is he doing about it?

Original poster
LadyLazarus20 · 07/11/2021 23:11

Not very much. Says he should changed etc but never does. Also sexts other women and lies about many other things. I know I should have left a long time ago but I'm terrified to break up the family because I don't want to hurt my children. Yes I know I am weak. First step is I need to get stronger.

@FallonCarringtonWannabe agree with your point about the porn industry. I've come to that realisaiton over the last year or so.

OP posts:
FallonCarringtonWannabe · 07/11/2021 23:12

@LadyLazarus20

Not very much. Says he should changed etc but never does. Also sexts other women and lies about many other things. I know I should have left a long time ago but I'm terrified to break up the family because I don't want to hurt my children. Yes I know I am weak. First step is I need to get stronger.

@FallonCarringtonWannabe agree with your point about the porn industry. I've come to that realisaiton over the last year or so.

Bin him. The wanking in the kitchen is the least of his shittiness.
moofolk · 07/11/2021 23:13

Was he watching porn?

That's very different.

Porn is abuse, it's damaging to women and girls, but also to men and boys.

Wanking I'm all fine with. Wanking the kitchen to videos of women being abused, less so.

sandy354 · 07/11/2021 23:15

You should be asking him to leave - but for sexting other women and whatever else it is he has lied to you about

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 07/11/2021 23:29

@LadyLazarus20

Not very much. Says he should changed etc but never does. Also sexts other women and lies about many other things. I know I should have left a long time ago but I'm terrified to break up the family because I don't want to hurt my children. Yes I know I am weak. First step is I need to get stronger.

@FallonCarringtonWannabe agree with your point about the porn industry. I've come to that realisaiton over the last year or so.

You've done the right thing OP in calling it a day.

Apologies, I had a little giggle about apple pie etc until I came to this update but it sounds as though tonight was the final straw.

Also, your clarification that the kids are old enough to walk in, and regularly do come downstairs makes this feel a bit grottier (not saying he had anything untoward in mind but it was selfish at best not doing it privately).

Porn addiction and sexting other women is definitely sufficient reason to end a relationship. Don't worry at all about not leaving sooner, you needed to reach this decision in your own time.

Original poster
LadyLazarus20 · 07/11/2021 23:37

@Snoopfroggyfrogg Thanks for your apology but definitely not your fault. No one was the know the context because I stupidly did not share it! I appreciate that a one off from an otherwise great husband - it would have seemed an overreaction.

I don't know for certain if he was watching porn, but he was holding his phone so seems likely. It just seems incredibly selfish to me. Why not do it in the bathroom with a lock? I think my main freak out was around the children. How bad is it for them to potentially walk in on something like this? Maybe it's not as bad as I think. I suppose children much walk in on adults having sex.

Also thanks for saying it's fine to reach decision in my own time. I need to get some ducks in row and then I'm leaving.

OP posts:
Alexandria94 · 07/11/2021 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alexandria94 · 07/11/2021 23:46

Sorry, my mistake. I've seen your update and I was totally wrong. You did the right thing!

Sorry this has happened to you OP, you and your kids deserve more.

TabithaTumbler · 07/11/2021 23:47

My ex used to get a proper hard on about dinner. Was there a particularly tasty dish in view?

This made me snort Grin

Sorry OP, after your update eww yeah I don't blame you for wanting him to leave, he sounds disgusting. Also I imagine a DC walking in on that would stay with them for life 🤮

ImNotCrazyIWasTested · 07/11/2021 23:48

@LadyLazarus20

Yes this is real. He claims he has a porn addiction etc. It's not uncommon for the children to get up out of bed and come down. I thought that would be an awful thing for them to walk in on.

Thanks for your opinions.

I am not defending him at all but I know who is where in my house from the sound of their footsteps (elephant stomps) so I know if my DH was coming downstairs or 1 of my children,not that I use that as an excuse to masterbate in my kitchen
ballsdeep · 07/11/2021 23:50

@LadyLazarus20

Not very much. Says he should changed etc but never does. Also sexts other women and lies about many other things. I know I should have left a long time ago but I'm terrified to break up the family because I don't want to hurt my children. Yes I know I am weak. First step is I need to get stronger.

@FallonCarringtonWannabe agree with your point about the porn industry. I've come to that realisaiton over the last year or so.

Well this is a big drio feed and a lot more than just wanking over your bar stools
Opentooffers · 07/11/2021 23:55

Well, if this is the last straw, then that's a good thing ultimately, sexting other women is the point where I'd be sending him packing. Better to teach your kids to not tolerate a bad marriage in the long run.

Original poster
LadyLazarus20 · 08/11/2021 00:01

Wasn't my intention to drip feed just a genuine oh god freak out moment that resulted in my original post.

@ImNotCrazyIWasTested good point and I think that's what led to bulk of my freak out - our house is small and I made quite a bit of noise coming down the stairs and moving things around in the lounge before going into the kitchen. He didn't hear me until I was right there and assume he wouldn't have heard my daughters either who move like ninjas.

How bloody draining and sorry to all. Post was not started with drip feeding in mind. Just another exasperated woman.

I need to leave. I can and will do this.

Thanks all x

OP posts:
Sidehustle99 · 08/11/2021 00:09

After reading your update I would say you are right to leave. Masturbating and watching porn is one thing but sexting is crossing a line. It's also very disrespectful to your kids to wank in the lounge/kitchen. Nobody wants to see that.

Ohmygodyesthatsit · 08/11/2021 00:16

I cant imagine how awful i would have fiund it to see my dad wanking totally and utterly traumatising.

Ohmygodyesthatsit · 08/11/2021 00:17

Sorry i know they didnt see him but if they had awful and as a parent tonrisk that happening is vile, and thats without all the rest of his behaviour.

Chocaholic9 · 08/11/2021 00:20

I think that this is wrong because one of the kids could have come downstairs and saw him. I would feel the same as you OP.

DerAlteMann · 08/11/2021 00:23

I've asked him to leave. He thinks I'm over reacting. I'm not am I?

Yes, you are. Massively over-reacting.

Squeezyhug · 08/11/2021 01:00

Ideally, he should leave, not you.Not for wanking but for sexting and being disrespectful to you and the children.
Get your ducks in a row first then say you want a divorce. Be careful and be safe.

smoko · 08/11/2021 01:15

I knew from your OP that he had some kind of issue with sex & that this was the tip of the iceberg / straw that broke camel’s back etc

Yes masturbating is normal

In the kitchen though? That’s an odd place to choose.

Most blokes would just do it in the toilet or shower if they were going go pick a suitable spot.

That he was having a toss in the kitchen sounds like he has form for engaging in sexually inappropriate / risky behaviour

He sounds feral OP, glad you’re rid of him

LaBellina · 08/11/2021 01:27

@Mojoj

Ha ha ha ha ha. Was there baked goods involved....?😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 @Mojoj warm apple pie
CatonMat · 08/11/2021 01:35

Tossed salad anyone?
Seriously, the thought of one of the children walking in and seeing him.

That's really foul.

KloppsTeeth · 08/11/2021 01:38

Having read your update, LTB.

DriftingBlue · 08/11/2021 01:42

Just based on the original post, it’s a massive overreaction. It’s worthy of a brief chastisement to pick his moments and locations better.

The drip feed changes things massively.

Op, you deserve to live in a home where you feel respected.