Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The man child: can they change?

83 replies

bemorejackieweaver · 07/03/2021 22:12

Just that really. Has anyone ever seen a man child (like a married one in his forties with kids) change into an actual adult man? If you have seen it, how did it happen?

OP posts:
SparklingLime · 07/03/2021 22:17

No.

Sexnotgender · 07/03/2021 22:24

No

BettySweaty · 07/03/2021 22:26

Never. No.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/03/2021 22:27

Never going to happen.

Blueberries0112 · 07/03/2021 22:31

Whatever personality they had at the age 10 seems like it is here to stay lol only except they have more responsibilities to deal with

willibald · 07/03/2021 22:33

No

Silurian · 07/03/2021 22:37

@Blueberries0112

Whatever personality they had at the age 10 seems like it is here to stay lol only except they have more responsibilities to deal with
And the mystifying thing is why another person looked at this adult male baby and found him appealing enough to shag, commit to and reproduce with.
Lena007 · 07/03/2021 23:02

Nope. Don't waste your life waiting for this to happen because it will not. He may change for a couple of weeks at the most, after which you are back to square one.

EarthSight · 07/03/2021 23:06

In his 40s??? If he hasn't changed now, he never will. Plus, even if he did change, how does anyone know exactly how long it will take? 10 years? More? Do you want to find out?

Twobirdsinatree · 07/03/2021 23:08

Not usually no,
And when they do change it won't be in the same relationship they were in it will be because they've hit rock bottom ended up alone and been forced to. But I'd say that's still very rare.

firstimemamma · 07/03/2021 23:13

No.

FaceyRomford · 07/03/2021 23:50

No.

Easterbunnygettingready · 07/03/2021 23:52

Sorry op have you found yourself lumbered with my exdh? The one who demanded a new x box game for my 40th as it wasn't fair the whole day was about me...

Oona1981 · 08/03/2021 00:57

Whats the definition of a man child in everyones opinion?

DeeCeeCherry · 08/03/2021 01:01

The man child: can they change?

Maybe.

But the mere thought of making a man like that a 'can I/maybe I can change him' project makes me yawn. There aren't enough days in this one life to waste on people who are hard work.

If by manchild you mean a man who is lazy childish and doesn't take care of his responsibilities, that is.

Onthedunes · 08/03/2021 02:11

Are you the wife or the soon to be partner of circulating man child trash?

Anyway the answer is No.

Nowstrong · 08/03/2021 07:31

Yes! They change into old men children.....

peak2021 · 08/03/2021 07:42

No never. Changes usually happen if they do by late twenties.

KarmaNoMore · 08/03/2021 07:45

Never with the same woman.

something2say · 08/03/2021 08:15

They can change if they want to, but the key is in the words.... Have you seen any evidence that he wants to? If not, there's your answer.

stealthninjamum · 08/03/2021 08:25

I think they can but not when they’re with someone as there’s no incentive. My partner never married and is in his 40s. He has had relationships but tells me he didn’t really grow up til he was in his 30s. Now I see a man who is good at cooking, has a clean house, career etc. When he comes to my house he pulls his weight. We talk about moving in together but he is aware I do not want a useless lump like my ex.

Original poster
bemorejackieweaver · 08/03/2021 09:30

Oh god, this is brutal and excellent, thanks everyone. I think my OH is a Man Child. Can you confirm please MN? We have 2 DCs for context. I work full time in a good job. He works 1 day a week on minimum wage.

Man Child signs

  • contributes zero financially
  • leaves doors open and unlocked
  • doesn't tidy up after himself and kids when it's his turn to look after them
  • complains about having to look after both kids because he finds it too difficult
  • doesn't know how to cook and won't learn
  • gives me school admin to deal with like I'm his mum
  • complains about any changes in the house
  • contributed nothing to 3 house moves (except moaning)
  • does zero DIY or bringing tradesmen in
  • does zero thinking/planning about the kids' nursery and school
  • has the entire 3rd floor to hoard all his sentimental stuff/books/games etc
  • complains about being tired all the time (there's nothing wrong with him medically)
  • he has no idea about bills and household admin

Adult signs

  • he does all the laundry
  • he does all the washing up/dish washer
  • he does all the driving and looks after the car (that I bought)
  • he looks after our 2 year old 1 day a week

He is 45. Erm...is his a man child?

OP posts:
rulerbirds · 08/03/2021 09:32

No. I also think man children get very lazy when they’re with someone. It makes their immaturity worse. It’s all about them all of the time. It’s deeply unattractive. The only time they make any effort is when they are single. They then go above and beyond and “talk the talk” and seem to become a miraculous changed man. Once they’ve got that woman committed in some way then they get lazy. Mine told me that he “doesn’t do birthday cards” funny how he did when we were dating? There’s no way I would have dated him or moved in with him if he was as lazy about special occasions as he is now. He also has decided that he should just get to have sex whenever he wants. He gets to just shag me whenever and whatever else is going on without having to make any romantic effort at all. It should just be biological apparently. Can you imagine any woman being interested in a guy who makes zero effort in either of those areas?

rulerbirds · 08/03/2021 09:34

Why are you married to him OP? What does he do the other 4 days a week? He should be doing full time childcare if he’s not working. Come on. This isn’t good enough. You’re not his mother but he’s treating you like it. Make him live and survive on his own for a year.

pinkyredrose · 08/03/2021 09:38

He works one day a week!? Why? OP how can you respect this useless lump? Please tell me his name isn't on the house?